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Who doesn't love George Carlin

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  • Who doesn't love George Carlin

    1. Ever wonder about those people who spend $2.00 apiece on those little
    bottles of Evian water? Try spelling Evian backwards: NAIVE.

    2. Isn't making a smoking section in a restaurant like making a peeing
    section in a swimming pool?

    3. OK.... so if the Jacksonville Jaguars are known as the "Jags" and the
    Tampa Bay Buccaneers are known as the "Bucs," what does that make the
    Tennessee Titans?

    4. If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea...does that mean that one
    enjoys it?

    5. There are three religious truths:
    a. Jews do not recognize Jesus as the Messiah.
    b. Protestants do not recognize the Pope as the leader of ! the Christian
    faith.
    c. Baptists do not recognize each other in the liquor store or at Hooters.

    6. If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren't people from Holland
    called Holes?

    7. Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?

    8. If a pig loses its voice, is it disgruntled?

    9. Why do croutons come in airtight packages? Aren't they just stale
    bread to begin with?

    10. Why is a person who plays the piano called a pianist but a person who
    drives a racecar is not called a racist?

    11. Why isn't the number 11 pronounced onety one?

    12. If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, doesn't it follow
    that electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted, cowboys deranged,
    models deposed, tree surgeons debarked, and dry cleaners depressed?

    13. If Fed Ex and UPS were to merge, would they call it Fed UP?

    14. Do Lipton Tea employees take coffee breaks?

    15. What hair color do they put on the driver's licenses of bald men?

    16. I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot
    more as they get older; then it dawned on me.... they're cramming for
    their final exam.

    17. I thought about how mothers feed their babies with tiny little spoons
    and forks, so I wondered what do Chinese mothers use? Toothpicks?

    18. Why do they put pictures of criminals up in the Post Office? What are
    we supposed to do, write to them? Why don't they just put their pictures
    on the postage stamps so the mailmen can look for them while they deliver
    the mail?

    19. If it's true that we are here to help! others, then what exactly are
    the others here for?

    20. You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.

    21. Ever wonder what the speed of lightning would be if it didn't zigzag?

    22. If a cow laughed, would milk come out of her nose?

    23. Whatever happened to Preparations A through G?
    If you ever have sprained ankle, give me a call.

  • #2
    I like that, which means you're weird, thanks.
    Kelly

    We are the thin blue line
    between you
    and all the money in the world.

    And no you can't have any.

    Comment


    • #3
      toothpicks.....that is great
      stay safe and always remember to look up!!

      "You've been talking to yourself in the mirror again haven't you ?

      chat room

      Comment


      • #4
        You forgot a classic one

        "How does a blind person know when he's done wiping his ***?"

        Makes ya think don't it? Love Carlin

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        • #5
          I used to like George Carlin, after I saw a skit where he talked about a police officer being shot and he said something to the effect "Die already you Mother F**CKER!" He does not love the police, thats for sure.

          Comment


          • #6
            Originally posted by apddawg
            "How does a blind person know when he's done wiping his ***?"

            Makes ya think don't it? Love Carlin
            Whoa, whoa, whoa! Am I the only one who doesn't visually inspect my used toilet paper? Personally I can tell when I'm done without checking out the paper. Too bad there's not a :barf: smiley.
            Bill Cosby: Stewie, what do you think candy is made out of?
            Stewie Griffin: Sunshine and farts! What the hell kind of question is that?!

            Comment

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