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favorite seinfeld lines


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  • Ex Army MP

    Love the shrinkage one. That was the episode where they all had to go to the Hamptons and see " the baby". I loved it when the doctor told Elaine she was breathtaking and later referred to the ugly baby the same way. When Elaine confronted him about it he said:

    " Well Elaine, sometimes we say things just to be nice".

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  • OWI Enforcer
    The episode where Kramer and Newman argue over Millennium New Years Plans:

    Newman: 'I guess I can handle a little Jerry if it gets me a WHOLE LOT OF ELAINE.'

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  • ascouli
    Hi Five!.............You owe me five!

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  • Chief Wiggum
    Also don't forget the whole "Assman" episode.

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  • Chief Wiggum
    "He tried to lamb, but they cheesed him!"


    "There was no pick! NO PICK!"
    Last edited by Chief Wiggum; 06-22-2007, 01:28 PM.

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  • Buttercup
    Why don't you just TELL me the name of the movie you want to see?
    Last edited by Buttercup; 06-22-2007, 01:04 PM.

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  • Buttercup
    "Do you ever get down on your knees and thank God that you have access to my dementia?"

    Hoochie Mama!!!!


    "At the Festivus dinner, you gather your family around and tell them all the ways they have disappointed you over the past year."

    "And is there a tree?"

    "No. Instead, there's a pole. Requires no decoration. I find tinsel distracting."

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  • ascouli
    It feel's like an Arby's night! (squint your eyes when you say it)

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  • Jellybean400
    LOL!! that fits good on a Seinfeld thread...

    my niece and i call it "Seinfelding" a guy, like drop them for some "dumb" reason...she does it all the time because she dates alot...

    one guy arranged all his clothes by color in his closet, and had like 10 blue shirts of the same shirt...he also stirred his drinks with the opposite end of a knife...so she "Seinfelded" him...in other words, she stopped seeing him LOL

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  • lionheart45

    After I posted this thread I realized it was in the wrong section.. yea yea..

    2 hours later I checked and no responses and I figured it was a dud, forgot about it and check today and was very happy

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  • Ex Army MP
    Jerry at the reservation desk in the airport.

    Lady ate the counter: I know what a reservation is, sir.

    Jerry: I don't think you do. You know to to take the reservation; you just don't know how to keep the reservation. Which, really, is the most important part of the reservation; the hold.

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  • CAHokie
    KRAMER: Absolutely not. I mean, what are you thinking about, jerry? Marriage? Family?
    JERRY: Well...
    KRAMER: They're prisons. Man made prisons. You're doing time. You get up in the morning. She's there. You go to sleep at night. She's there. It's like you gotta ask permission to use the bathroom. Is it all right if I use the bathroom now?
    JERRY: Really?
    KRAMER: Yeah, and you can forget about watching TV while you're eating.
    JERRY: I can?
    KRAMER: Oh, yeah. You know why? Because it's dinner time. And you know what you do at dinner?
    JERRY: What?
    KRAMER: You talk about your day. How was your day today? Did you have a good day today or a bad day today? Well, what kind of day was it? Well, I don't know. How about you? How was your day

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  • JSD73
    The episode with Kenny Rogers Chicken was a classic as well. Newman tastes the broccoli trying to tell Jerry it's his (covering for Kramer)"Vile Weed!!"

    And never forget the Soup Nazi NO SOUP FOR YOU!!

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  • Bearcat357
    (Kramer casually enters, takes a few step toward the kitchen, and slaps a wad of bills onto the counter)

    KRAMER: (Declaring) I'm out!

    (Kramer now has the attention of everyone in the room. Jerry's mouth is open in shock. A moment passes)

    ELAINE: What?!

    KRAMER: Yeah, I'm out - I'm out of the contest.

    GEORGE: You're out?!

    KRAMER: Yeah, yeah.. (Notes their reactions) what?

    ELAINE: Well, that was fast!

    JERRY: Well, it was that woman across the street. (To Jerry) You know, you better be careful, buddy. She's gonna get you next. (Walks out, shutting the door

    behind him)

    (Jerry, Elaine, and George all look at each other, reflecting)

    ELAINE: ..And then there were three.

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  • Bearcat357
    JERRY: (To George) What's the matter?

    GEORGE: (Slowly shakes his head) My mother caught me.

    JERRY: "Caught" you? Doing what?

    GEORGE: You know. (All three give him blank stares) I was alone..

    ELAINE: (Making a face of surprise) You mean..?!

    GEORGE: (Nods) Uh-huh.

    KRAMER: (Laughing) She caught you?

    (Elaine laughs with Kramer)

    JERRY: Where?

    GEORGE: (Not really wanting to embellish) ..I stopped by the house to drop the car off, and I went inside for a few minutes.. Nobody was there - they're supposed

    to be working. (Jerry and Elaine look at each other - enjoying the story) My mother had a Glamour magazine, I started leafing through it..

    JERRY: "Glamour"?

    (Kramer and Elaine laugh slightly)

    GEORGE: ..So, one thing lead to another..

    JERRY: So, what did she do?

    GEORGE: First she screams, "George, what are you doing?! My God!" And it looked like she was gonna faint - she started clutching the wall, trying to hang onto it.

    KRMAER: (Reflecting on the story so far) Man..

    GEORGE: I didn't know whether to try and keep her from falling, or zip up.

    JERRY: What did you do?

    GEORGE: I zipped up!

    ELAINE: (Wide-eyed) So, she fell?

    GEORGE: Yeah. (Noticing this makes him out to be the bad kid, he gets defensive) Well, I couldn't run over there the way I was!

    ELAINE: No, I guess you couldn't have..

    JERRY: (In the middle of Elaine's sentence, smiling) No, I wouldn't think so.

    ELAINE: (Finishing it off) ..done that.

    GEORGE: So, she fell, and then she started screaming, "My back! My back!" So, I picked her up and took her to the hospital.

    ELAINE: (Between chuckles) How is she?

    GEORGE: (Somewhat angered) She's in traction.

    ELAINE: (Still laughing) Ok, I'm sorry.

    GEORGE: It's not funny, Elaine.

    ELAINE: (Stifling her laughter) I know. I'm sorry. I'm serious.

    GEORGE: Her back went out. She's gotta be there for a couple of days. All she said on the way over in the car was, "Why, George, why?!".. I said, "Because it's


    (Kramer laughs, sipping his drink)

    JERRY: "Glamour"?

    (Elaine laughs)

    GEORGE: (Vowing) Well, I'll tell you this, though - I am never doing.. that , again.

    ELAINE: What, you mean, in your mother's house, or all together?

    GEORGE: (Definite) All together.

    (The next three lines are said at the exact same time)

    ELAINE: Oh, gimme a break..

    JERRY: (Skeptical) Ohhh yeah.. right.

    KRAMER: Oh, like you're gonna stop?


    GEORGE: You don't think I can?

    JERRY: No chance.

    GEORGE: (Daring) You think you could?

    JERRY: Well, I know I could hold out longer than you.

    GEORGE: Care to make it interesting?

    JERRY: Sure, how much?

    GEORGE: A hundred dollars.

    JERRY: (Pointing) You're on.

    KRAMER: (Butting in) Wait a second, wait a second. Count me in on this. (Clicks his tongue)

    JERRY: You?

    KRAMER: Yeah.

    JERRY: You'll be out before we get the check.

    ELAINE: (Smiling) I want to be in on this, too.

    GEORGE AND JERRY: (Rejecting) Ohh, no. No, no, no..

    ELAINE: Why?

    JERRY: (Showing difference) It's apples and oranges..

    ELAINE: What? Why? (More 'no, no, no's from Jerry and George. Persistent) Why?

    JERRY: Because you're a woman!

    ELAINE: So what?

    JERRY: It's easier for a woman not to do it than a man.

    ELAINE: (Sarcastic) Oh.

    JERRY: We have to do it. It's part of our lifestyle. It's like, uh.. shaving.

    ELAINE: Oh, that is such bologna. I shave my legs.

    KRAMER: (Making a point) Not everyday.

    GEORGE: Alright, look, you want to be in?

    ELAINE: Yeah!

    GEORGE: You gotta give us odds. At least two to one - you gotta put up two-hundred dollars.

    KRAMER: No, a thousand!

    ELAINE: No, I'll - I'll put up one-fifty.

    GEORGE: Alright, you're in for one-fifty.

    JERRY: (Nodding) Okay, one-fifty.

    GEORGE: Alright, now, how are we gonna monitor this thing?

    JERRY: Well, obviously, we all know each other very well, (Elaine slightly laughs) I'm sure that we'll all feel comfortable within the confines of the honor system.

    KRAMER: Alright. (Holds out his pinkie at the center of the table)

    (Jerry, Elaine, and George all hook their pinkies onto his, in a 'pinkie promise', they all pull their hand away, yelling out "Yeah!")

    (Scene ends)

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