Open Microphone Follies

[D.o.D cop]

I do believe I might have everyone beat. A few years ago I was working and a house fire was dispatched. Having a volly FD it was our job to get on scene and make a preliminary look for them. I get there and have the following converstation.

ME: Is everyone out of the house?
DAD: Nope Johnny's on the roof trying to out the fiaire.
ME: What do you mean he's on the roof?
DAD: He got da garden house and is trying to put it out.

I walk around the back of the house not believing any of this. Sure enough there is the dirtiest, hill billy kid in tightie whites standing on the roof spraying a garden hose at the F*********** ELECTRICAL FIRE!!!! Unfortunately for me I was keying my portable mic at the time to advise the enroute FD. The following is what was heard and is circling in the atmosphere somewhere above north central nebraska.

ME: County I have an el- HEY MORON GET OFF THE G** D*** ROOF IT'S A F-ing ELECTRICAL FIRE YOU RETARD!!" It went further from there but you get the picture.

Lol, a little off topic, but while working on a military base, myself and a military member get dispatched for a domestic. When we arrive, the house is ablaze, flames leaping out everywhere, there was no way to save it. We advise dispatch, and my partner goes around the back of the house, and a few seconds later, I follow. As soon as I get around back, I see my artner with a garden hose, water on, trying to battle this raging fire. It was funny as hell, as you had to be there to appreciate it, but here's the 5 foot 5 person, with a tiny little garden hose battling a legion of flames.

From there on, I asked him if his emergency lights were blue or red, and wheres his water hose. He didn't like that, and when he got out of the military, i gave him a fire extinguisher as a present.

[Mirrain]

Dispatch mic hung open on night and our dispatcher, who had a strong spanish accent and a fondness for singing was in full voice. (Hope I can do it justice in print.)

" I'm yust a luv ma-cheen, don't want nobody but ju..."

After a couple of verses he keyed back up and sent me to a kid riding a dirt bike on the street, "He's on a jellow jamaha."

He was one of my all time favorite dispatchers.

LOL love it! I had a good chuckle....some really good stories here.

My old partner was calling a complainant about a theft she had reported to get some information. This lady starts chewing him out because she was told the response would be delayed (2+ hours) as it was a non priority call and we had several stacked in my zone. She wanted a car there right away so after he finishes listening to her go off on a tirade, he *thought* he hit "end" on his phone but apparently not, he puts the phone in his vest and starts in about how he really feels about her. He says "i'm going to drive to every f***** place but her house first". This woman in turn called the office and spoke to the Sgt asking him to attend the scene and explained the story to him. When my partner showed up, he was caught a little off guard to see the woman even more p.o.'d and the friendly sgt there.

In his usual style he says to the Sgt "Oh hey sarge, you got this one or did you come by to bring me dinner?"

I've had a few other issues sitting on the mic but luckily nothing really all that bad ever came through.

[ramseycl]

Oh so many to pick from:

A few weeks ago a deputy was calling out with a stranded motorist:
"Dispatch, I'll be enroute from this location to the gas station....oh Sh1it my over heads are on.............with the driver"
He had picked up the driver who ran out of gas, and was going to give him a ride to the gas station, he couldn't figure out why cars were pulling over for him, them mid sentance it hit him.


Another deputy was out on a traffic accident on really slick roads, he was calling in when a semi lost control and almost hit him.
"Dispatch I've arrived, I need CDOT and a tow SLOW THE F*** down, break"
He called on the phone to apologize for yelling on the radio but we all thougth it was funny.


We had a dispatcher working who was having a very frusterating day with one of the deputies, he was being a real princess asking for all kinds of stupid things. She gave him a phone number he needed, and then her mic stuck open as she turned to talk to her partner:
Sue I almost killed Jim today, little bastard" The funniest part was hearing that deputy, Jim, in the background on another chanel telling her she had an open mic.