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  • Goats

    Well I'm on my second day back from work after a disaster of a vacation. I get taken out of my beloved district and thrown into a very rural district known for heavy inbreeding and mental illness. Well I'm not exactly estatic about it but I roll with it because every one gets their time in the pit. Today was my day.

    The fruit and nut club started early. We are incredibly short and running about 6 units for a 2,000 square mile area. My area is about 30-40 percent of the land mass. I start running and gunning right out of the box. I get the urgent calls beat down and get send to a dog pack killing animals in a more populated rural area. I show up on scene and there are a fair amount of dead chickens and that it was a pack of about 5-7 dogs and now they were at a neighbors house going after their goats and chickens. We have had a huge problem with people taking their unwanted pets and dumping them in this rural area. The dogs form packs and kill everything.

    The hobby farm currently being assaulted is across a big field so I drive my new (this is important) NEW patrol car over to the next farm. I see 7 dogs chasing goats. I wake up the property owner and let him know whats going on. Well the dogs had gotten all of this guys chickens and killed them. One dog. I'm sure he was Ozzy Osbournes dog at one point has a chicken pinned down looks at me and then popps it head right off.

    Now here a dog bothering livestock is on borrowed time. Livestock owner can whack em. I finally get the dogs off the carcasses and running towards one side of the property and to stop chasing the goats.

    The goats by the way have decided that I am their freakin hero and won't leave me alone.

    I'm talking with the property owner and Ozzy can't stand it and keeps trying to get to his recently beheaded prize.

    The guy who owns the dogs realizes that he is about to lose 7 dogs come over and ropes Ozzy and proceeds to tell us what a great dog Ozzy is and doesn't understand whay they would go on a killing spree.

    About this time I see something strange on my patrol car. There is a small goat standing on my lightbar and a slightly bigger goat stand on the hood of my NEW patrol car. Now the property owner and Ozzy's owner think this is oh so sweet. I'm not amused.

    I go to get the Goats off my car. Apparently the small goat used to belong to Tony Hawk. The little Bastage jumps straight in the air slides down the windshield and across the front of the hood all the way to the grill on all four hooves then jumps off. Apparently this freaks out slightly larger goat and he craps himself trying to get out of the way and does the whole roadrunner Coyote thing on my hood. Scratching it more............ Tony and Ozzy think this is freakin hilarious.

    Now at this point. I'm trying to fiqure out if those Greek Gyros thingys are made of Lamb or Goats. Because if I shoot them and get days off I'm eating the friggin thing.

    Well the goats are off the hoods and I'm filling out a few FIR's and hoping that this will just buff out of the paint. About this time Mongo the super Goat Jumps smack in the middle of the hood and dents and scratches the crap out of it. Mongo must have been the Bull goat because he weighed at least 75 lbs. Now At this point i'm debating how I can shoot this @&%$er and gut it without Tony Hawk and Ozzy Osbourne freaking out. Then I have to make it back into civilization with Mongo the mutant goat strapped across the hood of my patrol. Ozzy Osbourne agrees to pay for the buffet his dogs just had and I'm back to shagging calls.

    I'm getting slammed and driving all over god and creation. I finally get to call my boss (6 hours later) and tell him about the damage.
    As soon as I mention goats and hood I can hear it in his voice. WTF.

    Now I work with a good group. But they are ruthless. I still have to write a memo for a jacked up (BRAND NEW) car. I know those rotten SOB's will have something messed up for me at breifing tommorrow............
    Last edited by Monkeybomb; 09-12-2008, 07:15 AM.
    The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.

  • #2
    Oooooh that sucks dude. But hey, Mongo is my teen academy nickname, don't be hatin'.

    That's actually a really weird story. A pack of strays killed chickens and taunted goats, then one goat crapped on your car and the other scratched your hood.
    sigpic

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    • #3
      Monkeybomb
      Resident Goat Herder
      "Think like a man of action, act like a man of thought" ~Henri Louis Bergson
      ______________________


      ComptonPOLICEGANGS.com

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      • #4
        LMAOROF wow way to go Monkey that has to suck big time. well dont feel to bad I have wreck three cars in my career and one of them supervision didnt know anything about
        Lawdog TCSO
        In God We Trust all Others we Check NCIC
        well daisy if you do

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        • #5
          Sounds like a typical day here! I am laughing so hard right now.

          If you would like some authentic Greek recipes for the goat (and goat is VERY good and healthier than beef) may I suggest this site?

          http://www.faliraki-info.com/susie/g...iki-kapama.htm
          http://hoppeshomestead.blogspot.com/

          The strongest reason for the people to retain the right to bear arms is, as a last resort, to protect themselves against tyranny in government. – Thomas Jefferson

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          • #6
            Mrs. Hoppes I may have to print out a few recipes and sneak back to the place in my gillie suit...............
            The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.

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            • #7
              Oh how funny. The first thing I thought of was Mrs Hoppes.....if it had a milker attached....she lives in your jurisdiction!
              This profession is not for people looking for positive reinforcement from the public. Very often it can be a thankless job and you can't desire accolades, because those are not usually forthcoming. Just do your job to the best of your ability and live with the decisions you've made.

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              • #8
                Monkey, I'll admit it... I'm dying laughing at your expense right now.

                Comment


                • #9
                  Smurfette will surely be relieved to know that it's NOT just her.

                  I'll tell ya what though... goats can be nasty critters. Just feel fortunate you weren't on their baaaaaaaaaaaad side.

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                  • #10
                    *snickers*
                    I think it would look very good to write a report to brass that " a goat on my hood is how I got the squad got scratched.

                    I bet they would want pics then....
                    (at least you weren't attack by geese)
                    ‘Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go.’
                    Oscar Wilde

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                    • #11
                      LMAO...

                      That was an amazing story. Thank you so much for sharing!!

                      I'm sure the Chief will understand...surely he won't think you were just getting his goat!!


                      (okay okay, I know that was terrible, but I couldn't resist).

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                      • #12
                        Hahaha! I think that story takes the prize this week. It's even better than my husband's check welfare call on a porcupine.

                        Sorry to hear about your new car getting all messed up. Perhaps if you see goat on the menu somewhere, you'll order it and savor every bite!

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                        • #13


                          Baaaaaaaaaaaaaa!
                          It's better to be hated for what you are, then to be loved for what you are not.

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                          • #14
                            I don't have any pictures of our goats on cars, but how about them just playing?

                            http://hoppeshomestead.blogspot.com/

                            The strongest reason for the people to retain the right to bear arms is, as a last resort, to protect themselves against tyranny in government. – Thomas Jefferson

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              That goat on the car looks like a cross between nubian and boar. Good milk and good meat respectively.
                              http://hoppeshomestead.blogspot.com/

                              The strongest reason for the people to retain the right to bear arms is, as a last resort, to protect themselves against tyranny in government. – Thomas Jefferson

                              Comment

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