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  • Open Microphone Follies

    Ah yes, yes indeed. Been here too many times.

    The best one in my career, was actually on my very first day riding as an FNG:

    I pick up my FTO in his hometown some 30 miles away. Of course, being a good FTO, his first directive is to take him to coffee back in my town so, we drive back 30 miles.

    All the way, I am being a good recruit and asking questions:

    "So, have you ever met the Colonel" I ask? The Colonel is the "Chief of a state police / highway patrol.

    "He's a *****. Why?"

    "Just wondered," I says, "so, are truck drivers really nasty people like I hear about?"


    That torched him off. For the next twenty-five minutes, right up until we pull into the coffee shop parking lot, my seasoned and worldy FTO is on a raging rant. First it's about truck drivers, then people from Utah, Colorado, Nebraska, California, and then, it's about the idiot, inbred sheriff of our county and then, the sheriff's brother in law, who happens to be the Chief of Police in our little town.

    Anyway, we get ready to get out of the car and I move my knee and put it in park. The next sound is the repeater squelch "clap."

    At 6'10", my knees were up in the dash and, leaning against the mic button.

    We later found out we had been "on the air" and in scannerland, since I picked him up.

    When he heard the squelch, he just looked at me with that look only an FTO gets and said, "F***ing FNGs."

    He transfered a few months later.
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  • #2
    Great Story 10-42 trooper.


    My favorite was when we had some freezing rain move in overnight that caused for a few problems for the morning rushhour. I was responding to an accident on a bridge when I *almost* became a victim of same bridge. Just as I was calling at scene, I lost it.

    "919 to radio hold me 10-23 on the OH SH..........."
    "919 to units coming in, be advised it is very slick and I need the next units to stop prior to the bridge and block it off."

    I was lucky in that when I was dropping the S bomb, I was more worried about controlling the steering wheel then the mic and all that was heard on the air was OH SH and then the mic went dead.

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    • #3
      I was on patrol and in my unit was a older digital radio that we used in KC....and they were complete POS's.....

      As I was putting down the road heading towards the station with a transport, I looked down at the radio and was acting all goofy....cycling through the start-up, tossing out random channel numbers on the display, and making random noises, etc.....

      In my wisdom, I grabbed the mic and started pounding it on the radio....cursing as I did so.....calling the thing a POS, dropping a couple of F bombs, and a few other choice words.....

      I ended up getting the thing to finally turn off......as it was cycling through to re-boot back up.....my cell phone rings. It's my SGT....wanting to know WTF was going on....as they could hear (and record) all my radio traffic but couldn't talk to me....so they were starting to send units my way since they knew I was on a transport.....and thought the subject and I might be having issues.....

      I told him all was fine and I would explain when I got to the station.......

      I rolled into the sally port about 10 mins later.... and everyone was appluding me......

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      • #4
        Our patrol cars have a switch to change from the radio to a PA. Some of the new guys dont manage to hit the switch all the way and end up yelling some interesting things over the radio instead of the PA. One ended up yelling several times "So and SO Police Department....I see you in there...... come out to the front of the house" during a noise call. Evidently didnt realize until the third or so time that his voice wasnt coming out of the PA. Needless to say we didnt let him forgot that one for a while.

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        • #5
          Intentionally keying the mic, while your unsuspecting partner talked trash about the Chief's wife, was always good for a few laughs
          "Think like a man of action, act like a man of thought" ~Henri Louis Bergson
          ______________________


          ComptonPOLICEGANGS.com

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          • #6
            Open Mikes.

            Yah, some of the best comedy in the world comes from open mikes.

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            • #7
              Originally posted by exComptonCop
              Intentionally keying the mic, while your unsuspecting partner talked trash about the Chief's wife, was always good for a few laughs
              Close....one of the County Guys was ranting and raving about a County Commissioner being a midget POS.....and he was sitting on his handheld in the vehicle....keyed up......

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              • #8
                good topic 1042 to lighten up the mood!

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                • #9
                  Originally posted by 1042 Trooper
                  When he heard the squelch, he just looked at me with that look only an FTO gets and said, "F***ing FNGs."

                  He transfered a few months later.
                  He sounds like a friendly fellow.

                  These are funny. Keep 'em coming.

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                  • #10
                    Our p.o.s. radios are all ways causing problems. One night the dispatcher sent me on a call and I answered up and acknowledged the call but she didn't hear me and kept calling. I swear I wasn't even touching the radio when I said something to the effect of "if you shut up and listen you might hear me answer." I was shocked when I heard my voice come over my partners radio. The Sgt. called me for that one.
                    The views I share are my own, and do not represent the opinions of my employing agency.

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                    • #11
                      We recently had one that went "262 I'm in pursuit northbound on..OH FUBAR! He hit a dumpster, I'll be out with him at..."

                      Or the guy who had a car chase out into the county followed by a 5 minute foot chase. When asked where he was, his reply "In a big damn field somewhere!" Thankfully it was 3a.m. and only a few LE heard him.

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                      • #12
                        Originally posted by TX Heat
                        We recently had one that went "262 I'm in pursuit northbound on..OH FUBAR! He hit a dumpster, I'll be out with him at..."

                        Or the guy who had a car chase out into the county followed by a 5 minute foot chase. When asked where he was, his reply "In a big damn field somewhere!" Thankfully it was 3a.m. and only a few LE heard him.
                        ROFLLMMFAO!!!
                        Moooooooooooo, I'm a goat

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                        • #13
                          Our dispatchers used a foot switch to transmit, and the switches were old. They would occasionally stick, leaving the mic open. They wouldn't know the mic was open until they realized no one was answering them, or someone on another channel told them. Usually, an officer on the green channel would hear the background noise of the open mic, switch to the blue channel, and tell the operator there that green had the open mic.

                          One night, improbable as it was, both channels had simultaneous open mics. This predated cell phones, so there was no way to tell them without making a landline call. The blue channel was a secondary for running wants and DL checks and such, and it was a dull night, so she wasn't all that surprised that she couldn't hear any traffic. The green operator was a bit more Type A. She started on something of a soliliquy.

                          Oh {expletive}, I spilled my coffee. {expletive}{expletive}{expletive}. I can't hear my units. What the {expletive}'s wrong? I hate this {expletive} console. Oh, {expletive}. Oh, {different expletive}. I want to go home.

                          This went on for over three minutes before someone could make a landline call and tell her.

                          At the time, we had an award that we presented "...for exceptionally stupid acts in the line of duty as a member of the Reno Police Department." It was named for an officer who was especially prone to such acts. The two dispatchers were given a simultaneous presentation for the "longest and most entertaining open mic in police history."
                          Tim Dees, now writing as a plain old forum member, his superpowers lost to an encounter with gold kryptonite.

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                          • #14
                            My personal worst prompted me to start this thread:

                            http://forums.officer.com/forums/sho...hlight=Hot+Mic
                            "The statements and opinions contained in this communication do not necessarily reflect the official position of the Commission regarding these issues."
                            ____________________________________
                            http://www.danielfaulkner.com
                            Justice for Officer Daniel Faulkner
                            ____________________________________
                            09/11/2001 Never Forget

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                            • #15
                              One day a guy that I work with decided to tell me a story about his ex wife and certain acts that she liked to perform. He leaned over in his chair and had his voice all low and sneaky like, but when he leaned over it keyed his mic up and his mouth was right beside it. I could tell that he had an open mic but being the good listener that I am I let him finish his story before falling over laughing. Luckily this was at night on the jail frequency that not many poeple listen to, but that was one of the funniest things that I have ever witnessed.

                              BB

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