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In the aftermath of a tragedy, it helps to know exactly who you're talking about!
I finally figured out a way to share this story, almost ten years later. For six of my 30 years at my old department, I helped to handle the aftermath of employee deaths. I also counseled employees with substance abuse problems. One day, the two came together...
Officer Susan Easton-Berry (not her real name) had taken her life, during a split up with her same-sex domestic partner. Easton-Berry's sexual orientation was lesbian...plain and simple. No joke, no judgement, I think she emerged from the womb that way...comfy shoes and all. We treated her off-duty death the way we'd handle any employee's, with dignity and offering all our services to her surviving family and friends.
While we're preparing for her services, one of my recovering alcoholic employees, Manny, calls me..."Sarge, (sniff, sniff) I just heard about Susan. I'm just devastated (sniff, sniff, moan), we used to date!" By this time, I'm staring at the phone, saying to myself, "This ain't happening!" Manny (not his real name) is a real hard-drinking "drama queen" (it's an AA term for dramatic drunks of any gender). Manny continues, "Yeah, we used to work together...we got real close, you know. We were lovers for some time. I always hoped we'd get back together (sniff, sniff), once I get the alcohol problem fixed."
By now I'm getting pi55ed. This isn't funny. I'm feeling the blood throbbing in my temples. This girl had never, ever, dated a man - I was sure of it. Sleeping with one? No way. And I had seen her personnel file. I wasn't aware she'd ever crossed paths with Manny.
Me: "Manny, wait, you're talking about Susan Easton-Berry, right?"
Him: "Yeah, Susan, why do you ask?"
Me: "Manny, Susan Easton-Berry and you were lovers, is that what you're telling me?" (My voice indicating my anger rising)
Him: "Yeah, what of it?" (He's getting upset, I can tell)
Me: "Susan Easton-Berry"
Him: "Yeah, Susan E Stan Berry!"
Me: "Manny, you're talking about Susan Easton hyphen Berry?"
Him: "Easton hyphen Berry? No, I'm talking about Susan E. Stanbury (not her real name)! Are you telling me, it ain't my ex-girlfriend?"
Me: (Very much relieved) "Yeah, Manny, that's what I'm telling you. We both got the wrong girl."
Him: "Okay, thanks, Sarge!"
I finally figured out a way to share this story, almost ten years later. For six of my 30 years at my old department, I helped to handle the aftermath of employee deaths. I also counseled employees with substance abuse problems. One day, the two came together...
Officer Susan Easton-Berry (not her real name) had taken her life, during a split up with her same-sex domestic partner. Easton-Berry's sexual orientation was lesbian...plain and simple. No joke, no judgement, I think she emerged from the womb that way...comfy shoes and all. We treated her off-duty death the way we'd handle any employee's, with dignity and offering all our services to her surviving family and friends.
While we're preparing for her services, one of my recovering alcoholic employees, Manny, calls me..."Sarge, (sniff, sniff) I just heard about Susan. I'm just devastated (sniff, sniff, moan), we used to date!" By this time, I'm staring at the phone, saying to myself, "This ain't happening!" Manny (not his real name) is a real hard-drinking "drama queen" (it's an AA term for dramatic drunks of any gender). Manny continues, "Yeah, we used to work together...we got real close, you know. We were lovers for some time. I always hoped we'd get back together (sniff, sniff), once I get the alcohol problem fixed."
By now I'm getting pi55ed. This isn't funny. I'm feeling the blood throbbing in my temples. This girl had never, ever, dated a man - I was sure of it. Sleeping with one? No way. And I had seen her personnel file. I wasn't aware she'd ever crossed paths with Manny.
Me: "Manny, wait, you're talking about Susan Easton-Berry, right?"
Him: "Yeah, Susan, why do you ask?"
Me: "Manny, Susan Easton-Berry and you were lovers, is that what you're telling me?" (My voice indicating my anger rising)
Him: "Yeah, what of it?" (He's getting upset, I can tell)
Me: "Susan Easton-Berry"
Him: "Yeah, Susan E Stan Berry!"
Me: "Manny, you're talking about Susan Easton hyphen Berry?"
Him: "Easton hyphen Berry? No, I'm talking about Susan E. Stanbury (not her real name)! Are you telling me, it ain't my ex-girlfriend?"
Me: (Very much relieved) "Yeah, Manny, that's what I'm telling you. We both got the wrong girl."
Him: "Okay, thanks, Sarge!"
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