Need White Trash Advice

[L-1]

Fellow o.com members, I have come to you seeking wisdom and advice of a creative nature that only fellow cops can provide.

There are certain segments of my family that are to put it bluntly, white trash. Some time ago, one relative in particular (we'll call her Cousin Gimme, as in gimme some of yours) pointed out that I am a retired civil servant who spent 33 years earning a pension while she has nothing (totally ignoring the fact that she hasn't worked in years). Therefore, because I have more than she does, Cousin Gimme insisted I am obliged to share my pension money with her. (I have no doubt how she voted on the last two elections.)

Recently Cousin Gimme's daughter, who lives on the other side of the country, got married. The daughter sent out a post card to my 90 year old mother announcing her marriage and asking for a wedding gift. This was accompanied by a letter from Cousin Gimme strongly encouraging my mother to pony up with a wedding gift as well. Needless to say, my mother was rather insulted by such demands and said she wasn't going to send anything.

I had another thought. I suggested she send them a wedding gift so hideous that they would not only be ashamed to use or display it in their home, but that they would also be too embarrassed to re-gift it to someone else or put it out at a garage sale. They key to making this work is the item has to be of such a nature that it looks like a doddering old lady innocently purchased it, sincerely thinking it would be something they would truly enjoy or use.

Any recommendations on what horrid item to get them? I am thinking of a cost $20 or less.

[TheSlammer]

A weight scale for their bathroom. They may re gift it, but its a very offensive gift.

A pregnancy test kit.

[asullivan]

Well Sire Lieutenant, wid' da' super hot chick GF and since ya' asked...... gemmie, a few day'z ta' ponder this here Q..If iz come up wid' dump'in, I hope it meets your high standards..

Now in da' second part of your inquiry ya' mentioned "that only fellow cops can provide."

So which is it Ensteinium'z????

I assume this here "present" cain't be anonymous?? can we correct this here dilemma????.

And do it have ta' be from ya' mommy??? That makes it hard as jack'in da' O.COM Stage....

I cud send it from secta' 69 if ya' want...really, no problemo...

P.S. Whats da' drop dead date??????




Yours truly,
Da' civie stink bug!



P.S. Trig just mentioned a plunger fer' a toilet.(whateva' that tiz....) wid tha' stick cut off, he say mommy cud say label it as a hat.

I dink we cud do lot betta' personally....

Let me check my memory bank'z fer' a spell..

[Langford PR]

Lieutenant, I'll give up my 0.02 to you as I have on several occassions on duty with the hope it serves of some use and does not just come across as blunt.

I don't associate with human trash in my life whether its related to me or not. Cut them loose from your life and discontinue communicating with them. If your not willing to solve your own problem by dumping them.....(just like a DV victim who refuses to bail from the abuse)....then you know very well after 33 years of copdom that you'll just have to find some modicum of civility and then put up with them.

Blood relation, just like friendship, is owed nothing if it doesn't earn it. Good luck.

[So Fla Cop]

Fellow o.com members, I have come to you seeking wisdom and advice of a creative nature that only fellow cops can provide.

There are certain segments of my family that are to put it bluntly, white trash. Some time ago, one relative in particular (we'll call her Cousin Gimme, as in gimme some of yours) pointed out that I am a retired civil servant who spent 33 years earning a pension while she has nothing (totally ignoring the fact that she hasn't worked in years). Therefore, because I have more than she does, Cousin Gimme insisted I am obliged to share my pension money with her. (I have no doubt how she voted on the last two elections.)

Recently Cousin Gimme's daughter, who lives on the other side of the country, got married. The daughter sent out a post card to my 90 year old mother announcing her marriage and asking for a wedding gift. This was accompanied by a letter from Cousin Gimme strongly encouraging my mother to pony up with a wedding gift as well. Needless to say, my mother was rather insulted by such demands and said she wasn't going to send anything.

I had another thought. I suggested she send them a wedding gift so hideous that they would not only be ashamed to use or display it in their home, but that they would also be too embarrassed to re-gift it to someone else or put it out at a garage sale. They key to making this work is the item has to be of such a nature that it looks like a doddering old lady innocently purchased it, sincerely thinking it would be something they would truly enjoy or use.

Any recommendations on what horrid item to get them? I am thinking of a cost $20 or less.

A banjo, dental insurance, or a McDonald's gift certificate AND the "help wanted" section of a local newspaper..

[Gradient Shift]

A nicely gift wrapped medium sized empty box. If they call asking why or what happened she can play the alzheimer card.

[Iowa #1603]

A "Wedding" Bible

[jdthor]

A simple card asking, who are you again ? and a dollar bill

[Tom S]

"I bought you a nice chocolate! Enjoy!"

http://www.soimmature.com/sub_pages/all_thumb_subs/page_dog_doo_hard.html

[asullivan]

Lieutenant, I'll give up my 0.02 to you as I have on several occassions on duty with the hope it serves of some use and does not just come across as blunt.

I don't associate with human trash in my life whether its related to me or not. Cut them loose from your life and discontinue communicating with them. If your not willing to solve your own problem by dumping them.....(just like a DV victim who refuses to bail from the abuse)....then you know very well after 33 years of copdom that you'll just have to find some modicum of civility and then put up with them.

Blood relation, just like friendship, is owed nothing if it doesn't earn it. Good luck.

I don't associate with human trash in my life whether its related to me or not.

Well'z Sire Officer Detective, at lest iz' not human anyway'z.

copdom

Cop=Coppa'= Dum= DumDum=Copdum...I like dat' Sire Det Langford..I do like dat' sho nuff...

Maybe He right Sire Lt... Just maybe...maybe a nice card sent from secta' 69 wid' a nice note like..F-YOU, ya big eared, toothless whore, I want my quarter and 3 pennies back, Your big entitlement suck'in blubber whale, dat' look'z like a baboon wid a stinky, skanky *****, dat' a dead maggot wud'nt call home in, ect, ect, might be in order..

A banjo, dental insurance, or a McDonald's gift certificate AND the "help wanted" section of a local newspaper..

*snicker'z*.....'sept Sire SFC, I dink a banjo or da' insurance exceeds da' 20.00 O.COM Gold limit..

A nicely gift wrapped medium sized empty box. If they call asking why or what happened she can play the alzheimer card.

I axe-u-a-lly thought O' dump'in on them thar' lines..but wid' a big stinky turd in it..den' da' Trig declared "hell now days he might has well sent a piece of plutonium wid' all da' diseases I spread'in 'round , get hooked up by da' CDC or dump'in..

A "Wedding" Bible

Scuse my stupidity, butt what dat'??? Dat Hitch'in bibble, I ask da' great 1603 or anybody fer' dat' matta'...

A simple card asking, who are you again ? and a dollar bill

Lordy Deputy, dat's lot O' money..what ya' say ya' transport 'gain???? Don't answer here,,, cus I don't de-rail threaDy thingy'z..Nor do I plan heists, just recruit young'inz....teach em proper, not ta' plug da' wemen folk and such...

[BTDT2]

Lieutenant, I'll give up my 0.02 to you as I have on several occassions on duty with the hope it serves of some use and does not just come across as blunt.

I don't associate with human trash in my life whether its related to me or not. Cut them loose from your life and discontinue communicating with them. If your not willing to solve your own problem by dumping them.....(just like a DV victim who refuses to bail from the abuse)....then you know very well after 33 years of copdom that you'll just have to find some modicum of civility and then put up with them.

Blood relation, just like friendship, is owed nothing if it doesn't earn it. Good luck.

Langford,

Reading your post on my cell, I LMAO thinking you wrote “after 33 years of condoms” …..

I agree with your post 110%.

[Rudy8116]

Any recommendations on what horrid item to get them? I am thinking of a cost $20 or less.

Some ideas:
Wife beaters
Condoms
Fixodent
A spare tire for the front yard
Rusty bathtub for the front yard
Some roach bait for the trailer home
A texass longwhorns hat

[Pogue Mahone]

A home fire detector:

[tanksoldier]

61-ErtNWkYL.jpg

http://www.amazon.com/Emily-Posts-Etiquette-Post/dp/1619492393/

[Aerohead]

I'd send her coupons from the Sunday newspaper along with a print out of jobs in her area from Indeed with jobs circled that would fit her. Maybe even a few job applications from fast food places.

As for the present - you can't go wrong with Polly the Insulting Parrot.

http://www.amazon.com/Insulting-Parrot-Polly-the/dp/B002CZKRDQ