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  • random thouhts

    Got this from a friend and thought it needed to be passed on. Enjoy. Yall have a good day


    Random Thoughts of the Day:



    I wish Google Maps had an "Avoid Ghetto" routing option.



    More often than not, when someone is telling me a story all I can
    think about is that I can't wait for them to finish so that I can tell
    my own story that's not only better, but also more directly involves
    me.



    Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you
    realize you're wrong.



    I don't understand the purpose of the line, "I don't need to drink to
    have fun." Great, no one does. But why start a fire with flint and
    sticks when they've invented the lighter?



    Have you ever been walking down the street and realized that you're
    going in the complete opposite direction of where you are supposed to
    be going? But instead of just turning a 180 and walking back in the
    direction from which you came, you have to first do something like
    check your watch or phone or make a grand arm gesture and mutter to
    yourself to ensure that no one in the surrounding area thinks you're
    crazy by randomly switching directions on the sidewalk.



    That's enough, Nickelback.



    I totally take back all those times I didn't want to nap when I was
    younger.



    The letters T and G are very close to each other on a keyboard. This
    recently became all too apparent to me and consequently I will never
    be ending a work email with the phrase "Regards" again.



    Do you remember when you were a kid, playing Nintendo and it wouldn't
    work? You take the cartridge out, blow in it and that would magically
    fix the problem. Every kid in America did that, but how did we all
    know how to fix the problem? There was no internet or message boards
    or FAQ's. We just figured it out. Today's kids are soft.



    There is a great need for sarcasm font.



    Sometimes, I'll watch a movie that I watched when I was younger and
    suddenly realize I had no idea what the heck was going on when I first
    saw it.



    I think everyone has a movie that they love so much, it actually
    becomes stressful to watch it with other people. I'll end up wasting
    90 minutes shiftily glancing around to confirm that everyone's
    laughing at the right parts, then making sure I laugh just a little
    bit harder (and a millisecond earlier) to prove that I'm still the
    only one who really, really gets it.



    How the heck are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?



    I would rather try to carry 10 plastic grocery bags in each hand than
    take 2 trips to bring my groceries in.



    I think part of a best friend's job should be to immediately clear
    your computer history if you die.



    The only time I look forward to a red light is when I'm trying to finish a
    text.



    A recent study has shown that playing beer pong contributes to the
    spread of mono and the flu. Yeah, if you suck at it.



    Was learning cursive really necessary?



    Lol has gone from meaning, "laugh out loud" to "I have nothing else to
    say".



    I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and hunger.



    Answering the same letter three times or more in a row on a Scantron
    test is absolutely petrifying.



    My brother's Municipal League baseball team is named the Stepdads.
    Seeing as none of the guys on the team are actual stepdads, I inquired
    about the name. He explained, "Cuz we beat you, and you hate us."
    Classy, bro.



    Whenever someone says "I'm not book smart, but I'm street smart", all
    I hear is "I'm not real smart, but I'm imaginary smart".



    How many times is it appropriate to say "What?" before you just nod
    and smile because you still didn't hear what they said?



    Every time I have to spell a word over the phone using 'as in'
    examples, I will undoubtedly draw a blank and sound like a complete
    idiot. Today I had to spell my boss's last name to an attorney and
    said "Yes that's G as in...(10 second lapse)..ummm...Goonies"



    What would happen if I hired two private investigators to follow each
    other?



    While driving yesterday I saw a banana peel in the road and
    instinctively swerved to avoid it...thanks Mario Kart.



    MapQuest really needs to start their directions on #5. Pretty sure I
    know how to get out of my neighborhood.



    Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the person
    died.



    I find it hard to believe there are actually people who get in the
    shower first and THEN turn on the water.



    Shirts get dirty. Underwear gets dirty. Pants? Pants never get dirty,
    and you can wear them forever.



    I can't remember the last time I wasn't at least kind of tired.



    Bad decisions make good stories



    Whenever I'm Facebook stalking someone and I find out that their
    profile is public I feel like a kid on Christmas morning who just got
    the Red Ryder BB gun that I always wanted. 546 pictures? Don't mind if
    I do!



    Is it just me or do high school girls get sluttier & sluttier every year?



    If Carmen San Diego and Waldo ever got together, their offspring would
    probably just be completely invisible.



    Why is it that during an ice-breaker, when the whole room has to go
    around and say their name and where they are from, I get so incredibly
    nervous? Like I know my name, I know where I'm from, this shouldn't be
    a problem....



    You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work
    when you've made up your mind that you just aren't doing anything
    productive for the rest of the day.



    Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after DVDs? I don't
    want to have to restart my collection.



    There's no worse feeling than that millisecond you're sure you are
    going to die after leaning your chair back a little too far.



    I'm always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me
    if I want to save any changes to my ten page research paper that I
    swear I did not make any changes to.



    "Do not machine wash or tumble dry" means I will never wash this ever.



    I hate being the one with the remote in a room full of people watching
    TV. There's so much pressure. 'I love this show, but will they judge
    me if I keep it on? I bet everyone is wishing we weren't watching
    this. It's only a matter of time before they all get up and leave the
    room. Will we still be friends after this?'



    I hate when I just miss a call by the last ring (Hello? Hello?
    Dangit!), but when I immediately call back, it rings nine times and
    goes to voicemail. What'd you do after I didn't answer? Drop the phone
    and run away?



    I hate leaving my house confident and looking good and then not seeing
    anyone of importance the entire day. What a waste.



    When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she
    hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light
    internet stalking.



    I like all of the music in my iTunes, except when it's on shuffle,
    then I like about one in every fifteen songs in my iTunes.



    Why is a school zone 20 mph? That seems like the optimal cruising
    speed for pedophiles...



    As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers,
    but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.



    Sometimes I'll look down at my watch 3 consecutive times and still not
    know what time it is.



    It should probably be called Unplanned Parenthood.



    I keep some people's phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to
    answer when they call.



    I think that if, years down the road when I'm trying to have a kid, I
    find out that I'm sterile, most of my disappointment will stem from
    the fact that I was not aware of my condition in college.



    Even if I knew your social security number, I wouldn't know what do to
    with it.



    Even under ideal conditions people have trouble locating their car
    keys in a pocket, and Pinning the Tail on the Donkey - but I'd bet my
    butt everyone can find and push the Snooze button from 3 feet away, in
    about 1.7 seconds, eyes closed, first time every time...



    My 4-year old son asked me in the car the other day "Dad what would
    happen if you ran over a ninja?" How the heck do I respond to that?



    It really ****es me off when I want to read a story on CNN.com and the
    link takes me to a video instead of text.



    I wonder if cops ever get ****ed off at the fact that everyone they
    drive behind obeys the speed limit.



    I think the freezer deserves a light as well.



    I disagree with Kay Jewelers. I would bet on any given Friday or
    Saturday night more kisses begin with Miller Lites than Kay.



    The other night I ordered takeout, and when I looked in the bag, saw
    they had included four sets of plastic silverware. In other words,
    someone at the restaurant packed my order, took a second to think
    about it, and then estimate d that there must be at least four people
    eating to require such a large amount of food. Too bad I was eating by
    myself. There's nothing like being made to feel like a fat loser
    before dinner.

  • #2
    I Love/Live/Lived all of them.
    Sleeping Giant. They're not fat and happy anymore. They are hungry and increasingly angry. That is not a good recipe for a "Puppies and Rainbows America".

    Comment


    • #3
      I have wonder about many of these too. And I laughed my balls off.
      Thanks for the help !
      I try to find a Monkey.

      Comment


      • #4
        freakin hilarious

        Comment


        • #5
          Warning: spoilsport wet blanket stick in the mud response.
          Originally posted by TXGhost
          Got this from a friend and thought it needed to be passed on. Enjoy. Yall have a good day

          Random Thoughts of the Day:
          Just for fun I'm going to pretend to take this hilarious stuff partially seriously.
          I wish Google Maps had an "Avoid Ghetto" routing option.
          It does. They just don't call it that.
          More often than not, when someone is telling me a story all I can
          think about is that I can't wait for them to finish so that I can tell
          my own story that's not only better, but also more directly involves
          me.
          How very selfish of you.
          Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you
          realize you're wrong.
          Sorry to inflict such a moment on you, but you must of course recognize that many other things are much worse.
          I don't understand the purpose of the line, "I don't need to drink to
          have fun." Great, no one does. But why start a fire with flint and
          sticks when they've invented the lighter?
          Because there's no lighter-based fire starting merit badge in the Boy Scouts.
          Have you ever been walking down the street and realized that you're
          going in the complete opposite direction of where you are supposed to
          be going? But instead of just turning a 180 and walking back in the
          direction from which you came, you have to first do something like
          check your watch or phone or make a grand arm gesture and mutter to
          yourself to ensure that no one in the surrounding area thinks you're
          crazy by randomly switching directions on the sidewalk.
          No. Not even when a girl I've been walking behind has just changed direction and is then apt to think I'm following her when I immediately thereafter make an about-face and continue to walk behind her.
          That's enough, Nickelback.
          I glad I don't know what this means.
          I totally take back all those times I didn't want to nap when I was
          younger.
          I entirely resent all those times grown people tried to make me take naps when I was a kid, so they could try to take a break from supervising me, and I take great pride in all the times I was able to thwart them in that intention.
          The letters T and G are very close to each other on a keyboard. This
          recently became all too apparent to me and consequently I will never
          be ending a work email with the phrase "Regards" again.
          I use "Regards" as a closing salutation quite frequently.
          Do you remember when you were a kid, playing Nintendo and it wouldn't work? You take the cartridge out, blow in it and that would magically
          fix the problem. Every kid in America did that, but how did we all
          know how to fix the problem? There was no internet or message boards
          or FAQ's. We just figured it out. Today's kids are soft.
          I didn't play Nintendo games, but I fixed a lot of other kids' Nintendo games, including by cleaning contacts, because many of yesterday's kids were soft, too.
          There is a great need for sarcasm font.
          NO SHIRT!
          Sometimes, I'll watch a movie that I watched when I was younger and
          suddenly realize I had no idea what the heck was going on when I first
          saw it.
          Sometimes I'll realize I still don't.
          I think everyone has a movie that they love so much, it actually
          becomes stressful to watch it with other people. I'll end up wasting
          90 minutes shiftily glancing around to confirm that everyone's
          laughing at the right parts, then making sure I laugh just a little
          bit harder (and a millisecond earlier) to prove that I'm still the
          only one who really, really gets it.
          "God likes me. He really, really likes me."


          How the heck are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?
          Carefully.
          I would rather try to carry 10 plastic grocery bags in each hand than
          take 2 trips to bring my groceries in.
          Lazy man's load.
          I think part of a best friend's job should be to immediately clear
          your computer history if you die.
          First archive it and then clear it.
          The only time I look forward to a red light is when I'm trying to finish a
          text.
          I'm very fond of red lights for the cross traffic.
          A recent study has shown that playing beer pong contributes to the
          spread of mono and the flu. Yeah, if you suck at it.
          I don't know the beer upgrade of the Pong video game.
          Was learning cursive really necessary?
          Only for developing forgery skills.
          Lol has gone from meaning, "laugh out loud" to "I have nothing else to
          say".
          I never use it. I prefer something like hehehe or hahaha. It's less likely to be insincere.
          I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and hunger.
          That's because mild hunger is something you're more apt to respond to immediately if you're not preoccupied with something else.
          Answering the same letter three times or more in a row on a Scantron
          test is absolutely petrifying.
          Not if you are fully confident that you know all the correct answers.
          My brother's Municipal League baseball team is named the Stepdads.
          Seeing as none of the guys on the team are actual stepdads, I inquired
          about the name. He explained, "Cuz we beat you, and you hate us."
          Classy, bro.
          It's a cryptic version of the "who's your daddy" jibe.
          Whenever someone says "I'm not book smart, but I'm street smart", all
          I hear is "I'm not real smart, but I'm imaginary smart".
          I think that's a poor translation.
          How many times is it appropriate to say "What?" before you just nod
          and smile because you still didn't hear what they said?
          That depends on whether it might be important for you to have heard what was said.
          Every time I have to spell a word over the phone using 'as in'
          examples, I will undoubtedly draw a blank and sound like a complete
          idiot. Today I had to spell my boss's last name to an attorney and
          said "Yes that's G as in...(10 second lapse)..ummm...Goonies"
          I skip the "as in", and just use DoD old school standard, as in "able baker ..." instead of "alpha bravo ..."
          What would happen if I hired two private investigators to follow each
          other?
          If either was any good there would probably soon be a discussion between them about what to do about it.
          While driving yesterday I saw a banana peel in the road and
          instinctively swerved to avoid it...thanks Mario Kart.
          It's a good thing you didn't rely on your ABS.
          MapQuest really needs to start their directions on #5. Pretty sure I
          know how to get out of my neighborhood.
          What if you're not in your neighborhood?
          Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the person died.
          If that information is deemed interesting or important it becomes part of a regular news story.
          I find it hard to believe there are actually people who get in the
          shower first and THEN turn on the water.
          Maybe some of them get in the bathtub, then turn on the water, then regulate the pressure and temperature, then activate the diversion to the shower head.
          Shirts get dirty. Underwear gets dirty. Pants? Pants never get dirty,
          and you can wear them forever.
          Underwear gets dirty mainly from bodily secretions, and outerwear gets dirty mainly from environmental matter.
          I can't remember the last time I wasn't at least kind of tired.
          You probably have a low fatigue standard.
          Bad decisions make good stories
          Some do and some don't. Same with good decisions.
          Whenever I'm Facebook stalking someone and I find out that their
          profile is public I feel like a kid on Christmas morning who just got
          the Red Ryder BB gun that I always wanted. 546 pictures? Don't mind if
          I do!
          Please report to your physician for a mental health evaluation.
          Is it just me or do high school girls get sluttier & sluttier every year?
          Whatever was shocking and scandalous last year is "so last year" this year.
          If Carmen San Diego and Waldo ever got together, their offspring would probably just be completely invisible.
          No comment.
          Why is it that during an ice-breaker, when the whole room has to go
          around and say their name and where they are from, I get so incredibly
          nervous? Like I know my name, I know where I'm from, this shouldn't be
          a problem....
          Maybe you're not sure you want everyone to know.
          You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work
          when you've made up your mind that you just aren't doing anything
          productive for the rest of the day.
          Sometimes you're completely aware of that a long time in advance.
          Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after DVDs? I don't
          want to have to restart my collection.
          Blue laser discs didn't stop me from retaining my vinyl. I still have 78 RPM platters. I even have steel wire dictaphone recordings.
          There's no worse feeling than that millisecond you're sure you are
          going to die after leaning your chair back a little too far.
          I'll spare you on this one.
          I'm always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me
          if I want to save any changes to my ten page research paper that I
          swear I did not make any changes to.
          I use "Save As" and suffix the document name with a 2 digit number.
          "Do not machine wash or tumble dry" means I will never wash this ever.
          So presumably you'll dry clean it someday if you buy it and wear it.
          I hate being the one with the remote in a room full of people watching
          TV. There's so much pressure. 'I love this show, but will they judge
          me if I keep it on? I bet everyone is wishing we weren't watching
          this. It's only a matter of time before they all get up and leave the
          room. Will we still be friends after this?'
          I like the remote sitting where I can get it if I want it, and leave it if I don't, like when I have a spare of it cloned into my PDA.
          I hate when I just miss a call by the last ring (Hello? Hello?
          Dangit!), but when I immediately call back, it rings nine times and
          goes to voicemail. What'd you do after I didn't answer? Drop the phone
          and run away?
          He probably is on a call with someone else after you didn't answer within the timeframe he had allowed for.
          I hate leaving my house confident and looking good and then not seeing anyone of importance the entire day. What a waste.
          Being prepared is always beneficial because you can't always know when you'll need to have been.
          When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she
          hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light
          internet stalking.
          Why not just be charming about it?
          I like all of the music in my iTunes, except when it's on shuffle,
          then I like about one in every fifteen songs in my iTunes.
          Keep the skip button handy.
          Why is a school zone 20 mph? That seems like the optimal cruising
          speed for pedophiles...
          Slower speeds mean shorter stopping distances and more time to react.
          As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers,
          but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
          Everyone going faster than you is crazy, and everyone going slower than you is an idiot, and why don't you get out of my way.
          Sometimes I'll look down at my watch 3 consecutive times and still not
          know what time it is.
          Use your cell phone instead.
          It should probably be called Unplanned Parenthood.
          If they counseled people about how to go forward with the life of a not-fully-intended-to be-conceived infant, that would make sense.
          I keep some people's phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer when they call.
          There should be an icon for that.
          I think that if, years down the road when I'm trying to have a kid, I
          find out that I'm sterile, most of my disappointment will stem from
          the fact that I was not aware of my condition in college.
          Your earlier comments about girls made it appear that you're a guy, so I don't think you have much chance of having a kid.
          Even if I knew your social security number, I wouldn't know what do to with it.
          Then just never you mind.
          Even under ideal conditions people have trouble locating their car
          keys in a pocket, and Pinning the Tail on the Donkey - but I'd bet my
          butt everyone can find and push the Snooze button from 3 feet away, in
          about 1.7 seconds, eyes closed, first time every time...
          I keep mine 15 feet away so I have get up to press it.
          My 4-year old son asked me in the car the other day "Dad what would
          happen if you ran over a ninja?" How the heck do I respond to that?
          If a ninja were to deliberately throw himself in the immediate path of my wheels, I would be honored to have inadvertently been of service.
          It really ****es me off when I want to read a story on CNN.com and the link takes me to a video instead of text.
          Maybe you need a much faster system.
          I wonder if cops ever get ****ed off at the fact that everyone they
          drive behind obeys the speed limit.
          When you're driving along in a non-covert vehicle, you're usually trying to get somewhere rather than trying to catch speeders, and most of the people you're driving ahead of don't want to take the risks associated with passing you when you're already doing 10 or so over the posted limit, and most who are doing more than that are already gone, and hopefully will get caught by another guy waiting up ahead.
          I think the freezer deserves a light as well.
          The temperature differential with most incandescent lamps is too great.
          I disagree with Kay Jewelers. I would bet on any given Friday or
          Saturday night more kisses begin with Miller Lites than Kay.
          It's a pun, son.
          The other night I ordered takeout, and when I looked in the bag, saw
          they had included four sets of plastic silverware. In other words,
          someone at the restaurant packed my order, took a second to think
          about it, and then estimate d that there must be at least four people
          eating to require such a large amount of food. Too bad I was eating by
          myself. There's nothing like being made to feel like a fat loser
          before dinner.
          Maybe they just thought that it wouldn't be harmful for you have extras.

          Thanks for letting me have fun being a dork in your thread.

          Regards,

          Monty

          Comment


          • #6
            That's awesome! It was long too, LOL
            "Abandon your animosities and make your sons Americans." - Robert E. Lee, 1865

            Comment


            • #7
              printed and hanging in the PD.

              Comment


              • #8
                Monty, you're more of a buzzkill than Buzz Killington.
                Government is not the solution to our problem; government is the problem. - Ronald Reagan

                I don't think It'll happen in the US because we don't trust our government. We are a country of skeptics, raised by skeptics, founded by skeptics. - Amaroq

                Comment


                • #9
                  ateamer - fantastic Family Guy quote thrown in there :-)
                  Sky above me, Earth below me.... FIRE inside me



                  Diplomacy is the art of saying "nice doggy" until you can find a rock. -Squirrel

                  so you feel like confucious just jumped out of your stale dessert and bestowed infinite wisdom upon you and your grease-filled tummy. - Evan

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Great stuff... Kudos to you ateamer..... Family guy rocks...

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Originally posted by ateamer View Post
                      Monty, you're more of a buzzkill than Buzz Killington.
                      Didn't you see the first line of my post in this thread?
                      Originally posted by ME
                      Warning: spoilsport wet blanket stick in the mud response.
                      I didn't think to include "buzzkill".

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        Originally posted by TXGhost View Post
                        It should probably be called Unplanned Parenthood.
                        True! Or "How To Avoid Parenthood Altogether Now That You're Faced With It". Wait....that's too long.

                        Comment

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