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Open Microphone Follies

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  • ramseycl
    replied
    Oh so many to pick from:

    A few weeks ago a deputy was calling out with a stranded motorist:
    "Dispatch, I'll be enroute from this location to the gas station....oh Sh1it my over heads are on.............with the driver"
    He had picked up the driver who ran out of gas, and was going to give him a ride to the gas station, he couldn't figure out why cars were pulling over for him, them mid sentance it hit him.


    Another deputy was out on a traffic accident on really slick roads, he was calling in when a semi lost control and almost hit him.
    "Dispatch I've arrived, I need CDOT and a tow SLOW THE F*** down, break"
    He called on the phone to apologize for yelling on the radio but we all thougth it was funny.


    We had a dispatcher working who was having a very frusterating day with one of the deputies, he was being a real princess asking for all kinds of stupid things. She gave him a phone number he needed, and then her mic stuck open as she turned to talk to her partner:
    Sue I almost killed Jim today, little bastard" The funniest part was hearing that deputy, Jim, in the background on another chanel telling her she had an open mic.

    Leave a comment:


  • Mirrain
    replied
    Originally posted by TX Heat View Post
    Dispatch mic hung open on night and our dispatcher, who had a strong spanish accent and a fondness for singing was in full voice. (Hope I can do it justice in print.)

    " I'm yust a luv ma-cheen, don't want nobody but ju..."

    After a couple of verses he keyed back up and sent me to a kid riding a dirt bike on the street, "He's on a jellow jamaha."

    He was one of my all time favorite dispatchers.
    LOL love it! I had a good chuckle....some really good stories here.

    My old partner was calling a complainant about a theft she had reported to get some information. This lady starts chewing him out because she was told the response would be delayed (2+ hours) as it was a non priority call and we had several stacked in my zone. She wanted a car there right away so after he finishes listening to her go off on a tirade, he *thought* he hit "end" on his phone but apparently not, he puts the phone in his vest and starts in about how he really feels about her. He says "i'm going to drive to every f***** place but her house first". This woman in turn called the office and spoke to the Sgt asking him to attend the scene and explained the story to him. When my partner showed up, he was caught a little off guard to see the woman even more p.o.'d and the friendly sgt there.

    In his usual style he says to the Sgt "Oh hey sarge, you got this one or did you come by to bring me dinner?"

    I've had a few other issues sitting on the mic but luckily nothing really all that bad ever came through.

    Leave a comment:


  • D.o.D cop
    replied
    Originally posted by Redders4786 View Post
    I do believe I might have everyone beat. A few years ago I was working and a house fire was dispatched. Having a volly FD it was our job to get on scene and make a preliminary look for them. I get there and have the following converstation.

    ME: Is everyone out of the house?
    DAD: Nope Johnny's on the roof trying to out the fiaire.
    ME: What do you mean he's on the roof?
    DAD: He got da garden house and is trying to put it out.

    I walk around the back of the house not believing any of this. Sure enough there is the dirtiest, hill billy kid in tightie whites standing on the roof spraying a garden hose at the F*********** ELECTRICAL FIRE!!!! Unfortunately for me I was keying my portable mic at the time to advise the enroute FD. The following is what was heard and is circling in the atmosphere somewhere above north central nebraska.

    ME: County I have an el- HEY MORON GET OFF THE G** D*** ROOF IT'S A F-ing ELECTRICAL FIRE YOU RETARD!!" It went further from there but you get the picture.

    Lol, a little off topic, but while working on a military base, myself and a military member get dispatched for a domestic. When we arrive, the house is ablaze, flames leaping out everywhere, there was no way to save it. We advise dispatch, and my partner goes around the back of the house, and a few seconds later, I follow. As soon as I get around back, I see my artner with a garden hose, water on, trying to battle this raging fire. It was funny as hell, as you had to be there to appreciate it, but here's the 5 foot 5 person, with a tiny little garden hose battling a legion of flames.

    From there on, I asked him if his emergency lights were blue or red, and wheres his water hose. He didn't like that, and when he got out of the military, i gave him a fire extinguisher as a present.

    Leave a comment:


  • Redders
    replied
    I do believe I might have everyone beat. A few years ago I was working and a house fire was dispatched. Having a volly FD it was our job to get on scene and make a preliminary look for them. I get there and have the following converstation.

    ME: Is everyone out of the house?
    DAD: Nope Johnny's on the roof trying to out the fiaire.
    ME: What do you mean he's on the roof?
    DAD: He got da garden house and is trying to put it out.

    I walk around the back of the house not believing any of this. Sure enough there is the dirtiest, hill billy kid in tightie whites standing on the roof spraying a garden hose at the F*********** ELECTRICAL FIRE!!!! Unfortunately for me I was keying my portable mic at the time to advise the enroute FD. The following is what was heard and is circling in the atmosphere somewhere above north central nebraska.

    ME: County I have an el- HEY MORON GET OFF THE G** D*** ROOF IT'S A F-ing ELECTRICAL FIRE YOU RETARD!!" It went further from there but you get the picture.

    Leave a comment:


  • Hookem'
    replied
    Originally posted by MOGSOT View Post
    Our p.o.s. radios are all ways causing problems. One night the dispatcher sent me on a call and I answered up and acknowledged the call but she didn't hear me and kept calling. I swear I wasn't even touching the radio when I said something to the effect of "if you shut up and listen you might hear me answer." I was shocked when I heard my voice come over my partners radio. The Sgt. called me for that one.
    I've heard of some radio systems having the ability to transmit up to 5 seconds after the mic is un keyed?? I always try to keep my mouth shut after I transmit just in case.

    Leave a comment:


  • UH60fixer
    replied
    Here's another (what can I say, between the pilots, the LEOs, the firefighters and the dispatchers my family has plenty of opportunity to mess up on the radio)

    Stn 1 (main channel for LE) : garbly garbly garbly, unit garbly garbly garbly.

    Unnamed family member of Fixer: Last unit repeat transmission, you are very broken up.

    Stn 1: I said, garbly garbly garbly garble!

    Fixer's fam: Last unit repeat transmission, Stn 1 is unable to copy.

    Stn 1: He said GARBLY GARBLY GARBLY! (multiple units talking over each other)

    Fixer's fam: Last unit, please landline dispatch, unable to copy, multiple units talking over each other...*SIGH* I can't understand a g-d thing these guys are saying. What? Oh come on, nobody heard that. What do you mean a hot mic? Oh crap...

    Leave a comment:


  • BikeCop501
    replied
    thats some funny stuff right there with the siren... i would love to have heard that

    Leave a comment:


  • Badgerland
    replied
    Originally posted by That Guy View Post
    Someone ran up to dispatch and copied the segment......now its on the internet.
    Link please...


    That's similiar to something that was aired over the City of Madison PD's air. One night a female voice comes over the air, "Oooooh F*** me harder. Stick your tongue in my arse." Similiar comments were made throughout the night. Turns out some local whacko hacked the 800 mhz radio system and was playing porn over the air. They caught the guy and he got prison time.

    Leave a comment:


  • Badgerland
    replied
    Originally posted by pigvomit
    We dictate our reports on micro cassette players so one night one of my partners sitting in his squad car began dictating his report after a twelve hr shift but had grabbed the mic instead and dictated almost a full report over the air.... On 12/12/06 @ approx. 2330 hrs I was dispatched to blah, blah, blah.. good times.
    I did the exact thing once, except I only dictated the last paragraph over the air. It's amazing the dumb stuff you can do when you are tired.

    Leave a comment:


  • dispatcher63
    replied
    Not exactly an open radio mic, but equally embarrassing.

    Our county had just put in 10 brand new voice sirens. We were trying to conduct a monthly test, but we had misplaced the vendor's instructions and were trying to wing it. We couldn't get anything to happen and the dispatcher who was trying to do a live voice announcement got frustrated and began an expletive-laden rant.

    We're back at our consoles and about 35 seconds later, one of our deputies comes on the radio and says "100 bucks that dispatch gets fired by the end of the shift", and keeps the mic open. In the background, we hear a loud and crystal-clear voice echoing voice in the background saying, "This f-ing piece of sh**. County admins are such jews. They won't give us one f-ing cent to get anything worth a damn. Honestly. Who do they think they are? f-ing bastards".

    God must have been very happy with us, because it only got broadcast over one siren, and was only semi-intelligible beyond the immediate area, and the sheriff and county admins though that it was pretty funny . The county admins even funded a massive radio systems upgrade right after that, and we escaped without even a post-it in our files. Go figure. We never figured out how exactly that happened.
    Last edited by dispatcher63; 04-26-2007, 12:33 AM.

    Leave a comment:


  • Guams
    replied
    Originally posted by ascouli View Post
    I pull up on some love birds as it starts to rain, i ask(on the p.a.) the driver to get his i.d. and come back to talk to me for fear i might melt. At the exact time he exits his vehicle my partner pulls up with a rider who comments" Dude! That Dude's got a B*ner!" just as he keys the mic to go 10-97.
    ROFL!! Out of all these, I think I got the best laugh out of this one. I busted my gut and spit some soda all over the place. Unfortunately I haven't got any open mic stories I can share.

    Only thing I can share is that dispatch likes to make pirate sounds when I call in... the rangers (me being one of them) starts a transmission with "R624..."(for example). Dispatch comes back with "ARGGHH! 624, go ahead." During this quite lengthy reply, you can hear the other 3 dispatchers laughing in the background...

    Leave a comment:


  • Morning Coffee
    replied
    Ya'll are making my day , i love these , keep bringing em , please .... lol

    Leave a comment:


  • WAPM
    replied
    Originally posted by Smurfette_76
    At my first job, I had only been released from FTO the week prior so I was about a "green" as they got. I cleared a trespass call where this woman had just been SO angry with me for NOT arresting someone that she'd called me everything under the sun. Anywho, I got back in my car and gave the required information to dispatch. I hung the mic back up and didn't realize my knee pressed the button again. My radio wouldn't make that beeping noise when it was keyed up so I had NO idea. There I go, driving out of the driveway, talking to myself (thank goodness, someone else admitted to doing it as well) and I said quite clearly, "Could she have BEEN more an effing b*tch if she'd tried? Jesus Christ, she acts like I have nothing better to do that to listen to her PMS'ing self all damn day long....(add quite a bit more of my personal opinion of this woman)" My cell phone rings...

    ME: Hello?

    Comm: Open mic!!!

    ME: Huh (quick on the uptake, ain't I?)

    Comm: YOUR. MIC. IS. ON.

    Me: (paralyzed with fear and moving my knee) OMG, how much did you hear?

    Comm: All of it. Hold on. *I hear conversation in the back* Okay, Chief wants to see you.

    Yeah, it was a bad day to be me.
    You're not allowed to vent to yourself?

    Leave a comment:


  • ascouli
    replied
    I pull up on some love birds as it starts to rain, i ask(on the p.a.) the driver to get his i.d. and come back to talk to me for fear i might melt. At the exact time he exits his vehicle my partner pulls up with a rider who comments" Dude! That Dude's got a B*ner!" just as he keys the mic to go 10-97.

    Leave a comment:


  • School Cop
    replied
    Originally posted by That Guy
    Recently a cop went home for lunch and had a quickie with his wife. Her moan was on the air for about 3-5 seconds. Someone ran up to dispatch and copied the segment......now its on the internet.

    TGY
    Which one leaned on the transmit button? Or was he still wearing his radio? That's what I call dedication to the job!





    Just kidding...

    Leave a comment:

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