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Truths --- A Cop's Life on the Street


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  • Truths --- A Cop's Life on the Street

    - The running speed of a Belgian Malinois is at least twice that of the
    average out of shape tweaker. If you are going to attempt to outrun one,
    please calculate the "Rate x Time = Distance" formula ahead of time if you
    want to avoid getting your a-- bit.

    - If they say they "just met" another person, then they are close friends
    who just committed a crime and don't want to be implicated with
    aforementioned friend.

    -Anyone who goes out of their way to acknowledge you is hiding something.

    -Anyone who goes out of their way to ignore you is hiding something.

    - If you get called to a 911 hang-up and a guy answers the door with a 9
    month old child in his arms and says "Oh, the baby must have accidentally
    dialed it," he means he was just involved in a domestic that he doesn't want
    you to know about. Sometimes the same guy has a $25k felony warrant as well.

    - If you borrowed a BMW from a friend it's not unreasonable to expect you to
    know your friends last name.

    - If you rob a gas station you're only going to get $20, but if I get to see
    a large K-9 dog use your arm as a chew toy, for all I care you can keep the

    - If I can see a 12 year old in your house finishing a beer bong I don't
    need a warrant.

    - If they tell you they borrowed the jacket from a friend, just before you
    search it, they've got something, and it's still gonna be their jacket.

    - Any person who absolutely cannot sit still or hold a relevant conversation
    to pertaining subject, and does not mention desperate need of the lavatory,
    is either:
    1) illegally transporting something
    2) under the influence or
    3)has a felony warrant out for them.

    - If I ask you the day or month you were born and you have to think about it
    I don't believe your answer.

    - If the company you entertain includes crack, meth, and/or heroin users, I
    may act like a professional when you call me for the burglary report but I'm
    secretly laughing my *** off at the poetic justice of the situation.

    - Speaking to me and starting your phrase with, "Screw you, you can't do
    that....." will quickly make you the victim of your own ignorance.

    - EVERYONE lies.
    The bad guys lie to try to get out of trouble,
    the victims lie to make their plight sound worse and/or to make the bad guy look worse.
    The truth is usually somewhere in between.

    - Nobody in the history of the world has ever had "just a couple of beers"
    and then ended up in contact with law enforcement under circumstances where the amount of alcohol they have consumed is a factor.

    - I know ALL my cousin's last names. Especially the ones that I know well
    enough to borrow their car. So should you...unless they aren't really your

    - "I get a check" is not the answer that tells me you are a solid citizen
    when I ask you where you work.

    - No bathroom, ANYWHERE, in any house, is large enough to fit everyone who
    was in the house when the shooting happened. If you tell me you were peeing
    outside when I point that out, you better be able to show me a wet spot.

    - If you look right then left more than once while talking to my face, you
    are about to wear handcuffs or sit in the back seat of my unit, because I do
    not like foot pursuits.

    - If I ask you "is there anything in the car that's illegal" and you say
    "not that I know of" or "there shouldn't be".....I get very excited..... ....
    It's like Christmas morning.

    - If anyone, anywhere, asks you for change for a $1, you are about to be

    -If it's a 3 o'clock pedestrian check, you ask the guy his name and he
    responds "Who Me?" he is wanted.

    -"In the City" Or "In the county" or "over there" or "wif my auntie" is not
    an appropriate answer for "Where do you live?"

    -People just don't 'find' the following items lying on the ground: guns,
    knives, box cutters, screwdrivers, crow bars, car stereos, crack, weed,
    excessive amounts of cash...

    - Baby's Mama should be a checkable category on the U.S. Census form.

    -"Up it Mother****er" is synonymous for "I am in need of cash, please give
    me yours."

    -A trained officer can hit very little in a firefight. A street thug with a
    Saturday night special can shoot the b---s off of a gnat at 50 paces.

    -The 'Gaffenburg Slap,' 'Peronial Blast' and any number of assorted pressure
    points don't work well. The large Mag-Lites and older Kel-lites do.

  • #2
    Originally posted by xraodcop View Post
    -- If they tell you they borrowed the jacket from a friend, just before you
    search it, they've got something, and it's still gonna be their jacket.
    and all this time I thought it was the pants that they borrow.
    ‘Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go.’
    Oscar Wilde


    • #3
      "They're not my pants", uttered after being taken out of a stolen car and having drugs in said pants pockets.


      • #4
        Let me add a few...:

        - No officer in the history of police work has ever, after a foot pursuit, bought the excuse "Oh, I didn't know you were a cop.
        - If, after I pull you over, you arrogantly mention that you're an explorer/security guard/or neighbor of a cop while dismissively getting ready to drive away, you're going to get cited for things you didn't even know you could get cited for.
        - If, after I tell you to pull your hands out of your pockets, you pull your left hand out but stubbornly refuse to pull your right hand out, expect to see what the end of a barrel of a Glock looks like.
        - Don't tell me that I can't cite/arrest/ID you based on something your criminal justice teacher told you. If I'm already doing it, I can and will continue to do it regardless of your lack of understanding of the constitution. If you don't cooperate, odds are I'm going to continue to do it while you're wearing handcuffs and sitting on a su****ious stain from the last guy I put in the back seat of my car.
        - The words "phone call' aren't in the constitution.
        - If I didn't read you your rights, it just means I don't want to talk to you. It doesn't mean you get to go free because I 'forgot'.
        - If I remind you more than once of your right to remain silent, it's just a way of saying 'shut up you little punk' that won't land me a butt-chewing in the Lt's. office.
        - I'm not impressed that you're a tax payer. To tell you the truth, I kinda doubt you paid any taxes last year.


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