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The Saga of the Bacon Explosion


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  • The Saga of the Bacon Explosion

    Last year someone started the thread Bacon Bacon, during which photographs of all things porcine were posted ad nauseum. There was bacon candy, bacon clothing and even bacon martinis. I guess photos of chocolate covered maple bacon must have crossed the line because the entire thread was deleted, apparently deemed NSFW by the black helos. But I digress.

    Within that thread were photos, descriptions and links to the Bacon Explosion. The recipe called for weaving a pound of bacon into a mat, which is then wrapped around two pounds of Italian sausage, another pound of crumbled bacon, BBQ sauce and BBQ rub. It is then set in a smoker for just under three hours and finally basted in BBQ sauce to give it the right burnt molasses glaze. Pictures of the real thing looked good

    Everyone on o.com (myself included) ooohed and aaahed at this marvel of succulence and drooled on their keyboards as they joined the thread, saying they just had to have one.

    After reading the thread, Sarah, my personal assistant, also caught Bacon Explosion fever and kept nudging me in the ribs asking, "When are WE going to make one??????" When my ribs got black and blue, I began shopping for my first smoker. I wanted one made for lazy men. One where you can set the time and temperature once, load the wood, then walk away and never have to look at it again until the meat is done. It turns out these models start at $800 and up. (Rest assured I am not going to pay $800 to smoke four pounds of pork products, no matter how tasty the recipe looks or sounds.)

    Finally I found a used electric smoker with a timer and thermostat that was dirt cheap. The only problem was the seller used it to smoke fish. I hate fish. I don't want my pork to smell like fish. So I bought the thing, took it to the local car wash and paid the guys there $40 to use their hot pressure hoses and clean the interior of all the caked on fish crud. Of course, now I had to take it home and season it all over again. Quickly I discovered two things. Even though the smoker is in the back yard and I have closed every door and window in the house, the inside of my home still smells like there has been a major fire after using the smoker. I also found out why I got the smoker so cheap - the circuit board in the control box is defective. Some of the digits don't light up, so you cant tell if the inside temperature is 50, 150 or 250 degrees. In addition, the power turns on and off at will. I called the manufacturer and even though the smoker was out of warranty, they sent me a new control box free of charge.

    OK, the big day arrived. The new control head was installed and the smoker is working fine. We have all the ingredients. Sarah is photographing every step in the preparation of the Bacon Explosion on her camera phone and emailing it to her boyfriend. He is pi**ed because she talked about the Bacon Explosion for so long that he wants one and now she is making it without him.

    The bacon mat is woven. BBQ rub is applied. Two pounds of Italian sausage are spread across the bacon mat The remaining pound of bacon is fried, crumbled and spread across the mat of sausage. BBQ sauce is drizzled across everything along with more BBQ rub. The mat is rolled up into a chub and the woven mat is wrapped around...............

    Wait a minute...............................

    The recipe said to weave a 5 X 5 mat (10 pieces) of bacon and wrap it around the chub. This thing is a giant friggen monstrosity. There ain't no way a 10 piece mat is big enough to wrap itself around three pounds of sausage, bacon and BBQ sauce. What idiot came up with the measurements for this recipe? Every time we try to compress the sausage and make it smaller so it will fit, BBQ sauce squirts out from inside. Next, we try stretching the bacon to make it big enough to cover everything, hoping we won't tear the mat anyplace, allowing the sausage to spill out all over the smoker during cooking. Suddenly I wished Smurfette was here. She would know just the right words to say what's on my mind. Clearly whoever posted the recipe and photos sabotaged the portions so you would give up in frustration and order a ready cooked Bacon Explosion from them, shipped direct to your door for the low, low price of $63.84.

    Finally we arrive at an uneasy compromise as to size and wrapping, and pop the whole mess into the smoker hoping nothing comes undone.

    Over the next three hours I discover two things.

    1. Even if it is a fancy shmancy, autocontrolled electric smoker, you still have to go out there every so often and put new wood in the da*n thing.

    2. No matter how far away I move the smoker, the inside of the house still winds up smelling like I had a major fire.

    Two and a half hours later the meat thermostat goes off, telling us the Bacon explosion has reached the desired internal temperature and is done. The exterior is basted with BBQ sauce, left to glaze for another 10 minutes and brought inside, It didn't look nearly as good as the pictures on the website, but it will do.

    I am excited. Sarah is excited. We are fussing over who gets to slice the thing. She carves big hunks for both of us.

    The first nibble is of the outside bacon mat. It is permeated with smoke and BBQ glaze. It is exquisite!

    Next came the interior Italian sausage. The taste was ............well...........just sausage. The taste of sausage was so overpowering that you could not taste the bacon, the BBQ sauce or the rub that was inside. You couldn't even taste the smoke beyond the exterior bacon wrap. It was like eating a plain old Italian sausage that was bigger than your arm. No bueno dude!

    After all that work, I really wished Smurfette was here to speak the words I could not get out of my mouth.

    I have to tell you, after all the hype in the Bacon Bacon thread, the Bacon Explosion was a huge disappointment. The original website photos look wonderful, but the recipe calls for so much Italian sausage that its taste alone detracts from the flavor of the other ingredients. Should any of you decide to try making your own Bacon Explosion, consider cutting the amount of sausage in half and substituting other items inside such as cheese, onions and a lot more bacon.
    Going too far is half the pleasure of not getting anywhere

  • #2
    That's why you go to the fair, so someone else does all that work!
    Molly Weasley makes Chuck Norris eat his vegetables.



    • #3
      LOL Looks like a Heart attack log....................Sorry Lt, I can not partake of these delicacies
      "a band is blowing Dixie double four time You feel alright when you hear the music ring"

      The real deal

      Outshined Pujulesfan Bearcat Chitowndet Sgt Slaughter jthorpe M-11 Lt Borelli L-1Sgt CHP Nikk Smurf Presence1 IcecoldblueyesKimble LADEP ateamer ChiCity R.A.B. Jenners IrishMetal GoldBadge willowdared Monkeybomb PhilipCal pullicords Chit2001 Garbageman Narco CruiserClass Fuzz 10-42Trooper Tex4720 irishlad2nv bajakirch OnThe gurmpyirishmanNYIlliniSgtScott31 CityCopDCcgh6366 FJDave


      • #4
        Sorry you were disappointed. I find all recipes (heart attack kinds, rich baked goods or healthy) all have their own tweaking that have to be done. Usually the 3rd times the charm.

        Thanks for the advice!!



        • #5
          i woulds eat them all...all of them. right now. bring it
          dubbed code name: Alien #69


          • #6
            A great story, L-1! LMAO!

            I am going to try this one and will report on it. It seems to me it just needs a few tweaks but man oh man it sure looks good.

            Will advise ....................
            The All New
            BBQ and Goldfish Pond Club
            Sully - IAM Rand - JasperST - L1 - The Tick - EmmaPeel - Columbus - LA Dep - SgtSlaughter - OneAdam12 - Retired96 - Iowa #1603
            - M1Garand

            (any BBQ and Goldfish Pond member may nominate another user for membership but just remember ..... this ain't no weenie roast!)


            • #7
              Tomorrow we will try stage two. In this experiment we will cut the sausage portion in half, use regular sausage instead of Italian, double the bacon inside and add cheddar cheese and caramelized onions.

              See what happens when you have way too much free time in retirement?
              Going too far is half the pleasure of not getting anywhere


              • #8
                Caution; do not overcook. I was served this once and it was overcooked, dry and didn't do it for me. I will give 'er another shot though if it is prepared better.
                This show is awesome, wrapped in supercool and smothered in bitchin. The only way it could be cooler is if he was riding a unicorn or something.



                • #9
                  Use balogna instead. Or just ham.
                  Pete Malloy, "The only thing black and white about this job is the car."


                  • #10

                    Bacon bits are the shrapnel that flies out.
                    I yell "PIKACHU" before I tase someone.


                    • #11
                      that grenade can nom nom nom in my mouth....wait....umm...well its bacon
                      dubbed code name: Alien #69


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