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Zen And The Wisdom Of Life

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  • Zen And The Wisdom Of Life

    It has been a while since I posted anything funny. That is mostly because I got banned the last time But, I think this is okay:



    1. Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me either. Just pretty much leave me the hell alone.

    2. It's always darkest before dawn. So if you're going to steal your neighbor's newspaper, that's the time to do it.

    3. Sex is like air -- it's not important unless you aren't getting any.

    4. No one is listening until you fart.

    5. If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of car payments.

    6. Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile away, and you have their shoes.

    7. If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.

    8. Give a man a fish, and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.

    9. If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again, it was worth it.

    10. Don't worry--It only seems kinky the first time.

    11. Good judgment comes from bad experience, and a lot of that comes from bad judgment.

    12. There are two theories about arguing with women. Neither one works.

    13. Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.

    14. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.
    If you ever have sprained ankle, give me a call.

  • #2
    Originally posted by DaveinUtah

    13. Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.
    That is very true.

    Comment


    • #3
      Originally posted by DaveinUtah
      12. There are two theories about arguing with women. Neither one works.

      This is my favorite one right here. Totally true.

      I know I will get slapped across the face for this one. But oh well, its all worth it.

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      • #4
        Something about sleeping pills and LAxatives just made me laugh. Glad your back DIU. Post some more of these things.
        I got nothing for now

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        • #5
          The earily bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.

          Eagles may soar but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines

          I used to have an open mind but my brains kept falling out

          "In these modern times, many men are wounded for not having weapons or knowledge of their use."
          -Achille Marozzo, 1536

          Ne Obliviscaris - Do Not Forget

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