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Claiming Farts

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  • StainlessSteve
    Guest replied
    If it's decent and I like it I'll claim whether I did it or not, it's all about the bouquet not the means..

    Leave a comment:


  • Incognito007
    replied
    Originally posted by The Fed View Post
    I have a scenario for you all....

    How about letting out a silent but deadly one at a oral panel interview thats to painful to hold in from eating something the day before that gives you gut busting gas??

    would you? or would you not?

    hard to focus on those 2 things at once
    I don't know about a butt fart but I had a brain fart during my first oral board.

    I think releasing some gas may have actually helped my interview.

    BTW this thread is both disgusting and hysterical at the same time.

    Leave a comment:


  • KapsFB
    replied
    Originally posted by Bushranger View Post
    Apparently the effects lingered for some time.
    That's called "Hang Time". Usually the best way to gauge and/or score a nice ripper.

    Claim them? Hells yeah! With chest pumped out and head held high. Only exceptions are in open court. Can't imagine telling my bunkie why I was incarcerated for contempt!

    Leave a comment:


  • Quinn58
    replied
    I would hold it with all my might and as soon as i got outside blow the doors off the car.

    Leave a comment:


  • The Fed
    replied
    I have a scenario for you all....

    How about letting out a silent but deadly one at a oral panel interview thats to painful to hold in from eating something the day before that gives you gut busting gas??

    would you? or would you not?

    hard to focus on those 2 things at once

    Leave a comment:


  • Quinn58
    replied
    If im with my friends I usually pretend to drop something on the floor bend down to pick it up, thus sticking my butt in their face and letting one go. If im with people I dont know I usually let it go and then watch everyones faces and eyes tear up and as everyone gets out and looks at each other as if to say was that you?! I laugh within myself. hahaha


    Has anyone here sharded themselves at any point?
    Last edited by Quinn58; 10-06-2009, 01:52 PM.

    Leave a comment:


  • Yogi298
    replied
    I produced a magnificiant silent fart this morning as we ended our shift outside the supervisors office. Cleared the hall of my other 6 shift mates, plus it made the Sgt start to gag. Smelled somewhere between rotten garbage and a Limburger Cheese sangwich.

    Leave a comment:


  • Jere
    replied
    I cracked one off a few years ago and the guy next to me said he could feel the butt wind. I know it is bad when you can feel it through the chair from the guy in a chair across the room but when it creates a noticeable breeze, that is when you worry.

    Leave a comment:


  • deputync
    replied
    Depends on who I am with...

    Leave a comment:


  • asullivan
    replied
    Originally posted by brad601 View Post
    I like to brew a real nice one. Work on it all day. You know steak, protein shakes, hard boiled eggs and some undercooked beans. Then when dispatch is really busy handeling all my citizen complaints go into dispatch stand right by her console, half right face, and rip one right into her workspace. That will learn her to copy my traffic the first time. he he he.
    Officer, we gotta meet, your a class act!!!

    Regards tha' Admiral...

    Leave a comment:


  • brad601
    replied
    I like to brew a real nice one. Work on it all day. You know steak, protein shakes, hard boiled eggs and some undercooked beans. Then when dispatch is really busy handeling all my citizen complaints go into dispatch stand right by her console, half right face, and rip one right into her workspace. That will learn her to copy my traffic the first time. he he he.

    Leave a comment:


  • asullivan
    replied
    Originally posted by Lt View Post
    In my academy, (in Napa, Ca.) one of the guys fancied himself as a wine conniseur with superior senses. It was only natural that he did fart analysis for the whole class. We could never figure out how he could keep a straight face as he would whisper something like: "Somewhat of a floral bouquet.....with a slightly nutty aftertaste." And then the whole class would sit there and try not to laugh, which becomes more difficult as the stress level in class goes up.
    What!!! I was in Napa Ca. ??????

    Officer 1042,

    thank you for such a rare and insightfully question...

    I AS you well know by now lecture behind the ivy leaves of education, and stuff....

    When I rip, I rip with pride and satisfaction..... The smell of virgin rosebuds on a spring morn'in...Only tha' aroma that can be concocted, Refined, aged and expelled deep with'in my bowls with deadly accuracy and pride!!

    Yes, thar are complete amateurs to refined professionals like myself..Hell, my farts can knock Trigger ta' his gawdamned knees...They can!!


    When I am lecturing behind tha' podium of education and "Feel" one com'in
    Down tha pipe to glory, I raise my leg with pride and let it flow like a waterfall only tha' good Lord could make, with misty rainbows and drops of dew..

    I pause and asks my electrical engineering student to take in tha' pleasure and enjoy the wonders of my tight stinky sphincter hole...Then and only then do I make a analogy, that will be branned on thar' brains fer life!!!

    Tha' professor of unholly gasses.....

    The above was not a Joke...., Carry on!!!
    Last edited by asullivan; 10-02-2009, 11:27 PM. Reason: Very dark and sectret thangs

    Leave a comment:


  • ICEAGENT
    replied
    If no one claims it right off the bat, a good rule of thumb to follow is that the second person to comment on the smell is usually the one responsible. The guilty party usually hopes that they got away with it, however once someone says something they decide to cover themselves by speaking up.

    Leave a comment:


  • Syncrosonix
    replied
    i always claim it. i once let one silently out inside of a crowded elevator at the fresno county courthouse. it was one of those awesome hot silent ones. there were several fresno police officers and fresno county sheriffs in there, and the rest being jurors going to lunch.

    another time when i busted out a good one was when i was a senior in high school. it was during español class, sitting next to an open window, and i had some of that lucas chilli powder. i let one juicy, hot air, 5sec long one go. a few minutes later, a friend sitting across the room goes, "damn ______, you freaking stink!" he meant it as a joke. then the rest of the class began to smell it. that's when i couldn't hold in my laughter any longer. i began laughing so hard that my eyes teared up, my sides began to hurt, had trouble catching my breath, and i almost puked due to how hard i was laughing. when they saw me ROFLMAO, they all realized it wasn't a joke, and that it was, indeed, ME! the teacher had to leave the room for a few minutes. after he came back in, he goes, "whoever did that should be ashamed of them self." i wasn't ashamed at all. i was PROUD! the hot girls in that class were stuck up anyway. i didn't care that i had grossed them out. hell, i bet most of them are married now and are subjected to nightly or weekly "dutch ovens".
    Last edited by Syncrosonix; 10-02-2009, 12:48 PM.

    Leave a comment:


  • 417Lt
    replied
    In my academy, (in Napa, Ca.) one of the guys fancied himself as a wine conniseur with superior senses. It was only natural that he did fart analysis for the whole class. We could never figure out how he could keep a straight face as he would whisper something like: "Somewhat of a floral bouquet.....with a slightly nutty aftertaste." And then the whole class would sit there and try not to laugh, which becomes more difficult as the stress level in class goes up.

    Leave a comment:

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