From the Daily Mail (originally from the Chicago Times, but I couldn't find a non-paywall link):
"Unit 17, Dispatch"
"This is 17, go ahead"
"17, respond to an active shooter in progress 59th and Halsted, over."
"Ah...Dispatch, we're not equipped for an active shooter response."
"You're listed as having standard issue for response."
"Well, I'm armed with a thorazine syringe and my partner has a vial of mood stabilizers...that's about it."
"Roger, 17, I'm sending backup. They'll be equipped with an electroshock therapy unit, over."
"Uh...roger. How many suspects at the scene?"
"Witnesses report three shooters, equipped with semiautomatic weapons."
"Copy, dispatch. Better send additional backup. Maybe a straitjacket unit?"
"Unit 17, Dispatch"
"This is 17, go ahead"
"17, respond to an active shooter in progress 59th and Halsted, over."
"Ah...Dispatch, we're not equipped for an active shooter response."
"You're listed as having standard issue for response."
"Well, I'm armed with a thorazine syringe and my partner has a vial of mood stabilizers...that's about it."
"Roger, 17, I'm sending backup. They'll be equipped with an electroshock therapy unit, over."
"Uh...roger. How many suspects at the scene?"
"Witnesses report three shooters, equipped with semiautomatic weapons."
"Copy, dispatch. Better send additional backup. Maybe a straitjacket unit?"
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