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favorite seinfeld lines

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  • #46
    Boss: I'm going to get right to the point. It has come to my attention that you and the cleaning woman have engaged in sexual intercourse on the desk in your office. Is that correct?

    George: Who said that?

    Boss: She did.

    George: Was that wrong? Should I have not done that? I tell you I gotta plead ignorance on this thing because if anyone had said anything to me at all when I first started here that that sort of thing was frowned upon, you know, cause I've worked in a lot of offices and I tell you people do that all the time.

    Boss: You're fired.


    God I love that Show...
    Most important thing you and your partner do today is make off duty roll call.

    There are very few problems which cannot be solved by the suitable application of high explosives.

    “Is there one G or two G’s in staggered?”

    “You better put two he was pretty drunk.”

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    • #47
      How about the one where George was playing Trivial Pursuit with the Bubble Boy?

      George: Who Invaded Spain in the 8th Century?

      Bubble Boy: That's easy. The Moors.

      George: Sorry, it was The Moops.

      Bubble Boy: There is no Moops, you idiot. That's a misprint.

      George: Sorry, but the card says Moops.


      "Jerry, just remember, it’s not a lie if you believe it". George Constanza.

      Comment


      • #48
        Originally posted by Kelly828 View Post
        Elaine to a lady at a party that keeps asking where her "baby" went: "Maybe the Dingo ate your baby!"... in an australian accent.
        -----
        George: "You gonna go out with her again?"
        Jerry: "I don't know. She kind of creeps me out. She has man-hands."
        K. Wait. Stop.
        I'm so glad someone brought this up. What the hell did this mean? She was grinning and the audience was roaring (or at least the laugh track, signalling laughter) and each time I watch it, I still don't get it.
        Seems to be an obscure reference or something.....please, fill me in!
        For those who want to argue religion, my views are in the sig. This avoids days of repetition and is convenient. Thanks and good luck in your quest.

        Answering Infidels
        Faith issues
        Challenging hardcore atheism
        Reasonable Faith

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        • #49
          I guess you mean the "dingo" line?

          its originally from a real life story where a women's baby was carried off by a dingo in austraulia and she was convicted of murder. she was on the news saying what Elaine mimicked with her australian accent. search google with "dingo ate my baby" and you can read the story.

          There was a movie made, i think it was called "A Cry in the Dark." The line got to be a tag-line, and T-shirts had been made up, etc.

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          • #50
            This is one of the earlier episodes, when Elaine and Jerry break up, and Elaine goes to his apartment to pick up all her stuff..

            Elaine: "Well I guess that just about................DOES it."
            "When people show you who they are, believe them." - Maya Angelou

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            • #51
              The one where Kramer starts going to work at a company when he doesn't even work there. I can't remember it word for word, so if someone else does, feel free to post it.

              Boss: 'It's as if you have no business training whatsoever. I'm sorry but I'm gonna have to let you go.'
              Kramer: 'But I don't even work here.'
              Boss: 'That's what makes this so difficult.'

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              • #52
                Originally posted by OWI Enforcer View Post
                The one where Kramer starts going to work at a company when he doesn't even work there. I can't remember it word for word, so if someone else does, feel free to post it.

                Boss: 'It's as if you have no business training whatsoever. I'm sorry but I'm gonna have to let you go.'
                Kramer: 'But I don't even work here.'
                Boss: 'That's what makes this so difficult.'
                That's my favorite episode! I love when Kramer is walking out the door with his briefcase..

                Jerry: "What's in the briefcase?"
                Kramer: "Crackers."
                "When people show you who they are, believe them." - Maya Angelou

                Comment


                • #53
                  'K-Uger!'


                  And Also:
                  Kramer - 'I've cut slices so thin I couldn't even see them.'
                  Jerry - 'How'd you know they were there?'
                  Kramer - 'I just assumed...'

                  Comment


                  • #54
                    Originally posted by Sully49 View Post
                    That's my favorite episode! I love when Kramer is walking out the door with his briefcase..

                    Jerry: "What's in the briefcase?"
                    Kramer: "Crackers."
                    ...and the song is playing "My baby takes the morning train, he works from nine till five and then, he takes another home again to find me waitin' for him..."

                    classic!

                    Comment


                    • #55
                      Originally posted by Jellybean400 View Post
                      ...and the song is playing "My baby takes the morning train, he works from nine till five and then, he takes another home again to find me waitin' for him..."

                      classic!
                      I know, and he's getting slammed into by all the people coming off the subway! HAHAHAHA. Good stuff.
                      "When people show you who they are, believe them." - Maya Angelou

                      Comment


                      • #56
                        Elaine goes on a date and gets a surprise at the end:


                        "He took it out."
                        "'It'?"
                        "It."
                        "'Out'?"
                        "Out."
                        . . . . .
                        "How can that be?"
                        "Ohhhhh, it be."

                        Another favorite is when Kramer gets lost in the city and calls Jerry from a pay phone:

                        Jerry "What street are you on?"
                        Kramer "I'm on First and First. How can the same street intersect with itself? I must be at the nexus of the universe!"
                        Taylor1430
                        Forum Member
                        Last edited by Taylor1430; 06-18-2007, 05:01 PM.

                        Comment


                        • #57
                          JERRY: (To George) What's the matter?

                          GEORGE: (Slowly shakes his head) My mother caught me.

                          JERRY: "Caught" you? Doing what?

                          GEORGE: You know. (All three give him blank stares) I was alone..

                          ELAINE: (Making a face of surprise) You mean..?!

                          GEORGE: (Nods) Uh-huh.

                          KRAMER: (Laughing) She caught you?

                          (Elaine laughs with Kramer)

                          JERRY: Where?

                          GEORGE: (Not really wanting to embellish) ..I stopped by the house to drop the car off, and I went inside for a few minutes.. Nobody was there - they're supposed

                          to be working. (Jerry and Elaine look at each other - enjoying the story) My mother had a Glamour magazine, I started leafing through it..

                          JERRY: "Glamour"?

                          (Kramer and Elaine laugh slightly)

                          GEORGE: ..So, one thing lead to another..

                          JERRY: So, what did she do?

                          GEORGE: First she screams, "George, what are you doing?! My God!" And it looked like she was gonna faint - she started clutching the wall, trying to hang onto it.

                          KRMAER: (Reflecting on the story so far) Man..

                          GEORGE: I didn't know whether to try and keep her from falling, or zip up.

                          JERRY: What did you do?

                          GEORGE: I zipped up!

                          ELAINE: (Wide-eyed) So, she fell?

                          GEORGE: Yeah. (Noticing this makes him out to be the bad kid, he gets defensive) Well, I couldn't run over there the way I was!

                          ELAINE: No, I guess you couldn't have..

                          JERRY: (In the middle of Elaine's sentence, smiling) No, I wouldn't think so.

                          ELAINE: (Finishing it off) ..done that.

                          GEORGE: So, she fell, and then she started screaming, "My back! My back!" So, I picked her up and took her to the hospital.

                          ELAINE: (Between chuckles) How is she?

                          GEORGE: (Somewhat angered) She's in traction.

                          ELAINE: (Still laughing) Ok, I'm sorry.

                          GEORGE: It's not funny, Elaine.

                          ELAINE: (Stifling her laughter) I know. I'm sorry. I'm serious.

                          GEORGE: Her back went out. She's gotta be there for a couple of days. All she said on the way over in the car was, "Why, George, why?!".. I said, "Because it's

                          there!"

                          (Kramer laughs, sipping his drink)

                          JERRY: "Glamour"?

                          (Elaine laughs)

                          GEORGE: (Vowing) Well, I'll tell you this, though - I am never doing.. that , again.

                          ELAINE: What, you mean, in your mother's house, or all together?

                          GEORGE: (Definite) All together.

                          (The next three lines are said at the exact same time)

                          ELAINE: Oh, gimme a break..

                          JERRY: (Skeptical) Ohhh yeah.. right.

                          KRAMER: Oh, like you're gonna stop?

                          JERRY AND ELAINE: C'mon..

                          GEORGE: You don't think I can?

                          JERRY: No chance.

                          GEORGE: (Daring) You think you could?

                          JERRY: Well, I know I could hold out longer than you.

                          GEORGE: Care to make it interesting?

                          JERRY: Sure, how much?

                          GEORGE: A hundred dollars.

                          JERRY: (Pointing) You're on.

                          KRAMER: (Butting in) Wait a second, wait a second. Count me in on this. (Clicks his tongue)

                          JERRY: You?

                          KRAMER: Yeah.

                          JERRY: You'll be out before we get the check.

                          ELAINE: (Smiling) I want to be in on this, too.

                          GEORGE AND JERRY: (Rejecting) Ohh, no. No, no, no..

                          ELAINE: Why?

                          JERRY: (Showing difference) It's apples and oranges..

                          ELAINE: What? Why? (More 'no, no, no's from Jerry and George. Persistent) Why?

                          JERRY: Because you're a woman!

                          ELAINE: So what?

                          JERRY: It's easier for a woman not to do it than a man.

                          ELAINE: (Sarcastic) Oh.

                          JERRY: We have to do it. It's part of our lifestyle. It's like, uh.. shaving.

                          ELAINE: Oh, that is such bologna. I shave my legs.

                          KRAMER: (Making a point) Not everyday.

                          GEORGE: Alright, look, you want to be in?

                          ELAINE: Yeah!

                          GEORGE: You gotta give us odds. At least two to one - you gotta put up two-hundred dollars.

                          KRAMER: No, a thousand!

                          ELAINE: No, I'll - I'll put up one-fifty.

                          GEORGE: Alright, you're in for one-fifty.

                          JERRY: (Nodding) Okay, one-fifty.

                          GEORGE: Alright, now, how are we gonna monitor this thing?

                          JERRY: Well, obviously, we all know each other very well, (Elaine slightly laughs) I'm sure that we'll all feel comfortable within the confines of the honor system.

                          KRAMER: Alright. (Holds out his pinkie at the center of the table)

                          (Jerry, Elaine, and George all hook their pinkies onto his, in a 'pinkie promise', they all pull their hand away, yelling out "Yeah!")

                          (Scene ends)

                          Comment


                          • #58
                            (Kramer casually enters, takes a few step toward the kitchen, and slaps a wad of bills onto the counter)

                            KRAMER: (Declaring) I'm out!

                            (Kramer now has the attention of everyone in the room. Jerry's mouth is open in shock. A moment passes)

                            ELAINE: What?!

                            KRAMER: Yeah, I'm out - I'm out of the contest.

                            GEORGE: You're out?!

                            KRAMER: Yeah, yeah.. (Notes their reactions) what?

                            ELAINE: Well, that was fast!

                            JERRY: Well, it was that woman across the street. (To Jerry) You know, you better be careful, buddy. She's gonna get you next. (Walks out, shutting the door

                            behind him)

                            (Jerry, Elaine, and George all look at each other, reflecting)

                            ELAINE: ..And then there were three.

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                            • #59
                              The episode with Kenny Rogers Chicken was a classic as well. Newman tastes the broccoli trying to tell Jerry it's his (covering for Kramer)"Vile Weed!!"


                              And never forget the Soup Nazi NO SOUP FOR YOU!!
                              Moooooooooooo, I'm a goat

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                              • #60
                                KRAMER: Absolutely not. I mean, what are you thinking about, jerry? Marriage? Family?
                                JERRY: Well...
                                KRAMER: They're prisons. Man made prisons. You're doing time. You get up in the morning. She's there. You go to sleep at night. She's there. It's like you gotta ask permission to use the bathroom. Is it all right if I use the bathroom now?
                                JERRY: Really?
                                KRAMER: Yeah, and you can forget about watching TV while you're eating.
                                JERRY: I can?
                                KRAMER: Oh, yeah. You know why? Because it's dinner time. And you know what you do at dinner?
                                JERRY: What?
                                KRAMER: You talk about your day. How was your day today? Did you have a good day today or a bad day today? Well, what kind of day was it? Well, I don't know. How about you? How was your day

                                Comment

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