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- The running speed of a Belgian Malinois is at least twice that of the
average out of shape tweaker. If you are going to attempt to outrun one,
please calculate the "Rate x Time = Distance" formula ahead of time if you
want to avoid getting your a-- bit.
- If they say they "just met" another person, then they are close friends
who just committed a crime and don't want to be implicated with
aforementioned friend.
-Anyone who goes out of their way to acknowledge you is hiding something.
-Anyone who goes out of their way to ignore you is hiding something.
- If you get called to a 911 hang-up and a guy answers the door with a 9
month old child in his arms and says "Oh, the baby must have accidentally
dialed it," he means he was just involved in a domestic that he doesn't want
you to know about. Sometimes the same guy has a $25k felony warrant as well.
- If you borrowed a BMW from a friend it's not unreasonable to expect you to
know your friends last name.
- If you rob a gas station you're only going to get $20, but if I get to see
a large K-9 dog use your arm as a chew toy, for all I care you can keep the
$20.
- If I can see a 12 year old in your house finishing a beer bong I don't
need a warrant.
- If they tell you they borrowed the jacket from a friend, just before you
search it, they've got something, and it's still gonna be their jacket.
- Any person who absolutely cannot sit still or hold a relevant conversation
to pertaining subject, and does not mention desperate need of the lavatory,
is either:
1) illegally transporting something
2) under the influence or
3)has a felony warrant out for them.
- If I ask you the day or month you were born and you have to think about it
I don't believe your answer.
- If the company you entertain includes crack, meth, and/or heroin users, I
may act like a professional when you call me for the burglary report but I'm
secretly laughing my *** off at the poetic justice of the situation.
- Speaking to me and starting your phrase with, "Screw you, you can't do
that....." will quickly make you the victim of your own ignorance.
- EVERYONE lies.
The bad guys lie to try to get out of trouble,
the victims lie to make their plight sound worse and/or to make the bad guy look worse.
The truth is usually somewhere in between.
- Nobody in the history of the world has ever had "just a couple of beers"
and then ended up in contact with law enforcement under circumstances where the amount of alcohol they have consumed is a factor.
- I know ALL my cousin's last names. Especially the ones that I know well
enough to borrow their car. So should you...unless they aren't really your
cousin.
- "I get a check" is not the answer that tells me you are a solid citizen
when I ask you where you work.
- No bathroom, ANYWHERE, in any house, is large enough to fit everyone who
was in the house when the shooting happened. If you tell me you were peeing
outside when I point that out, you better be able to show me a wet spot.
- If you look right then left more than once while talking to my face, you
are about to wear handcuffs or sit in the back seat of my unit, because I do
not like foot pursuits.
- If I ask you "is there anything in the car that's illegal" and you say
"not that I know of" or "there shouldn't be".....I get very excited..... ....
It's like Christmas morning.
- If anyone, anywhere, asks you for change for a $1, you are about to be
robbed.
-If it's a 3 o'clock pedestrian check, you ask the guy his name and he
responds "Who Me?" he is wanted.
-"In the City" Or "In the county" or "over there" or "wif my auntie" is not
an appropriate answer for "Where do you live?"
-People just don't 'find' the following items lying on the ground: guns,
knives, box cutters, screwdrivers, crow bars, car stereos, crack, weed,
excessive amounts of cash...
- Baby's Mama should be a checkable category on the U.S. Census form.
-"Up it Mother****er" is synonymous for "I am in need of cash, please give
me yours."
-A trained officer can hit very little in a firefight. A street thug with a
Saturday night special can shoot the b---s off of a gnat at 50 paces.
-The 'Gaffenburg Slap,' 'Peronial Blast' and any number of assorted pressure
points don't work well. The large Mag-Lites and older Kel-lites do.
average out of shape tweaker. If you are going to attempt to outrun one,
please calculate the "Rate x Time = Distance" formula ahead of time if you
want to avoid getting your a-- bit.
- If they say they "just met" another person, then they are close friends
who just committed a crime and don't want to be implicated with
aforementioned friend.
-Anyone who goes out of their way to acknowledge you is hiding something.
-Anyone who goes out of their way to ignore you is hiding something.
- If you get called to a 911 hang-up and a guy answers the door with a 9
month old child in his arms and says "Oh, the baby must have accidentally
dialed it," he means he was just involved in a domestic that he doesn't want
you to know about. Sometimes the same guy has a $25k felony warrant as well.
- If you borrowed a BMW from a friend it's not unreasonable to expect you to
know your friends last name.
- If you rob a gas station you're only going to get $20, but if I get to see
a large K-9 dog use your arm as a chew toy, for all I care you can keep the
$20.
- If I can see a 12 year old in your house finishing a beer bong I don't
need a warrant.
- If they tell you they borrowed the jacket from a friend, just before you
search it, they've got something, and it's still gonna be their jacket.
- Any person who absolutely cannot sit still or hold a relevant conversation
to pertaining subject, and does not mention desperate need of the lavatory,
is either:
1) illegally transporting something
2) under the influence or
3)has a felony warrant out for them.
- If I ask you the day or month you were born and you have to think about it
I don't believe your answer.
- If the company you entertain includes crack, meth, and/or heroin users, I
may act like a professional when you call me for the burglary report but I'm
secretly laughing my *** off at the poetic justice of the situation.
- Speaking to me and starting your phrase with, "Screw you, you can't do
that....." will quickly make you the victim of your own ignorance.
- EVERYONE lies.
The bad guys lie to try to get out of trouble,
the victims lie to make their plight sound worse and/or to make the bad guy look worse.
The truth is usually somewhere in between.
- Nobody in the history of the world has ever had "just a couple of beers"
and then ended up in contact with law enforcement under circumstances where the amount of alcohol they have consumed is a factor.
- I know ALL my cousin's last names. Especially the ones that I know well
enough to borrow their car. So should you...unless they aren't really your
cousin.
- "I get a check" is not the answer that tells me you are a solid citizen
when I ask you where you work.
- No bathroom, ANYWHERE, in any house, is large enough to fit everyone who
was in the house when the shooting happened. If you tell me you were peeing
outside when I point that out, you better be able to show me a wet spot.
- If you look right then left more than once while talking to my face, you
are about to wear handcuffs or sit in the back seat of my unit, because I do
not like foot pursuits.
- If I ask you "is there anything in the car that's illegal" and you say
"not that I know of" or "there shouldn't be".....I get very excited..... ....
It's like Christmas morning.
- If anyone, anywhere, asks you for change for a $1, you are about to be
robbed.
-If it's a 3 o'clock pedestrian check, you ask the guy his name and he
responds "Who Me?" he is wanted.
-"In the City" Or "In the county" or "over there" or "wif my auntie" is not
an appropriate answer for "Where do you live?"
-People just don't 'find' the following items lying on the ground: guns,
knives, box cutters, screwdrivers, crow bars, car stereos, crack, weed,
excessive amounts of cash...
- Baby's Mama should be a checkable category on the U.S. Census form.
-"Up it Mother****er" is synonymous for "I am in need of cash, please give
me yours."
-A trained officer can hit very little in a firefight. A street thug with a
Saturday night special can shoot the b---s off of a gnat at 50 paces.
-The 'Gaffenburg Slap,' 'Peronial Blast' and any number of assorted pressure
points don't work well. The large Mag-Lites and older Kel-lites do.
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