On the subject of marriage.

[blondie72]

There has been a lot of talk about marriage, here, recently

I was reading an article about the new book "The Marriage Plan", by Aggie Jordan, PhD. The book apparently proposes a 13- step plan for getting hitched to your boyfriend within a year. Some of the tactics discussed in the book, inlcude: setting a wedding date, informing your boyfriend of your desire to get married; and abstaining from sex- until he supplies you with a ring.

In the past, women have generally taken the passive role when it comes to the issue of marriage. Women drop hints, and either the man picks up on them, and proposes, or he runs for the hills ( ). Nowadays- it seems that women are being encouraged to be assertive in stating their wishes, and even asking for marriage.

So, I would like to pose some questions for our forum members.

Gentlemen:

1) Do you think women should take an assertive role in: stating a desire for marriage, setting a date, abstaining from sex, and even proposing?

2) How did you (or will you) propose?

Ladies:

1) Same question: (do you think women should take an active role...) or is this approach too aggressive, and self- defeating?

2) How were you (or how would you like to be) proposed to? Any women here that would propose?

[This message has been edited by blondie72 (edited 05-15-2001).]

[RPD Explorer]

I for one would like to see women take a more aggressive role in relationships. I wouldn't mind one bit if a girl came up to me and asked me out, and in terms of marriage, if proposed.

Mike

[Mitzi]

No, I don't think women should take the agressive approach. If a man wants to get married, he should tell her. That way, you know he's serious and not being pushed into it.
My husband propsed to me at the airport and then gave me my ring behind McCrory's Drug store by the dumpster. He's the romantic type! lol

[RPD Explorer]

Couldn't you go the other way then and say that if a man proposes to a woman, that the woman could be pushed into the marriage? Then that would mean that everyone would be in a stale mate, and nobody would ever get married...guess someone had better propose.

Mike

[Mitzi]

Well, I for one think that more women are eager to get married then men. I hate these "weddings" that are surprises. A man steps out of an elevator and there the woman is, in a wedding gown, with a pastor and he gets married without realizing what's going on.

[Neltja]

Imho, a woman should let a man know that she is interested but not in an aggresive manner. When I fall in love the man in question can purpose in a romantic setting or in a cow pasture, it would make no difference to me.

Nell

[JKT]

I don't mind a woman being a little aggressive, as (in person) I tend to be shy and have missed opportunities to get to know some very nice women due to this.

I also agree with Nell, if the circumstances are right, and there is good commmunication between the man and the woman, it doesn't matter where a proposal takes place. You will know when it's right.

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Optimistic pessimist: Hope for the best, but expect the worst.

Jack

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[Ken]

Abstaining from sex, bad idea. I for one would NOT supply a ring.
I was married once, and it was a sexless marriage for the most part. 2 times a month if I was lucky. Where I don't think that sex is the most important thing in a relationship or marriage, but it is still a major item.

Plus you test drive cars before you by right?
Same principle. Sometimes its fun to test drive a Jag before you purchase a Yugo.

[highwayman]

Abstaining from sex BEFORE marriage? Then what do you call it after you get hitched?

[kheya]

Well actually, I proposed to my husband...he said yes right away then actually got down on one knee in a restaurant after we bought the engagement ring and proposed to me.

We had 3 weddings. LOLOLOLOL.
One here for his family by a JP. One in India for my family by a Hindu preist. Then one last year to mark our 10th anniversary in our church (Episcopal) by our priest.

I guess he really wanted me, so no I don't feel that by proposing I pushed him into anything.

kheya

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My mind works like lightning. One brilliant flash and it is gone.

[Don]

Excellent Topic!

posted by blondie1) Do you think women should take an assertive role in: stating a desire for marriage, setting a date, abstaining from sex, and even proposing?

I see nothing wrong with a woman making her feelings about marriage known. If you have an

[kheya]

What can I say Don...even after being together for 14 years and married for 11 we are still very mushy...sigh.....guess I'm very lucky...nah...I know I'm very lucky

kheya

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My mind works like lightning. One brilliant flash and it is gone.

[Sandy]

Marriage is a partnership, not something a dominant person "bestows" on a less dominant person. This book sounds like it's advocating a manipulative approach to getting what you want (in this case, a marriage proposal). This may be fine in business or politics (as long as the actions are not illegal or unethical--ha ha), but in a relationship that's supposed to be the basis of a permanent partnership, I don't know...

Theoretically, there should be no difference whether the woman or the man proposes--each person should have a good idea of the other's suitability as a life-partner and either one should be able to broach the subject, but personally, I still like the old fashioned way (the man proposing). I hope I don't have to find out a second time--the first time was very nice.

My first date with my husband was a strenuous hike in the Rocky Mountains. We've done the same hike every year at the same time since then (his idea). On the sixth hike, he proposed on top of the mountain. He gave me an engagement ring and a buttercup that he picked. Half way down the mountain, there was (is) a rushing stream. He had secretly planted a bottle of Dom Perignon in the stream, and we toasted our engagement. Wonder what would have happened had I said no???

[GDenman]

Will be going to a wedding this weekend in Ft. Worth. The couple have been living together for over a year at the insistence of HER MOTHER! They were considering marriage but her mother suggested that the girl live with the boy for a year to see if they truly can get along.

I think it is alright for the girl to make her position on marriage known after a sufficient period of dating. Abstaining from sex is a personal choice for her & it depends on if she is just being sure & safe or whether she is using it as bait. If she is withholding to make the guy commit in the "heat of the moment", then that's wrong.

I proposed also while parking by the water, but with ring in hand & fully clothed. We had already been ring hunting so it wasn't a surprise.

[shooter1201]

My wife and I have been married 19 years TODAY. We dated for almost 3 years before marrying.

I proposed to her on Christmas Eve, 1980. She received her engagement ring while we were decorating the Christmas tree at her parent's house. I had been handing her ornaments, then I handed her her ring.