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Guardian Angel

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  • Guardian Angel

    Hello, first time poster. I'm working on a story entitled Guardian Angel about two actual angels behind-the-scenes who are involved with protecting a railroad police officer. The story was actually written as a screenplay for my screenwriting class 20+ years ago, but I never sold it and never published it. Recently I dusted it off and decided to try to bring it up to date and rewrite it as a novel.

    I'll take full responsibility for all of the theological aspects, but my only background in police work is watching Hollywood movies and the ten o'clock news...In Other Words, worse than nothing. I'm hoping to get some feedback to make the story more believable to a knowledgeable audience. Now this is speculative fiction, of course, so I'm counting on the willing suspension of disbelief on the part of my readers. If you see something and say, "Eh, that's kind of far-fetched, but I can maybe see it if....", then I'm OK. But if you see something and as a professional in the field say, "No way. That could never happen," then I need to rewrite. Of course, if by a few factual tweaks I can bring a story line back closer to reality without changing the plot points I need to hit, that's even better.

    The attached chapter opens the action; it's intended to be the bust of a crack house...which eventually leads into more interesting territory. The major characters are: Dawn, the eponymous guardian angel; Michael, the human she protects; Rick, Mike's childhood best friend and currently a narcotics lieutenant in HPD; and Ariel, another angel acting as Dawn's right-hand-girl who is the narrator of the story. Some specific questions I have about this chapter:
    • Is the timeline realistic for such an action, and is the police response to it believable? I don't want to tone down the scale of the bust, so if you think that it's overkill then what steps might be taken to "raise the stakes" to justify the action pictured?
    • Can you suggest ways to make the actual execution of the bust more believable without getting bogged down in a lot of detail?
    • For the next chapter, what would happen the next day for everyone concerned as far as completing paperwork and reports and possibly issuing media releases? Again, a great deal of detail is unnecessary but I would like to hit the high points. And, oh, when would anyone sleep...if they did!
    • I'd like to set up a scene during the follow-up where, after his duties are discharged, Rick (who is a party animal) tries to invite Mike (a straitlaced Baptist) to join him for a visit to a topless club (Mike will say no, but Rick will go without him), preferably the night following the bust. Plausible?
    • A couple of weeks after this action, Dawn will be in the human world with Michael. I need to have a plausible reason for Mike to visit Rick at police headquarters and to take Dawn along with him, preferably a reason connected to this bust. Possibly something involving discovery in the wake of the arraignment?
    • I am projecting Rick as graduating high school in 2005, attending two years of college, then joining HPD. The story is set present day, so that would give him a total of 11 years police service (we'll assume he went to night school along the way to complete the educational requirements). Is it plausible for someone to advance to that level in that time span? (Rick may be a party animal, but he is a good cop.)
    Thanks in advance for any helpful feedback.

    Excerpt: Chapter 4 (Author: Eric H. Bowen, 2018)
    GA-Chapter4.20180730.pdf

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