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DUI Arrest


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  • DUI Arrest

    So there I was…

    …running radar for Southbound traffic on one of our major thoroughfares in a 35 mph zone. I have no idea why it’s that low there; after all, it’s a major thoroughfare through a business district. The speed limit goes up and down several times along that stretch, but I set up to catch people speeding after they’ve passed four 35 mph signs. I figure if you go past four of them, you really should be slowed down by then.

    So, one car came zinging down the road, oblivious to the white car with the light bar on top and “Police” emblazoned in reflective blue lettering on the side. I clocked her at 56 miles per hour, so I pulled her over.

    Judging by the title, you know what came next. Besides, DUI enforcement is a hobby of mine. I’m better at it than most cops and I think it’s important. I also find a lot of drugs by stopping drunk drivers, too (it’s relatively easy to legally search a car compared to a house, and dope has to move).

    So, all the indicators were there: strong odor of alcohol, bloodshot watery eyes, slurred thick-tongued speech, droopy eyelids, etc. She even handed me a credit card when I asked for her driver’s license. I always love it when they do that, and I’ve always wanted to ask, “Debit or credit?” Of course I never do, mostly because if they’re too drunk to tell the difference between a driver’s license and a credit card, they won’t get the joke.

    So I got her out of the car and sat her in the back seat of mine. I talked with her for a few minutes as I got the paperwork started to do the DUI evaluation. She immediately tried to “badge out” of the DUI by claiming to be law enforcement. She had a New York driver’s license and New York license plate, so I wasn’t really concerned about making any local brethren angry. Just out of curiosity, I asked where she worked, and she said that she worked for the Federal Bureau of Prisons. The “Supermax” facility is just a few miles down the road, so I figured it could be true. Not that it mattered to me, a drunk is a drunk.

    Then my DUI driver proceeded to tell me about how she had worked for the bureau for the last three years, and had been a Deputy Sheriff in New York for ten years previous to that.

    Hmm...everyone knows I’m no math genius, but this didn’t pass the smell test. You see, according to her driver’s license, she was only twenty-seven years old. That means if her story was true, she became a cop when she was fourteen. I call BULL****! Again, not that it would have mattered.

    Long story short, my child prodigy ex-cop got zinged for driving drunk. Doom on you, dirtbag!
    Last edited by mac266; 04-26-2007, 09:27 AM.

  • #2
    HAHA! That's hilarious! Did you ask her if she was a junior high cadet?

    John 15:13 - Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends.


    • #3
      Bad at math

      Maybe she started her law enforcement career as a school hall moniter. HA HA HA


      • #4
        Maybe she was deputized by a school security guard during a crime watch meeting.

        A man should never be ashamed to own that he has been in the wrong, which is but saying... that he is wiser today than yesterday. Jonathan Swift 1667-1745

        It's only a conspiracy when your party is not in power.


        • #5
          DUI Arrest

          Mac, that's a good one. No, it's a great one. Amazing what a drunk will tell you. Glad you got her off the road. Keep up the good work, stay safe.


          • #6
            didnt you know that booze makes the drugs much more easier to find, this is because they forget they didnt hide them in their friends pants that they happen to be wearing that night. *snicker snicker*

            good job and great story.
            ‘Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go.’
            Oscar Wilde


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