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The classic Ford vs Chevy... kind of.


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  • The classic Ford vs Chevy... kind of.

    Ford Festiva vs. Geo Metro

    I borrowed my wife's Geo Metro last night. One liter of raw power, three cylinders of asphalt-tearing terror on thirteen-inch rims. It's stock, alright, nothing done to it, but it pushes the barely 2000 pounds of metro around with AUTHORITY. I'm always catching mopeds and 18-wheelers by surprise…

    I was headed back from Baskin Robbins with my manly triple-latte cappuccino blast ("No Cinnamon, ma'am, I take it BLACK"), when I stopped at a streetlight. As the Metro throbbed its throaty idle around me, I sipped my bold beverage and wiped the white froth my stiff upper lip. I was minding my own business, but then I heard a rev from the next lane. I turned, made eye contact, then let my eyes trace over the competition. Ford Festiva-a late model, could be trouble. Low profile tires, curb feelers, and schoolbus-yellow paint. Yep, a hot rod, for sure. The howl of his motor snapped my reverie, and I looked back into the driver's eyes, nodded, then blipped my own throttle. As I tugged on my driving gloves and slipped on my sunglasses (gotta look cool to be fast, and I am *damn* cool, hence...), the night was split with the sound of seven screaming cylinders.

    Then the light turned... I almost had him out of the hole, my three pounding cylinders thrusting me at least a millimeter back into my seat, as smoke pouring from my front right tire... my unlimited slip differential was letting me down! I saw in the corner of my eyes, a yellow snout gaining, and I heard the roar of his four cylinders. He slung by me, right front wheel juddering against the pavement, and he flashed me a smile as his .7 extra liters of motor stretched its legs. I kept my foot gamely in it, though, waiting for the CHECK ENGINE light to blink on in the one-gauge (no tachometer here!) instrument panel. I saw a glimpse of chrome under his bumper, and knew the ugly truth... He was running a custom exhaust-probably a 2-into-1 dual exhaust...maybe even cutouts! Damn his hot-rod soul! The old lady passing us on the crosswalk cast a dirty look in our boy-racer direction... Yet still I persisted, with my three pumping pistons singing a heady high-pitched song, wound fully out.

    Though only a few handfuls of seconds had passed, we were nearing the crosswalk at the other side of the intersection, and I heard the note of his engine change as he made his shift to second, and I saw his grin in his rearview mirror fade as he missed the shift! I rocketed by, shifting, and nursed the clutch gently in to keep from bogging, keeping my motor spinning hot and pulling me ahead, now trailing a cloud of stinking clutch smoke. Not ready to give up so easily, he left his foot in it, revving, and I heard one wheel *almost* chirp as he finally found second and dropped the clutch. We careened over the crosswalk, now going at least 15 miles per hour. A bicyclist passed us, but intent on the race as we were, neither of us batted an eye.

    He pulled slowly abreast of me, and neck and neck, we made the shift to third, the scream of motors deafening all pedestrians within a five foot circle. He nosed ahead as we passed 30 miles an hour, then eased in front of me, taunting, as we shifted into fourth. I was staring up the dual 6" chrome tips of his exhaust, snarling, my cappuccino forgotten, as he lifted a little to take the next corner.

    I saw my opportunity, and counting on the innate agility of my trusty steed, I pulled wide into the number two lane and kept my foot buried in carpet. Slowly, I inched around him, feeling my Metro roll slowly to the left as I came abreast in the midst of this gradual sweeping turn. I felt the Geo ease onto its suspension stops, and felt the right rear wheel slowly leave the ground - no matter, though, because my drive wheels, up front, were pulling me through the corner, and around the Festiva. The Ford driver beat his wheel in rage as my wife's car eased past him on the outside, my P165/55R13's screaming in protest, as we raced to the next light. We coasted down, neck-and neck, to the red light. I tightened my driving gloves, ready for another round, when this WIMP in the next car meekly flipped his turn signal and made a right. Chevy (Suzuki) superiority reigns!!! I drove off sipping my masculine drink, awash in my sheer virility, looking for other unwitting targets.... Perhaps a Yugo, or maybe even a Volkswagen Van!

    author unknown
    Pete Malloy, "The only thing black and white about this job is the car."

  • #2
    Lol....chevy for me.....but wouldn't be caught dead in a geo metro.


    • #3
      I'm rolling after that. I'm embarrassed to say I once drove a friends Geo Metro twice ( I wasn't shamed enough the first time). I shudder at the recollection of that memory.


      • #4
        This entertained me 7/10
        Have you ever fired your gun up in the air and gone "ahhrgh"? -Danny Butterman

        "I'm sure finding that 11mm wrench at the last minute to fix the flux capacitor or whatever gets those guys out of bed in the morning is probably just as much of an adrenaline shot as blowing over a ton of C4 at one time" - CruiserClass


        • #5
          The sad thing is, I have actually been looking for a Festiva. I want to throw a turbo 1.8 out of a Mazda 323 in there....that would be fun
          Whatever hits the fan, will not be evenly distributed.
          Some minds are like concrete...Thoroughly mixed up and permanently set.
          01 CVPI - Former OKCPD gang unit #0113129

          My God! How little do my countrymen know what precious blessings they are in possession of, and which no other people on earth enjoy!
          ~Thomas Jefferson


          • #6
            Made me laugh! Kudos!
            “Every society gets the kind of criminal it deserves. What is equally true is that every community gets the kind of law enforcement it insists on.” - Robert F. Kennedy.


            • #7
              lol this was very well thought out.
              Gotta catch em allll.........


              • #8
                Wouldn't mind tryin out the new 2012 Festiva muh self......


                • #9
                  My friend in high school drove a Festiva, I think you were considered "cooler" if you took the bus or walked to and from school lol


                  • #10
                    Had a metro, 4 cyl though. Toyota 3 spd tranny.
                    Being a good street cop is like coming to work in a wet suit and peeing in your pants. It's a nice warm feeling, but you're the only one who knows anything has happened.


                    • #11
                      Ford, even a Festiva or Fiesta, IS AND ALWAYS HAS BEEN cooler than ANYTHING that Chevy has ever or will ever build.
                      "We've reached a point where natural selection doesn't have a chance in hell of keeping up with the procreation of imbeciles." -- RSGSRT

                      Why is it acceptable for you to be an idiot, but not acceptable for me to point it out?


                      • #12
                        Originally posted by Scott941
                        Wouldn't mind tryin out the new 2012 FIESTA muh self......
                        Been looking at trading my F150 for a 2012 Focus or Fiesta. Couldn't do it. Not even worth the gas savings.
                        "We've reached a point where natural selection doesn't have a chance in hell of keeping up with the procreation of imbeciles." -- RSGSRT

                        Why is it acceptable for you to be an idiot, but not acceptable for me to point it out?


                        • #13
                          I work with a guy named Chevy Ford. Seriously. I have an almost uncontrollable urge to call him Dodge when I see him. His first name is Chevalier, he goes by Chevy. I think I'd find myself a good nickname...
                          Recedite plebes, gero rem imperialem!

                          "The most terrifying words in the English language are: I'm from the government, and I'm here to help." - Ronald Reagan


                          • #14
                            I would like to mock the geo but my neighbor had one for over 300,000 miles on it.348 I think. I'd say he got his money out of it and then some!
                            If it wasn't for physics and law enforcement, I'd be unstoppable!

                            Your life is NOT my fault.

                            What part of NO did you not understand?


                            • #15
                              Here's one for you all Ford vs Holden.
                              There are certain crimes that are simply too cruel, too sadistic, too hideous to be forgiven.”
                              ― John E. Douglas, Journey Into Darkness.

                              6 Things you don't mess with.
                              MY FAITH

                              MY FAMILY

                              MY FLAG

                              MY COUNTRY

                              MY HONOR AND THE THIN BLUE LINE


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