Open Microphone Follies

[irishdep]

When I first started with my dept. I was trying to use the phone paging system to get a hold of the guy I was to ride with. I picked it up, hit the page all button and started to talk. Well I didn't hear anything coming over the speakers so I started to blow into it and tap it on the counter, then I look at the deputy next to me and I tell him "This f*&^%$ thing is a piece of S#!+". Next voice I heard was that of my Lt. coming over the intercom "asking me to report to his office. He explained very "nicely" that I may not of heard the intercom but everyone else in the building did.

[thirdgod]

At the county agency I volunteer with, a number of years ago they were still on an old VHF radio system. One of the Deputies got into a pursuit, and requested backup. A certain Deputy began rolling his way, but was assigned to an unfamiliar beat that night and was having navigation problems. When radio asked him his ETA for backup and his location, he got frustrated and said "I DON'T KNOW, I'm F***ING LOST!!" Well, one of the Deputy Chiefs just happened to be monitoring the pursuit, and it sounded something like this:

"Car 5" (D. Chief)

"Car 5 go ahead" (Radio)

"Car 5, have that last unit clear with his designator and serial number"

"Last unit clearing?" (Radio being good and not ratting him out)

And the Deputy came back and said, loud and clear-

"I said I was F***ing LOST, not F***ing STUPID!"

[irishdep]

At the county agency I volunteer with, a number of years ago they were still on an old VHF radio system. One of the Deputies got into a pursuit, and requested backup. A certain Deputy began rolling his way, but was assigned to an unfamiliar beat that night and was having navigation problems. When radio asked him his ETA for backup and his location, he got frustrated and said "I DON'T KNOW, I'm F***ING LOST!!" Well, one of the Deputy Chiefs just happened to be monitoring the pursuit, and it sounded something like this:

"Car 5" (D. Chief)

"Car 5 go ahead" (Radio)

"Car 5, have that last unit clear with his designator and serial number"

"Last unit clearing?" (Radio being good and not ratting him out)

And the Deputy came back and said, loud and clear-

"I said I was F***ing LOST, not F***ing STUPID!"

That's funny as hell!

[BLSBoy]

When I worked EMS in Atlantic City, we used VHF radios. While working a code, after loading the pt up, with my partner was in the back I was driving, the following conversation happened.

Me; Hey, yall ready back there? (stupid question, only her and the pt...who was rather stiff)

Partner; YES!, GO!

Me; Hey, your mic is open

Partner; No its not

Me; Yes it is

Partner; No its not

Me; Yes it is

Partner; No its not

Me; Yes it is

Partner; No its not, its OFF!

Me; Oh sh*t, its my f*#king radio!

And we wonder why the dispatchers think we are nuts.....

[RwHJR3]

Im LMAO reading these.

Well, fortuantely I have not had any interesting incidents happen to myself. But here is one that happened with my friend.

He is an FTO and had a trainee with him. So they were driving around the city, the trainee was learning the geography. Well..the mic in there car wasn't on a clip, so it was lying between the trainee's leg and the console. Well..the PA got keyed up and was stuck open. So there driving around and come across a "obese" person walking up the roadway with his shirt off and lying across his shoulder. Well the trainee started making jokes about the guy saying how he needs to put that shirt back on and cover up that body of his, along with a few other comments about people that they were passing. So, these people all turned around and heard what he said. They later figured out that the PA was still open.

[RwHJR3]

Another:

One of the guys just got a camera system installed in his car, so he was not sure when it was on or off, or how to work the thing. Well one night, he must of some how turned it on. While he was driving, he started talking to himself (which we all do im sure). A car would pass him and he would say "should I pull him over...f*ck yea i'll pull him over. Why? B/C im the Mother f***ing PO-LICE!". For a good while the camera recorded him saying the funniest things. That all got revealed when Admin got a hold of it to check out the video. LOL!

[C-Charlie42]

I had been working at my agency for a few months and was working midnights. I was assigned to an older car that had tempermental equipment. I had just stopped a car and was calling out my location when the light bar and spotlight went off. I began cussing the car with all kinds of nice four letter words. I just happened to look down and realized that I still had the mike keyed up.

Had a little explaining to do on that one. Didn't help the dispatcher kept playing it back to everyone for about a month.

[VSPClem]

Three of us are pulled along side eachother in a parking lot one night. I bring up something about the VW bus, the deputy on one side of me keys up his mic to call something in, and at the exact time the third deputy yells across the other car to me "Yeah, that was really Hitler's only good idea".

[BikeCop501]

Another:

One of the guys just got a camera system installed in his car, so he was not sure when it was on or off, or how to work the thing. Well one night, he must of some how turned it on. While he was driving, he started talking to himself (which we all do im sure). A car would pass him and he would say "should I pull him over...f*ck yea i'll pull him over. Why? B/C im the Mother f*cking PO-LICE!". For a good while the camera recorded him saying the funniest things. That all got revealed when Admin got a hold of it to check out the video. LOL!

That ones pretty good.... I talk to myself, but make sure that everything is off around me...

[TOPPED_OUT]

Three of us are pulled along side eachother in a parking lot one night. I bring up something about the VW bus, the deputy on one side of me keys up his mic to call something in, and at the exact time the third deputy yells across the other car to me "Yeah, that was really Hitler's only good idea".

lmao....these stories are great

[UH60fixer]

Awesome Troop!

When I was working for the state Dept of Forestry, I got assigned to...basically baby-sit this new hire SRB who A) had never driven a stick, much less a 1000 gallon engine with a 9 speed Eaton-Fuller B) couldn't find his a...um arse with both hands and C) couldn't work the radio if his life depended on it. Have I mentioned yet that he had a relative that was a higher-up in the district office? Anyway, I got to train him and the nooob FF. Good times. So we're rolling to a BIG fire. I mean, B I G, orange-glow-in-the-sky, gonna-make-its-own-weather kinda fire. We're initial attack. I tell him to turn RIGHT at the next intersection (hard to miss, you had to go L or R, and the BIG ORANGE GLOW and HUGE COLUMN OF SMOKE were clearly to the RIGHT)

I'm reading the map, trying to get better co-ordinates so I could order in the helo (awesome, first time *I* got to request a helo) he turns left AWAY FROM the fire-dispatch calls me for a posit check, I tell them we will need the helo from XYZ contractor, any other helos we can get, and they might want to launch the air tanker, as we can see visible flames...wait a minute? IN OUR REAR VIEW MIRRORS? You F***** dumb ****! The fire's OVER THERE. BEHIND US!

Him: I think this way is quicker (keep in mind, I GREW UP DRIVING THESE ROADS, he's from OUT OF STATE)

Me: Jesus help us...
Him: You know, we really don't need any air support (ash starts to fall on the engine....something is blotting out the sun)

Me: Don't make me pull this truck over (oh my god, I'm just like my father)

Noob FF: Um, Fixer? What does that little light on the radio mean?

Me: Oh s... (picks up mic and re-sets it, without the map in the way holding the button down)

Dispatch: "*snort* Ahem, Station 999 to engine 981, do you still want **chuckle** air support?"

Anonymous unit " *cough* FCC *cough* "

After that it was merciless ribbing the rest of the season as the crew called me variations of Granny and/or Griswold...

My mom (the dispatcher/call taker) actually dispatched an engine company, truck, ladder, ambulance and a bat. chief to a "Fu**ture Strire"

We also had a medic call in and request to verify accident location as they were about 2 miles from site and located another collision. Dispatcher's response "*sigh* Hell, I don't know, there's wrecks all over the county, just pick one and go to it" (It was very snowy/freezing rain on top)

[School Cop]

Not My Fault

We're a sleepy little town after midnight, and myself and another officer were the only ones working about 0230. (OK, sitting around the station, not working, but anyway...) We get a hot call and jump in my car as a 2-man unit. I take off down the alley expecting no traffic on the main road, but I give it the quick "make sure" glance, intending to run the stop sign all the way. Change of plans, as there is a Peterbuilt in the immediate vicinity. I yell, "Mother F-----!" and slam on the brakes. Partner calls in we're en route, then starts snorting and tells me he had just keyed the mike when I yelled. I never heard anything from it, though.

And the call turned out to be just a couple of kids having sex in the park.

[BLSBoy]

And the call turned out to be just a couple of kids having sex in the park.

Thats hott allright!

[tspinaker]

Ok, I've got one of these, but it's not from a patrol car, but the streets of Baghdad. My platoon was in charge of a blocking position set up on one of the MSRs in Baghdad. My vehicle was at one end so when military traffic came through there I would have to go out and see how many vehicle/personnel, and their destination. Well there was a sister company in our BN that was doing MSR patrols and came through there on a regular basis. Always in the front vehicle was a LT who had quite an attitude. Well it was the middle of the night, the convoy came through and I decided that it was my drivers turn to go get the numbers. She comes back frustrated.

My gunner asks what's wrong and my drive says "you know that LT who always comes through here that you think is HOT, she's a b#tch, so I start laughing and my gunner says yeah, I know she is but I'd still like to f*ck her. After the conversation goes one for a couple of minutes, someone finally calls me and lets me know I have a hot mic. My gunner was standing on the hand mic. Turns out we were not on our internal freq, and the LT that just passed by heard our conversation as well. I then got on the internal and asked how much of the conversation everyone had heard, and their reply, "everything". The LT was however, a lot nicer the next night she came through.

[School Cop]

Thats hott allright!

Unfortunately, no, she wasn't.

I did have a chance at seeing something good once, but I was too much a gentleman, dang it. I was driving through the park after hours and saw two cars. One I recognized as belonging to one of my HS kids, football player. I figured what was going on and gave them a minute to get things situated before approaching. If I had recognized the girl's car, things might have been different!