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NC woman with breast cancer loses custody of her children

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  • #16
    I worked with two people who had cancer in two different jobs. In the first job, the "bosses" always told her that her job was there for her when she got better. They got a temp in to do her work while she was away.

    The second job, the day her Long Term Disability ran out, the "boss" sent her a certified letter saying she no longer had a job. (The day before thanksgiving I may add...)

    I can only imagine the first "boss" reaction would help with the process (when I get better, I'm going to have a job) & the second would, imo, be somewhat devastating.

    I didn't work the the second "boss" for much longer after that, I couldn't stomach her anymore.
    Life may not be the party we hoped for, but while we're here we might as well dance.

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    • #17
      Studies have shown that the mental/emotional state of depression slows or shuts down the immune system. That second boss really kicked her when she was already down.
      We do not all come to religion over the wandering years,
      but sooner or later we all get to meet God. -- Edward Conlon

      Comment


      • #18
        Originally posted by Chaplain Keppy View Post
        Don't know if there is more to the story than we are hearing, but as it stands it sure sounds wrong-headed.
        Yes, I was thinking (or hoping) that some how the father (even though it is horrible) has proven that she cannot support the children due to the chemo..etc. and is only concerned for the children and not that the court just granted it for the cancer alone. If so, it is terrible but if she physically cannot take care of them then what is the court or husband to do?

        The husband (if he was smart and a stand-up guy) should work out how HE will visit HER with the kids instead of putting that strain of traveling on her. Not only would it be right but otherwise the kids will never forgive him.
        Last edited by needguidance; 05-13-2011, 12:13 PM.




        World_So_Cold

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        • #19
          The problem is that we don't really know all of the story. For all we know, she may be a rotten mother and the ruling didn't really have much to do with the cancer. Yes, the judge made one statement that sounds pretty bad, but we don't have the whole context.
          "Son, you are a walkin' violation of the laws of nature...But we don't enforce them laws."

          I am just a country boy tryin' to make some sense
          But I'd like to ask the Congress, I'd like to ask the President
          "Can ya tell me where all the money went?"
          We might not be broke but we're badly bent!


          The Tractors -- "Badly Bent" from the album Owner's Manual

          "Common sense. So rare, it should be a super power." Exodus 259

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          • #20
            I too, think there's some essential info missing from this. But, I think it's horrible to remove the children when the mom is so sick. She's fighting for her life, and if she loses that battle, the little time she may have left should be spent with the children.
            Originally posted by JasperST
            "The fail is strong with this one."


            Originally posted by mdrep
            It's not sporting old chap. Like shooting fish in a barrel. You may only take a shot at a poser or troll if they are running and you are properly licensed.

            What do you think we are, a bunch of barbarians?

            Comment


            • #21
              Originally posted by Trauma1 View Post
              I too, think there's some essential info missing from this. But, I think it's horrible to remove the children when the mom is so sick. She's fighting for her life, and if she loses that battle, the little time she may have left should be spent with the children.
              Absolutely..it is too bad her husband moved so far away or she doesn't have a family member to take care of her and the kids. Having taken care of family members in this situation they do not need the stress of having to go it alone. How horrible that must be...double whammy!




              World_So_Cold

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              • #22
                Originally posted by HeadDoc View Post
                The problem is that we don't really know all of the story. For all we know, she may be a rotten mother and the ruling didn't really have much to do with the cancer. Yes, the judge made one statement that sounds pretty bad, but we don't have the whole context.
                Headdoc, her entire ruling is available to read. She mentions later that the mother isn't employed, but it's not the focus of her statement.

                NG, she does have family assisting her.
                sigpic

                I don't agree with your opinion, but I respect its straightforwardness in terms of wrongness.

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                • #23
                  Originally posted by Chaplain Keppy View Post
                  Studies have shown that the mental/emotional state of depression slows or shuts down the immune system. That second boss really kicked her when she was already down.
                  I am a walking testamant to the power of the mind when dealing with medical problems. I have seen healty men give up and die in a few days when they mentally give up. Due to my positive outlook my Dr. gave me 18 months of chemo in 9 because of a good attitude. (could have killed him when I found out)

                  I hope there is more to this story than we are seeing because the loss of her children will just accelerate the process if this is the case.
                  "You can't handcuff me, I'm a college graduate!"
                  (Smurfette)

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                  • #24
                    Originally posted by DACP View Post
                    There has to be more to this story, there has to be.
                    Of course there is. The story linked to above says it was all about the cancer. This story says the judge cited "both Giordano’s health and unemployment as factors" .
                    Since Dad isn't talking, the reporters are just taking dictation from Mom.

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                    • #25
                      Seems like there may be more to the story (isn't there always?)...I also thought this was not a case of her losing custody as it was which parent would have primary custody....they still have shared custody.

                      Additional information on the decision in this article.

                      http://abclocal.go.com/wtvd/story?se...cal&id=8127895
                      Molly Weasley makes Chuck Norris eat his vegetables.

                      sigpic

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                      • #26
                        Originally posted by ARSONCOP View Post
                        I am a walking testamant to the power of the mind when dealing with medical problems. I have seen healty men give up and die in a few days when they mentally give up. Due to my positive outlook my Dr. gave me 18 months of chemo in 9 because of a good attitude. (could have killed him when I found out)

                        I hope there is more to this story than we are seeing because the loss of her children will just accelerate the process if this is the case.
                        There is a very interesting book, "Getting Well Again",http://www.amazon.com/s/ref=nb_sb_ss...+carl+simonton that addresses the emotional/mental component of healing in a very compelling way.
                        We do not all come to religion over the wandering years,
                        but sooner or later we all get to meet God. -- Edward Conlon

                        Comment


                        • #27
                          He Stole my idea.......LOL

                          I believe that a strong mental attitude will heal you faster and stronger than just laying in a hospital bed. (being 20 years old helped too)
                          "You can't handcuff me, I'm a college graduate!"
                          (Smurfette)

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                          • #28
                            I am going to be play devils advocate here as I agree with the judge.
                            1). Stage 4 cancer is extremely ill. it's so serious that the person diagnosed needs care and can't be expected to be a caregiver to children. That means the choice of caretaker of the children is either father or the mother's childcare provider. Almost always, the courts will give custody to a parent over childcare.
                            2). In the event the mother dies from this, the father would get sole custody anyway. The trauma of losing their mother while at the same time being given custody to a parent they aren't familiar with would be a double blow to their psyche. It would be much better for them to have a close and stable relationship with their father that doesn't change as they deal with the death of their mother. In the event the mother dies, the father should be their stable rock, not a strange place they rarely visit and then forced to move to after the funeral.

                            Put yourself in the fathers shoes. You have visitation. You learn your ex-spouse has cancer and is spending more and more time in chemo and bed unable to care personally for the children. your ex-spouse is getting worse, the children are spending more time in childcare. your ex-spouse is fighting your request to take the children while they battle cancer. The children are faced with the prospect of losing the only home they know and their custodial parent at the same time. you are offering them a home that will be there regardless of the outcome of your ex-spouse and are providing parental stability in this time of distress. to me it's kind of selfish to force the kids to face losing their home and parent at the same time when there is a reasonable alternative of living with the other parent.

                            Of course the mother should have as much visitation as possible. The needs of the children come first though and currently the father offers more stability and care. In this case, the mother isn't being "punished." The change in custody is all about the best interest of the children, not removing them from a bad parent. All other things being equal, I think the judge made a proper but difficult decision.
                            "Did that hurt? It looked like it hurt"

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                            • #29
                              You've made some interesting points, MG108, and as good a case as can be made for it, I think.

                              However, the kids stated they wanted to be with their mother-- and that is all the more important if they do not have much time to be there. If I were in the kids' shoes, wanting to be with Mom and Dad forcing me to be with him, I believe it would get my feelings about Dad and home with Dad to a very rocky start. At the very foundation of my new home would be a resentment that I think would always color my feelings.

                              Best case scenario would be both parents working together to give the kids as much support as possible, and as much stability as possible.
                              We do not all come to religion over the wandering years,
                              but sooner or later we all get to meet God. -- Edward Conlon

                              Comment


                              • #30
                                Originally posted by Chaplain Keppy View Post
                                You've made some interesting points, MG108, and as good a case as can be made for it, I think.

                                However, the kids stated they wanted to be with their mother-- and that is all the more important if they do not have much time to be there. If I were in the kids' shoes, wanting to be with Mom and Dad forcing me to be with him, I believe it would get my feelings about Dad and home with Dad to a very rocky start. At the very foundation of my new home would be a resentment that I think would always color my feelings.
                                My 11 y/o will say whatever she thinks my ex-wife or I wants to hear. When she's with me, she wants to be with me. When she's over there, she tells her mom the same thing. The reality is she doesn't want us divorced and also doesn't want to upset us.

                                I suspect that because of the mother's condition, the 11 y/o is doing most of the caretaker work for the 5 y/o. I'd guess she feeds her the bulk of the time, dresses her and showers her. On top of that, she's undoubtedly heard the mother complain about what the kids leaving would do to her health. Guess what an 11 y/o will say if the mother says: "If you leave, I will die. Who do you want to stay with?" Having the court place her in the fathers home will probably bring a huge amount of relief as she changes roles from caretaker of 5 y/o to just a 11 y/o child again. I'm sure she wants to see her mom as much as possible and would never say anything to hurt her but I am not convinced she wants to live there based on questions asked in front of mom. I'd bet the answer given to the judge and guardian ad litem was not so straightforward and was wrought with conflict and guilt.

                                If her disease were alcoholism instead of cancer, and she spent 20 hours in bed and intoxicated, there would not be any sympathy for her if the working father with stable home and income was granted custody. Alcohol has choices involved, unlike cancer, and that's why our sympathies are different, but the ability to care for and provide for the children is exactly the same. She has a very serious condition that has a very poor prognosis for recovery. The cancer has progressed to her bones which undoubtedly means she is/will be on very strong pain medications.

                                Best case scenario would be both parents working together to give the kids as much support as possible, and as much stability as possible.
                                that's true. I hope they do that.
                                "Did that hurt? It looked like it hurt"

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