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NO and the Croaker

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  • NO and the Croaker

    My husband went fishing today; no doubt to escape me and my eternal whining.

    Anywho, he came home and told me he got something for the aquarium. We recently bought a new filtration system for the salt water aquarium, which for some reason killed all of our fish. He's been trying to balance the water.

    So for S&Gs, he had caught (and kept alive) 5 croakers, each about six to seven inches in length. Three of them he put in our 55 gallon tank. He dumped the water out of the cooler, intending on bagging the others for the freezer (future cut bait). He said he's testing the water in the tank. WTF ever, honey.

    The flopping on the deck got Kilo's attention. Trying to bite one, he got smacked in the face with a tail, which got him to yapping. This got NO up from his snooze in the sunshine and he came to investigate. The flipping and flopping was too much for him or perhaps he merely wanted to show the pup how it was done...but NO got a mouthful of something he didn't want. His quandry was 1) he didn't want it 2) Mr. Smurf didn't want him to have it, so 3) he MUST keep it from him.

    NO jumps off the porch, fish flapping away in his mouth, slapping him across the face. You know how doggie eyebrows get when they're confused. That was NO. He's prancing around the yard with this 'catch', not wanting it and not wanting to let it go and Lord knows it must taste something awful.

    He dropped it on the ground and began licking the grass. Here comes Mr. Smurf running across the yard. I swear NO sighed as he picked it back up and took off again.

    He's whining at this point. The fish is croaking (the noise...and dying...so both terms apply, I suppose) and Mr. Smurf is cussing. Kilo is barking at the one still flopping on the deck. NO is downright crosseyed trying to look at this God awful thing he's biting while it's croaking and flopping around. He's running around with his neck all stretched out like he's literally trying to get away from the smell and taste of this thing and high-stepping it because he surely can't see where he's going.

    I'm high on Percs and holding on to the door jam laughing at all of them. Kilo grabs the one off the deck and takes off for the house. I don't THINK so. I'm not having some half-dead, stinky-***ed fish in my house.

    Mr. Smurf picks up a stick and throws it. NO goes for the stick, dropping the croaker. Mr. Smurf snatches it up and NO starts dragging his tongue across the grass and gagging.

    As I type this, I can HEAR the croakers in my fishtank.....hellllooooo, redneck.
    sigpic

    I don't agree with your opinion, but I respect its straightforwardness in terms of wrongness.

  • #2
    You owe me a keyboard. LMAO Everything is fun on Perks!

    Great story Smurf.
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    • #3
      LOL great story Smurf
      Yeah. That would go poorly. Like, on the Scale of Fail, somewhere between "Titanic" and "Chernobyl."
      --Squirrel

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      • #4
        Trials and tribulations of NO continues................

        LOL thanks for the laugh
        This profession is not for people looking for positive reinforcement from the public. Very often it can be a thankless job and you can't desire accolades, because those are not usually forthcoming. Just do your job to the best of your ability and live with the decisions you've made.

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        • #5
          Honey we gotta get you drunk more often!
          "a band is blowing Dixie double four time You feel alright when you hear the music ring"


          The real deal

          Outshined Pujulesfan Bearcat Chitowndet Sgt Slaughter jthorpe M-11 Lt Borelli L-1Sgt CHP Nikk Smurf Presence1 IcecoldblueyesKimble LADEP ateamer ChiCity R.A.B. Jenners IrishMetal GoldBadge willowdared Monkeybomb PhilipCal pullicords Chit2001 Garbageman Narco CruiserClass Fuzz 10-42Trooper Tex4720 irishlad2nv bajakirch OnThe gurmpyirishmanNYIlliniSgtScott31 CityCopDCcgh6366 FJDave

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          • #6
            LMAO OMG my wife ran in the office thought I was choking. I was laughing so hard I started coughing.
            Last edited by jcioccke; 04-20-2011, 08:07 PM.
            MDRDEP:

            There are no stupid questions, but there sure are a lot of inquisitive idiots.

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            • #7
              WE had to put Kilo outside because he keeps barking at the tank. He'd quit for awhile and "sat pretty" while watching them swim around. Then out of no where, the fool springs at the tank, smacking his noggin squrely on the glass.

              I called Daddy and told him we'd graduated to a new rhelm of redneck...he told me them things can jump out of a tank, so I made sure the clasp it down on the top of the tank. Y'all hear a squalling tonight and you'll know i've got up and stepped on a slimy, wet, dead fish on my carpet. I will so NOT be happy.
              sigpic

              I don't agree with your opinion, but I respect its straightforwardness in terms of wrongness.

              Comment


              • #8
                Smurf, we were pore (I know it's poor) rednecks, we didn't use them croakers for no cut bait... we ate 'em.
                It's not the will to win that matters...everyone has that. It's the will to prepare to win that matters.
                Paul "Bear" Bryant

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                • #9
                  Yup, I've eaten croakers, too.

                  Poor NO-- what a dilemma! Can't stand it in his mouth-- can't stand to let Mr. Smurf get it back! What's a dog to do?
                  We do not all come to religion over the wandering years,
                  but sooner or later we all get to meet God. -- Edward Conlon

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                  • #10
                    the fish is croaking (the noise...and dying...
                    ha ha ha !!!

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                    • #11
                      After reading that series of events, I can hear the Benny Hill song playing in the background.
                      I yell "PIKACHU" before I tase someone.

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                      • #12
                        Originally posted by Rudy8116 View Post
                        After reading that series of events, I can hear the Benny Hill song playing in the background.
                        I snorted my coffee...
                        It's not the will to win that matters...everyone has that. It's the will to prepare to win that matters.
                        Paul "Bear" Bryant

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                        • #13
                          I'm just saying, this story is still funny a day later.. Rudy the Benny Hill music was hilarious..
                          MDRDEP:

                          There are no stupid questions, but there sure are a lot of inquisitive idiots.

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                          • #14
                            Smurf....you really need to write a book one day....You could call it "Dog food for the soul"
                            If you put bacon on bacon it actually makes bacon better

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                            • #15
                              Yet another Smurf-Classic! I laughed so hard I couldn't even see straight! Hlad i hadn't taken a gulp of coffee first!

                              I'll now go to work with visions of NO!, Attempting to retain That Which Is not Wanted as Mr Smurf pursues him relentlessly across The kingdom Of Smurf!

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