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Feeling guilty..........but why

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  • Feeling guilty..........but why

    Any of you ever have something that for whatever reason you stopped many years ago, then one day out of the blue you pick it back up, but feel very guilty about what you did? Nothing was illegal, immoral or anything like that. Here is the back story, many years ago I use to play in a band, and worked as a rodie, woke up one day decided to get my act together went into the military then got into law enforcement, I never looked back and have no regrets, just stopped doing it. Went into work today and one of the guys brought in his guitar no idea as to why, but as the day went on I kept getting annoyed at every one picking the dam thing up and trying to do their best Eddie VanHallen impression, only to hear them killing something. I spouted off with something to the effect if you can’t play then don’t try, of which all the ripping started on me, I’m not sure at what point I snapped, but I walked over picked it up made a few adjustments on the amp, asked for a request, replied with way to easy, then proceeded to shred some songs that came to mind. Evidently I caught some attention as I opened my eyes to put the guitar back, there were a few people standing there in amazement, I simply put it down went back to the computer and finished the case I was working on. For a few minutes I was back in time, it felt good, but very odd, it was almost like I felt guilty for doing something wrong. My wife thinks I’m nuts, but it has been bugging the crap out of me all day. I stopped playing about 15 years ago, talk about it here and there when the subject comes up, am not ashamed of any of it, I just feel guilty for some odd reason.
    It could be that the purpose of your life is only to serve as a warning to others.

  • #2
    Maybe you should play the guitar every once in a while.. or go do karaoke on a day off. Get it all out of your system.
    Last edited by Taylor13; 10-20-2009, 09:00 PM.

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    • #3
      Guilt? Grief sounds more like it...grieving for the life you walked away from. Good or bad, it was your youth. When the world was yours and you were going to live forever. Long before the weight of the world settled firmly on your shoulders.

      At least that's my story!
      "You're never fully dressed without a smile."

      Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional.

      Three things I know for sure: (1) No bad deed goes unrewarded, (2) No good deed goes unpunished, and (3) It is entirely possible to push the most devoted, loyal and caring person beyond the point where they no longer give a 5h!t.

      Comment


      • #4
        Ahh man. I have respect for you and will try to offer my best two cents.

        You shouldn't feel guilty! It was apart of your past and you got to relive it for a brief moment. You got your act together and just decided to remember what its like to shred on that guitar. Shoot...you could turn playing the guitar into a stress reliever/hobby.

        I would compare your situation to a high school football star, all grown up who decides to show up everyone in a friendly game No harm done, just reviving old talents.


        Now when you drop your career and become a rodie again then....that's a different story.



        All the best,
        Futurelaw

        Comment


        • #5
          It sounds more like regret then guilt...Maybe deep down you still want a music career or want to play music somewhere...Sure, you have a great career in LE, but maybe you really wanted to do was music...I'm sure you've thought about even before this whole incident w/ the guitar went down...

          Maybe you can find a resturant or bar that will let amature artist play...
          sigpic

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          • #6
            Guilt means "I made a mistake" or "I was wrong." Your story does not sound like either of those two endings would fit in. That's why I wonder of it's some other emotion.
            "You're never fully dressed without a smile."

            Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional.

            Three things I know for sure: (1) No bad deed goes unrewarded, (2) No good deed goes unpunished, and (3) It is entirely possible to push the most devoted, loyal and caring person beyond the point where they no longer give a 5h!t.

            Comment


            • #7
              Hi DACP,

              I'm lucky to still have my Mom and Dad at their advanced age (early 80s). Condolences to anyone reading this whose parent has passed on. God rest and keep them and help those who are carrying on.

              Last week I got to visit Mom and Dad, and I played (on acoustic guitar) and sang some songs for a couple of hours for Mom, while Dad was at work grading papers. Mom loved hearing all those country and gospel songs with a few blues and rock songs thrown in. She kept taking pictures and insisted that I make another recording for her.

              Please don't feel bad about having put your musicianship on the shelf for a time, or about taking it up again for a time, whenever the occasion might arise.

              Regards,

              Monty

              Comment


              • #8
                I play bass, and used to play bass in a metal band. In 1981 we opened for Metallica at the Waters Club in San Pedro. It was our last show, and I miss it. I would LOVE to get back into a band. All this just to say....

                Pick it back up, brother. Play on your weekends. As you found out, you will get lost in your music and all stress will fade, even if for a brief moment. Playing guitar is part of you. Bring it back into your life. You won't regret it.
                sigpic
                Originally posted by Smurfette
                Lord have mercy. You're about as slick as the business side of duct tape.
                Originally posted by DAL
                You are without doubt a void surrounded by a sphincter muscle.

                Comment


                • #9
                  In 1981 we opened for Metallica at the Waters Club in San Pedro

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                  • #10
                    Start playing again...Doesn't mean you gotta hit a bong if you do. I know an officer who plays in a band on some weekends with his non-LEO friends (who also have "real jobs")--he has a great time and makes a little extra cash on the side.

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      I feel your pain DA, why just the other night I was in the ER for Pneumonia and while waiting on the gurney for a Dr. I wandered by one of the OR rooms and observed a brain transplant operation. I know I shouldn't have done it, but I was overwhelmed by the moment.

                      I changed into scrubs and went in and assisted. The primary Surgeon recognized me and allowed me to take over. Boy did it bring back the memories! Blood, sharp instruments, electronic gizmo's. I felt like I was again in Heaven!

                      I have to admit that while the experience did bring back fond memories, I must admit that it is best I moved on.

                      Don't feel guilty, enjoy it for what it is, a brief journey back to simpler and maybe happier times.

                      Regards,

                      RKT
                      "a band is blowing Dixie double four time You feel alright when you hear the music ring"


                      The real deal

                      Outshined Pujulesfan Bearcat Chitowndet Sgt Slaughter jthorpe M-11 Lt Borelli L-1Sgt CHP Nikk Smurf Presence1 IcecoldblueyesKimble LADEP ateamer ChiCity R.A.B. Jenners IrishMetal GoldBadge willowdared Monkeybomb PhilipCal pullicords Chit2001 Garbageman Narco CruiserClass Fuzz 10-42Trooper Tex4720 irishlad2nv bajakirch OnThe gurmpyirishmanNYIlliniSgtScott31 CityCopDCcgh6366 FJDave

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                      • #12
                        I think we sometimes feel that different stages of our lives need to be boxed and put away....so letting part of your old life crossing over to your current life was disconcerting?

                        By the way, our department has it's own cover band.

                        http://code3cover.com/
                        Molly Weasley makes Chuck Norris eat his vegetables.

                        sigpic

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Originally posted by RoadKingTrooper View Post
                          I feel your pain DA, why just the other night I was in the ER for Pneumonia and while waiting on the gurney for a Dr. I wandered by one of the OR rooms and observed a brain transplant operation. I know I shouldn't have done it, but I was overwhelmed by the moment.

                          I changed into scrubs and went in and assisted. The primary Surgeon recognized me and allowed me to take over. Boy did it bring back the memories! Blood, sharp instruments, electronic gizmo's. I felt like I was again in Heaven!

                          I have to admit that while the experience did bring back fond memories, I must admit that it is best I moved on.

                          Don't feel guilty, enjoy it for what it is, a brief journey back to simpler and maybe happier times.

                          Regards,

                          RKT

                          LOL
                          In the end we're all just chalk lines on the concrete drawn only to be washed away, for the time that I've been given, I am what I am. I'd rather you hate me for everything I am, Than have you love me for being something that Im not

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            Originally posted by RoadKingTrooper View Post
                            I feel your pain DA, why just the other night I was in the ER for Pneumonia and while waiting on the gurney for a Dr. I wandered by one of the OR rooms and observed a brain transplant operation. I know I shouldn't have done it, but I was overwhelmed by the moment.

                            I changed into scrubs and went in and assisted. The primary Surgeon recognized me and allowed me to take over. Boy did it bring back the memories! Blood, sharp instruments, electronic gizmo's. I felt like I was again in Heaven!

                            I have to admit that while the experience did bring back fond memories, I must admit that it is best I moved on.

                            Don't feel guilty, enjoy it for what it is, a brief journey back to simpler and maybe happier times.

                            Regards,

                            RKT
                            Whoa....1960's acid flashback!
                            sigpic
                            Originally posted by Smurfette
                            Lord have mercy. You're about as slick as the business side of duct tape.
                            Originally posted by DAL
                            You are without doubt a void surrounded by a sphincter muscle.

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              Originally posted by FJDave View Post
                              In 1981 we opened for Metallica at the Waters Club in San Pedro.
                              Originally posted by Futurelaw89 View Post
                              we ahh er opend for B.O.C
                              It could be that the purpose of your life is only to serve as a warning to others.

                              Comment

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