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  • What do you with life experience

    Ok, I don't know what I was on when I came up with that subject heading.

    I know this isn't one of those personal help forums or anything, but I sort of got myself into a situation last night and I'd like some people's opinions who have some life experience.

    There's this guy at work (Wal-Mart) in his 30s. He's married (to a fairly large cranky woman) and he has kids. He was also once divorced. Out of the blue last night he asked me if I wanted to go out for coffee on Saturday and I said yes because I didn't want to be a jerk and blow him off and make him feel rejected and I wanted to give him the benefit of the doubt. I don't know if he meant as just friends or anything, but I'm 19 and he's in his 30s. He's not the kind of people I hang around with. I had to give him my cell number because I knew my dad would freak out if he called the house. (Red lights are flashing at this point. NOT a good sign.) I feel really uncomfortable about this and I really don't want to go, but I already said I would. Should I just go on Saturday and let that be it, or somehow cancel and risk having him treat me like a piece of crap at work?

    Why can't it ever be the guys I want to ask me out for coffee be the one's who ask? Instead those ones just stare at me when I walk into Tim Hortons in the morning, or point and giggle and then duck out of the way as if they're not doing anything when I turn around. I would expect people in their mid 20s to act more mature.
    Last edited by Spee-Dee; 08-10-2005, 02:31 PM.

  • #2
    BIG, BIG, BIG mistake. The guy's a loser and he'll drag you and your name through the mud. If you want to break it off, just ask him where he and his wife are planning on meeting you. If you don't break it off right away, you'll just encourage him and he'll keep hounding you.
    PS: Your Dad would be right!
    Extremism in the pursuit of liberty is no vice. Barry Goldwater

    Comment


    • #3
      Ok kiddo,

      To be completely honest (and a tad cynical) there a very few 30 yr guys that are going ask a 19 yr old women out for a coffee because they need a new friend. And saying you'll go out with him so you can avoid an ackward situation is just going to create a more ackward situation in the future when he asks you out a second time, or tries to bust-a-move on you Saturday night!

      If he was looking to be your friend or mentor he'd being bring you over to his house to meet his family.

      If you happen to see him before Saturday, ask him if he got the message you left with his wife that you weren't going to be able to make on Saturday. The look on his face should let you know his intentions!!

      If I were you I would definantely not go. If he treats you poorly afterward, act professional, and deal with it through respectful workplace policies.

      If that fails, then there are other avenues to pursue.

      Comment


      • #4
        Originally posted by keith758
        BIG, BIG, BIG mistake. The guy's a loser and he'll drag you and your name through the mud.
        I already had that with one former workplace guy incident and I don't want it to happen again. I tried to take him down after he tried to "bust-a-move" on me while he was at work. He beat me to the police and he and the store manager started filing false harassment complaints against me. (It probably didn't help much that I had been fired from that place after only working there for 6 weeks, but that's another story.) I tried to explain what happened to the police officer who called me he told me "that (he) doesn't know anything about that" and that I should "just stay away from there and stop harassing (him)." I was never charged with anything, but it's on my file and that's probably not going to look too good when I'm trying to get into the RCMP.

        If you want to break it off, just ask him where he and his wife are planning on meeting you. If you don't break it off right away, you'll just encourage him and he'll keep hounding you.
        That's what another girl at work told me to do as well. Unfortunately I'm off now until Saturday.

        PS: Your Dad would be right!
        Yeah. Right now I kinda have this mental image of my dad standing in the front entrance with my dog beside him and my uncle's hunting rifle just waiting for him. He always said that he was sending my dog with me on any date I went on.

        If he was looking to be your friend or mentor he'd being bring you over to his house to meet his family.
        Yeah, I don't see much of a mentor in a Wal-mart lifer for me personally. I kinda had a chance to see his family when they came through my till and it was scary and that's what makes me question his intentions now. Honestly, I don't like to judge people on how they look, but there has to be some truth to some of it.

        If you happen to see him before Saturday, ask him if he got the message you left with his wife that you weren't going to be able to make on Saturday. The look on his face should let you know his intentions!!
        If only I had his phone number or last name so that I could have said I looked him up so that I could have used that.

        I feel like such a hypocrite. Here I'm the one whose always trying to protect my friends from being picked up by creepy drunk guys at the bars and I can't even keep myself out of trouble with losers.

        On another note, I don't suppose one of you knows what the laws in Canada are for keeping pepper spray on you for personal defence, do you? I already have a rape whistle on my keys and my key themselves could easily double as a weapon. They must weigh at least a pound.

        Comment


        • #5
          Pepper spray is a considered a prohibited weapon.

          http://laws.justice.gc.ca/en/c-46/sor-98-462/82866.html

          PART 3
          PROHIBITED WEAPONS

          Former Prohibited Weapons Order, No. 1

          1. Any device designed to be used for the purpose of injuring, immobilizing or otherwise incapacitating any person by the discharge therefrom of

          (a) tear gas, Mace or other gas, or

          (b) any liquid, spray, powder or other substance that is capable of injuring, immobilizing or otherwise incapacitating any person.


          Will you get charged or even have the spray seized if you are carring a litte can of dog spray, and you tell the police officer you that you've been chased by dogs while out for a run, probably not.

          Can you walk through downtown Regina with a big honkin can of bear spray concealed in your jacket? No.

          Would I take a small can or pepper spray away from a woman, probably not. I would advise her that there is always a chance that it can be taken away and used against her.

          Comment


          • #6
            Originally posted by cst.sb

            Would I take a small can or pepper spray away from a woman, probably not. I would advise her that there is always a chance that it can be taken away and used against her.
            I've been told that too. I've been told that flailing one's arms is one of the best ways to keep from being grabbed and if ever taken hostage that I should faint because then it's too difficult to carry dead weight. Any truth to that?

            Why don't they teach this sort of stuff in school?

            Comment


            • #7
              Your best defense if you're grabbed is to pulverize his testicles, and run like hell. Don't try anything fancy. Gouge eyes, bite, hit and get away. That being said, there are a lot of decent guys out there, and the only way you'll meet them is to forget about the losers you meet.
              Extremism in the pursuit of liberty is no vice. Barry Goldwater

              Comment


              • #8
                Originally posted by keith758
                Your best defense if you're grabbed is to pulverize his testicles, and run like hell. Don't try anything fancy. Gouge eyes, bite, hit and get away. That being said, there are a lot of decent guys out there, and the only way you'll meet them is to forget about the losers you meet.
                I seem to only attract the losers and creepy 50+ guys.

                Comment


                • #9
                  Any pix of you? Just to help of course.....
                  Just shut your damn hole




                  Dead Souls-----They keep calling me

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Originally posted by cst.sb
                    Ok kiddo,

                    To be completely honest (and a tad cynical) there a very few 30 yr guys that are going ask a 19 yr old women out for a coffee because they need a new friend. And saying you'll go out with him so you can avoid an ackward situation is just going to create a more ackward situation in the future when he asks you out a second time, or tries to bust-a-move on you Saturday night!

                    If he was looking to be your friend or mentor he'd being bring you over to his house to meet his family.

                    If you happen to see him before Saturday, ask him if he got the message you left with his wife that you weren't going to be able to make on Saturday. The look on his face should let you know his intentions!!

                    If I were you I would definantely not go. If he treats you poorly afterward, act professional, and deal with it through respectful workplace policies.

                    If that fails, then there are other avenues to pursue.
                    Spee-Dee listen to this Man he speaks with Great Wisdom,And leave this 30yr old alone,there are alot of nice guys out there for you in your age range,Aint no job worth that kind of crap to put up with everyday.Check out your local churches some of them may have a collge and career class, for singles in your age range,some guys suffer from the same rejection,and are gun shy in going up to introduce themselves to you.Think of yourself as a Lady in waiting to meet her Prince Charming!

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Originally posted by Chiller
                      Any pix of you? Just to help of course.....
                      Not any good recent ones. I got a nice chipmunk face in the most recent one excluding my new photo ID for my DL. Nothing like having all your wisdom teeth pulled before the huge family get together. Not that I go around giving my pictures away on the internet either...

                      Anyone know the best way to tell him I've changed my mind without him taking it all personal and I face retaliation because of it? I can't avoid him at work either because he works at the desk right on the way into the breakroom and punch in clock. And getting a different job is not a very reasonable option at this point as I can't seem to find a different job. I've been trying to get out of there for the last 3 months.
                      Last edited by Spee-Dee; 08-10-2005, 05:38 PM.

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        Originally posted by Spee-Dee
                        There's this guy at work (Wal-Mart) in his 30s. He's married (to a fairly large cranky woman) and he has kids. He was also once divorced. Out of the blue last night he asked me if I wanted to go out for coffee on Saturday and I said yes because I didn't want to be a jerk and blow him off and make him feel rejected and I wanted to give him the benefit of the doubt. I don't know if he meant as just friends or anything, but I'm 19 and he's in his 30s. He's not the kind of people I hang around with. I had to give him my cell number because I knew my dad would freak out if he called the house. (Red lights are flashing at this point. NOT a good sign.) I feel really uncomfortable about this and I really don't want to go, but I already said I would. Should I just go on Saturday and let that be it, or somehow cancel and risk having him treat me like a piece of crap at work?

                        Why can't it ever be the guys I want to ask me out for coffee be the one's who ask? Instead those ones just stare at me when I walk into Tim Hortons in the morning, or point and giggle and then duck out of the way as if they're not doing anything when I turn around. I would expect people in their mid 20s to act more mature.
                        You're probably too young to have realized this yet - but men mature at a much slower rate than women. Finding a mature man your age is about as likely as you growing a second head.

                        Your "friend" is what I call a "wannabe player." This "nice guy" at work sees you as just another young, nieve conquest that can't say no to his advances - BLOW HIM OFF !!! He just wants you to stroke his ego ( and who knows what else !) Another suggestion would be for you to tell him that you'll meet him for coffee, but only if he brings his wife so you could meet her too. I guarantee you ~ he won't like that arrangement one bit !!! The reason this guy is divorced and his current wife is probably sooooo darn cranky is because he's off with other women every chance he gets !! Ask yourself - why would a married man with children rather spend a Saturday with you ( a 19 year old girl) than them ?

                        IF YOUR RED LIGHTS ARE GOING OFF - PAY ATTENTION !!!! A woman's intuition is seldom wrong !!!
                        [FONT=Garamond][SIZE=4][COLOR=Indigo]Oh listen tender lumplings let me take you by the hands...I

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Ok here we go,

                          You work for Walmart, not the best job in the world, but any job is better than no job. And you've been there for three months so hang in there until something better comes along. If you want to become join the RCMP you're going to have to explain any employment gaps over the last ten years. (Though, at 19yrs old I wouldn't worry about that to much)

                          However that being said, you are 19 yrs old now and EVERYTHING you do counts. If you want to be non-confrontational just tell him that something has come up and you won't be able to make it. Hopefully he'll won't immediately try and re-schedule. If he does BE VERY CLEAR with him that you are not interested.

                          I'll leave it to you to figure out, just make sure you're professional and not intentionally hurtful.

                          Walmart is a HUGE organization and they have taken a lot lumps over respectful workplaces issues in the last few years. If he harasses you talk to your supervisor or manager and document, document, document.

                          Also, go here http://www.gov.sk.ca/shrc/ and read the sa-scratch-me-one human rights code and regulations.

                          In the mean time, keep looking for a new job and take a couple businesses courses.

                          Remember to make sure if he persists in asking you out that you are very clear about your not being interested. When it comes to a pretty girl, or even a not so pretty girl, we guys can be pretty dumb.

                          good luck
                          Last edited by cst.sb; 08-10-2005, 06:13 PM.

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            Originally posted by Tender Lumpling
                            This "nice guy" at work sees you as just another young, nieve conquest that can't say no to his advances - BLOW HIM OFF !!!

                            He just wants you to stroke his ego ( and who knows what else !)

                            Ask yourself - why would a married man with children rather spend a Saturday with you ( a 19 year old girl) than them ?
                            I am fighting the devil inside me not to comment!!!

                            And you forgot to say that the guy proabably thinks "harass" is two words!!!!!
                            Last edited by cst.sb; 08-10-2005, 07:23 PM.

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              Originally posted by Tender Lumpling
                              You're probably too young to have realized this yet - but men mature at a much slower rate than women. Finding a mature man your age is about as likely as you growing a second head.

                              Your "friend" is what I call a "wannabe player." This "nice guy" at work sees you as just another young, nieve conquest that can't say no to his advances - BLOW HIM OFF !!! He just wants you to stroke his ego ( and who knows what else !) Another suggestion would be for you to tell him that you'll meet him for coffee, but only if he brings his wife so you could meet her too. I guarantee you ~ he won't like that arrangement one bit !!! The reason this guy is divorced and his current wife is probably sooooo darn cranky is because he's off with other women every chance he gets !! Ask yourself - why would a married man with children rather spend a Saturday with you ( a 19 year old girl) than them ?

                              IF YOUR RED LIGHTS ARE GOING OFF - PAY ATTENTION !!!! A woman's intuition is seldom wrong !!!
                              I agree completely, with one caveat - there are mature 19 year olds, but they are very rare.

                              Never, EVER say yes if if those red lights are going off before your eyes. You don't mention if he is in a supervisory position over you or not (I apologize if you did and I missed it).....even if he is, don't ever agree to something that you don't want to do. And the next time that someone who you view as undesirable asks you out, ask yourself if it's more important for you to be comfortable or for him not to feel rejected? There should only be one answer to that question.
                              IMO, you should very nicely cancel your "date." Nicely.
                              All human actions have one or more of these seven causes: chance, nature, compulsions, habit, reason, passion and desire.

                              Comment

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