Things That Make You Go “What The...

[Iowa #1603]

[QUOTE=PR723;n6658139]

I was

Iowa, I know very little about your state, but I can imagine there have been times in your career when your medical training helped to save lives knowing that EMS would not be able to arrive in a timely manner because there wasn't a FD in the vicinity.

Please share your sick humor with us.

I was one of the first 400 paramedics licensed in Iowa................yes I learned from Johnny and Roy..................... We started licensing PM;s in 1981 I was licensed in 1982 and was an EMT since 1976

I worked as a Deputy Sheriff Paramedic at that time................

I spent a LOT of ER time during training .................and had more than one discussion session in front of the X Ray viewer.

[PR723]

[QUOTE=Iowa #1603;n6658158]

I was one of the first 400 paramedics licensed in Iowa................yes I learned from Johnny and Roy..................... We started licensing PM;s in 1981 I was licensed in 1982 and was an EMT since 1976

I spent a LOT of ER time during training .................and had more than one discussion session in front of the X Ray viewer.

Oh, do tell!

Side question: Did you enjoy LE and being a paramedic equally or is LE more of your passion?

[not.in.MY.town]

I spent a LOT of ER time during training .................and had more than one discussion session in front of the X Ray viewer.

Oh, do tell!

This is like pulling corncobs... Share some WTF stories already, brother!

[Iowa #1603]

[QUOTE=PR723;n6658160]

Oh, do tell!

Side question: Did you enjoy LE and being a paramedic equally or is LE more of your passion?

I was an EMT long before I was a cop................. I "retired " from being a medic in the late 1980's

I have been busy working off and on today preparing for an extradition trip on Wednesday, a take your felon to prison trip on Tuesday and a take a nut job to the hospital this afternoon.

I just don't have time to get into story time today

[PR723]

Understand. Thanks for hanging out.

[not.in.MY.town]

I bet your kids have some interesting stories about the punishments you have doled out over the years.

Nah. They mostly got their butts spanked when they were little. I got more "creative" as they got older...but I can assure you that none of the punishments involved ANYTHING mentioned in this thread.

I need a few minutes to let the unicorns and corn cob sink in.

Vaseline should help.

[PR723]

Thanks for the advice. Vaseline is a great multipurpose product.

[not.in.MY.town]

I was an EMT long before I was a cop................. I "retired " from being a medic in the late 1980's

I have been busy working off and on today preparing for an extradition trip on Wednesday, a take your felon to prison trip on Tuesday and a take a nut job to the hospital this afternoon.

I just don't have time to get into story time today

Ohhhkayyy. You go get all your important trips done (and make sure to take notes of all the WTF stuff that goes down). We'll be patiently waiting here, sitting around the campfire, roasting corncobs and sipping ginger tea...

[Iowa #1603]

Quite minute
after supper


Number 1

Went into the ER one night when I was on patrol after being called on the radio to report to the hospital when available...................

Walked in..............everyone including the ER director was at the X Ray viewer. Dr waves me in ........."Get over here NOW"

Lower abdomen plate is on the viewer............................LARGE 12" penis shaped object laying cross-ways in center of the film.

Thinking nothing of it I asked how she did that............smirking

Dr said (without missing a beat ) HE just came in for a battery change

They had to take him to the OR to dilate the sphincter to remove it...........................

Number 2

Went in one night for coffee................................nurse was in the office laughing .......I asked what was going on...............she pointed at the X ray view laughed and walked into the rest room

I looked...............this time I could REALLY tell it was a guy......................................but , there was metal triangles all up and down the shaft.........It looked like a zipper

Well............................it was a zipper. and his manhood..............intertwined.

Lothario was in between the sheets when the husband came home. He jumped up and grabbed his pants and zipped up.............ZIPPING himSELF into the zipper

Another trip to the OR to remove.......................

(back story to above story)
He was sewn up and told that he needed to keep from getting excited for 2 weeks minimum. 4 nights later he was in the ER to get sewn up again.........Seems he just couldn't help himself

[PR723]

I'm afraid the only 2 " WTF" moments I had today can't touch 12" dildos, erections, zippers that bite, unicorns and corn cobs.

We recognize pts who are discharging by having a brief " celebration"at the nurses station at the end of morning treatment. The therapists stand next to his/her pt, introduces the pt, announces what day the pt is discharging and presents the pt with a " Journey Home" t-shirt. We all clap and cheer. However, one of my co-workers has a male pt who requested strippers instead. Yes. He is cognitively intact.

I can't believe I just mentioned dildos, erections, zippers,unicorns and corn cobs in one sentence........I LOVE IT!!

[Iowa #1603]

This one is both medical and Corrections related

We had this one .................ahem..........gentleman who was a hoarder..................he horded EVERYTHING.

On day he started having stomach cramps....................went to the infirmary and was examined. Couldn't find anything wrong

Finally asked when his last BM was..................................he said a week. He then said he can't BM because he is ............................storing things there.

Nurse said " NO WAY. in HELL am I looking......take him to the ER NOW"

ER doc took 3 lbs of hair, nail clippings, paper and other "objects" from his man purse........................

And we are not even going to discuss the guy with the stick deodorant cap stuck up there..............................

[PR723]

This one is both medical and Corrections related

We had this one .................ahem..........gentleman who was a hoarder..................he horded EVERYTHING.

On day he started having stomach cramps....................went to the infirmary and was examined. Couldn't find anything wrong

Finally asked when his last BM was..................................he said a week. He then said he can't BM because he is ............................storing things there.

Nurse said " NO WAY. in HELL am I looking......take him to the ER NOW"

ER doc took 3 lbs of hair, nail clippings, paper and other "objects" from his man purse........................

And we are not even going to discuss the guy with the stick deodorant cap stuck up there..............................

MY.town, NOLA, BTDT2,
I believe I need to step away to brew a cup of ginger tea.

[NOLA2005]

Just be careful where you get that ginger from.

[Iowa #1603]

MY.town, NOLA, BTDT2,
I believe I need to step away to brew a cup of ginger tea.

I hope you realize I haven't got to any of the gross stuff yet

[BTDT2]

WTF ^^^^^^^

[not.in.MY.town]

Haha. Cute. I must wonder though: Does it burn like hell or are gingers immune to their own juices??

[NOLA2005]

WTF ^^^^^^^

Well you see Sani when a lady ginger loves a guy ginger, they hump the heck out of each other...And that's how we get new ginger. Hope this helps!

[BTDT2]

I think there's more to not.in.MY.town’s ginger root story…..

[Curt5811]

I hope you realize I haven't got to any of the gross stuff yet

Yeah, I did my time working in the County Jail. If anyone reading has never worked in a corrections setting before, you can't even imagine the things that go on. If you have worked there, you've got stories of your own. Here's two (moderate) examples

A longtime frequent flyer chronic EDP female brought in wearing bellychains and leg irons. She was cooperative, but had a "history". She was placed in a cell and had the hardware removed without incident. Except... one of the officers forgot the leg irons on his way out the cell door. Long story short, she had to be re-secured in hardware and taken on a hospital run to have the ER folks remove the regulation Smith&Wesson Model 1900 leg irons removed from her genitals. All up in there, none of it showing.

Another regular (male) had a habit of pulling the staples out of magazines and inserting them into the veins in his arms and legs, and inserting pencils into his urethra, to the point that scar tissue built up and he eventually needed a catheter to pee. He also like to swallow the little tubes of toothpaste the church people liked to give out.

[Iowa #1603]

Then there was the guy that cut his wrists..................................took him to the doctor who did a good job stitching him up.

Back to the prison where he almost immediately tore the stitches out.

BACK to the ER where the doctor "forgot" to use lidocane when he RE Stitched .........................

Then looked the guy in the eye and said YOU ARE NOT going to tear these out .........................and promptly CASTED both arms