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How Awsome Are you?

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  • How Awsome Are you?

    Like the beer commercial states about the most interesting man in the world...

    He has disected frogs that are living to a ripe old age.
    His words carry weight that would break a less interesting mans jaw.
    He bowls, overhand.


    How awsome are you?

    Let me hear it guys!
    Pete Malloy, "The only thing black and white about this job is the car."

  • #2
    Occasionally, when the Sarge is bored, he strikes lighting.
    NRA Life Member

    The police are the public and the public are the police; the police being only members of the public who are paid to give full time attention to duties which are incumbent on every citizen in the interests of community welfare and existence. - Sir Robert Peel

    Every normal man must be tempted at times to spit on his hands, hoist the black flag, and begin to slit throats. - H. L. Mencken

    Comment


    • #3
      When I talk, EF Hutton listens....So does Chuck Norris.
      sigpic
      Originally posted by Smurfette
      Lord have mercy. You're about as slick as the business side of duct tape.
      Originally posted by DAL
      You are without doubt a void surrounded by a sphincter muscle.

      Comment


      • #4
        Chuck Norris asks me for advice.

        I once stopped a tornado, with my bare hands.

        I once killed a grizley bear, by using only my thoughts.
        It could be that the purpose of your life is only to serve as a warning to others.

        Comment


        • #5
          I'm so awesome I wear sunglasses at night while open carrying off duty. Boooya!

          Comment


          • #6
            Lysol collects my farts and uses them as air freshener...
            Originally posted by RSGSRT
            We've reached a point where natural selection doesn't have a chance in hell of keeping up with the procreation of imbeciles.
            Why is it acceptable for you to be an idiot, but not acceptable for me to point it out?

            Comment


            • #7
              The postman rings twice - because Sarge tells them to.
              NRA Life Member

              The police are the public and the public are the police; the police being only members of the public who are paid to give full time attention to duties which are incumbent on every citizen in the interests of community welfare and existence. - Sir Robert Peel

              Every normal man must be tempted at times to spit on his hands, hoist the black flag, and begin to slit throats. - H. L. Mencken

              Comment


              • #8
                I have been known to remodel train stations on my lunch breaks, making them more efficient in the area of heat retention. I've written award-winning plays. I am an expert in stucco.

                Once, using only a hoe and a bucket of water, I single-handedly defended a tiny village in the Amazon Basin from a horde of ferocious army ants. When I'm bored I build large suspension bridges in my area. On Fridays, after work, I repair household appliances free of charge.

                I was an abstract artist, a concrete analyst, and a ruthless bookie. Last summer I toured Kansas with a traveling centrifugal-force demonstration. My deft floral arrangements have also earned me recognition within the international botany community.

                I have carried out several covert operations for the CIA. While on one assignment, I successfully negotiated with a group of terrorists who had seized a small bakery.

                On my days off, to let off steam, I participate in full-contact origami. I used to breed prizewinning clams. I have won bullfights in Mexico, cliff-diving competitions in Sri Lanka, and spelling bees in Russia.

                Comment


                • #9
                  I created the big bang. I play catch with throwing knives... blindfolded. I can weild thors hammer. I can breath in outter space. I tought superman how to fly. I can move an unmovable object...with my thoughts. I breath out oxygen. I belly-danced in the apls with the yette. I play cards with big foot in the forest.
                  Gotta catch em allll.........

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Ah, you're all a bunch of light-weights!

                    I routinely lift up all of humanity in prayer.

                    True story!
                    We do not all come to religion over the wandering years,
                    but sooner or later we all get to meet God. -- Edward Conlon

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      I'm pretty good at drinkin beer........
                      sigpic
                      Our houses are protected by the good Lord and a gun.
                      And you might meet 'em both if you show up here not welcome son.

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        Originally posted by Chaplain Keppy View Post
                        Ah, you're all a bunch of light-weights!

                        I routinely lift up all of humanity in prayer.

                        True story!


                        Winner!!!

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Originally posted by Chaplain Keppy View Post
                          Ah, you're all a bunch of light-weights!

                          I routinely lift up all of humanity in prayer.

                          True story!
                          Ok I can't top that...........

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            I can sniff out a shoe sale from five miles.

                            I can sniff out BS from a guy from ten.

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              Hugh Hefner has asked me for dating advice.

                              When I walk into the room Charlie Sheen clams up.

                              My haiku routinely appears in daily Japanese newspapers.

                              The 60 Minutes staff is scared when I show up on their doorstep asking to speak with them.

                              The Vivid girls always go off on disability after I'm finished filming.

                              My Pulitzer, Oscar, Tony, Emmy, and Grammy awards seem inadequate when placed next to my Nobel Prize.

                              I once swam from Los Angeles to San Fransisco on Land.

                              Top Shot rejected my application, as there's no entertainment value or suspense in a guy who never misses.

                              The Queen of England and the last Emporer of China both want me included in their family tree.

                              AARP, credit card lenders, banks, mortgage finance and auto insurance companies constantly send me mail asking me to either be a member or make use their services.

                              Without doing anything at all...I am always told I've just won something while on line, while displaced Nigerians routinely solicit my assistance in recovering millions of US dollars pilfered from their treasury.

                              AND...I rank third in this thread, after #2 Scott941 and #1 Chaplain Keppy!
                              Last edited by Kieth M.; 05-17-2011, 02:44 PM.
                              "You're never fully dressed without a smile."

                              Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional.

                              Three things I know for sure: (1) No bad deed goes unrewarded, (2) No good deed goes unpunished, and (3) It is entirely possible to push the most devoted, loyal and caring person beyond the point where they no longer give a 5h!t.

                              Comment

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