Claiming Farts

[az4code23]

I do, mostly in the bedroom!

[Southflaguy]

Is it me or do all the loud ones want to come out when you're in some place quiet?...Like you can be taking a test, you can hear a pin drop at the test site, when you're stomach starts rumbling and you know you have some loud ones ready to come out, damn cafe-con-leche...

Or when you're in an elevator...Like always there has to be a real hot chick in the elevator when your belly starts rumbling...

So, do I claim them, NO...

[DACP]

Once again 1040 Trooper thank you for a good laugh, M-11 thank you for the idea, you are right, that is funny (did it shortly after you posted that) , katseiye I thought the inter office rating system was a must have in any office I think it is federal law.

[mrc27]

Oh i love my own stuff.. but my fiance hates it hahah

I had a friend that theorized that we are conditioned to think that farts smell bad.

[mdrdep]

Not so, mine smell like roses

[Bushranger]

Claiming ownership depends on the circumstances.

One of the best I have let rip was in the equipment room during shift change. Picture a crowded room full of workmates returning gear at the end of shift and others signing equipment out whilst preparing for their shift. I had all my gear and as I left the equipment room, I let a long silent and violent one rip, then closed the door to ensure all got a taste. A very short time later the room evacuated quite quickly accompanied by protesting voices, and the shift supervisors desk was next to the door. As a bonus, he received a smell or should I say a taste. Needless to say I did not claim that one as the shift supervisor, a sergeant, was not amused. Apparently the effects lingered for some time.

[Kieth M.]

I was at the scene of a barricaded suspect, one night. We led SWAT officers to the vantage point in the (blacked out) next-door house. While we were preparing to leave, one SWAT guy lets out something the Geneva Convention outlawed long ago. His buddies were giving the 'ewww' and waving their hands in from of their noses. The offender stated, "What? You guys didn't like that?"

My own transgression took place many years ago when I still drank. Multiple beers and chili the night before made me aromatically-undesirable. I was at the drive-in swap-meet near my old home. I had to let one go. I knew it would be deadly. I purposely walked over to where the trash dumpsters were and cleared the colon cannon. I walked briskly away. Some guy with two very hot chicks, one on each arm, sauntered into the methane pathway. I heard him first, going "Whoooooa!" I turned and saw that he'd pulled away from the two chicks in order to fan fresh air in his nostrils. I maintained my composure, but inside was dying to laff out loud.

[417Lt]

In my academy, (in Napa, Ca.) one of the guys fancied himself as a wine conniseur with superior senses. It was only natural that he did fart analysis for the whole class. We could never figure out how he could keep a straight face as he would whisper something like: "Somewhat of a floral bouquet.....with a slightly nutty aftertaste." And then the whole class would sit there and try not to laugh, which becomes more difficult as the stress level in class goes up.

[Syncrosonix]

i always claim it. i once let one silently out inside of a crowded elevator at the fresno county courthouse. it was one of those awesome hot silent ones. there were several fresno police officers and fresno county sheriffs in there, and the rest being jurors going to lunch.

another time when i busted out a good one was when i was a senior in high school. it was during español class, sitting next to an open window, and i had some of that lucas chilli powder. i let one juicy, hot air, 5sec long one go. a few minutes later, a friend sitting across the room goes, "damn ______, you freaking stink!" he meant it as a joke. then the rest of the class began to smell it. that's when i couldn't hold in my laughter any longer. i began laughing so hard that my eyes teared up, my sides began to hurt, had trouble catching my breath, and i almost puked due to how hard i was laughing. when they saw me ROFLMAO, they all realized it wasn't a joke, and that it was, indeed, ME! the teacher had to leave the room for a few minutes. after he came back in, he goes, "whoever did that should be ashamed of them self." i wasn't ashamed at all. i was PROUD! the hot girls in that class were stuck up anyway. i didn't care that i had grossed them out. hell, i bet most of them are married now and are subjected to nightly or weekly "dutch ovens".

[ICEAGENT]

If no one claims it right off the bat, a good rule of thumb to follow is that the second person to comment on the smell is usually the one responsible. The guilty party usually hopes that they got away with it, however once someone says something they decide to cover themselves by speaking up.

[asullivan]

In my academy, (in Napa, Ca.) one of the guys fancied himself as a wine conniseur with superior senses. It was only natural that he did fart analysis for the whole class. We could never figure out how he could keep a straight face as he would whisper something like: "Somewhat of a floral bouquet.....with a slightly nutty aftertaste." And then the whole class would sit there and try not to laugh, which becomes more difficult as the stress level in class goes up.

What!!! I was in Napa Ca. ??????

Officer 1042,

thank you for such a rare and insightfully question...

I AS you well know by now lecture behind the ivy leaves of education, and stuff....

When I rip, I rip with pride and satisfaction..... The smell of virgin rosebuds on a spring morn'in...Only tha' aroma that can be concocted, Refined, aged and expelled deep with'in my bowls with deadly accuracy and pride!!

Yes, thar are complete amateurs to refined professionals like myself..Hell, my farts can knock Trigger ta' his gawdamned knees...They can!!


When I am lecturing behind tha' podium of education and "Feel" one com'in
Down tha pipe to glory, I raise my leg with pride and let it flow like a waterfall only tha' good Lord could make, with misty rainbows and drops of dew..

I pause and asks my electrical engineering student to take in tha' pleasure and enjoy the wonders of my tight stinky sphincter hole...Then and only then do I make a analogy, that will be branned on thar' brains fer life!!!

Tha' professor of unholly gasses.....

The above was not a Joke...., Carry on!!!

[brad601]

I like to brew a real nice one. Work on it all day. You know steak, protein shakes, hard boiled eggs and some undercooked beans. Then when dispatch is really busy handeling all my citizen complaints go into dispatch stand right by her console, half right face, and rip one right into her workspace. That will learn her to copy my traffic the first time. he he he.

[asullivan]

I like to brew a real nice one. Work on it all day. You know steak, protein shakes, hard boiled eggs and some undercooked beans. Then when dispatch is really busy handeling all my citizen complaints go into dispatch stand right by her console, half right face, and rip one right into her workspace. That will learn her to copy my traffic the first time. he he he.

Officer, we gotta meet, your a class act!!!

Regards tha' Admiral...

[deputync]

Depends on who I am with...

[Jere]

I cracked one off a few years ago and the guy next to me said he could feel the butt wind. I know it is bad when you can feel it through the chair from the guy in a chair across the room but when it creates a noticeable breeze, that is when you worry.