Officer in Trouble- Dad Needs Assistance

[BrickCop]

A friend/fellow officer I know is suffering some serious neurological health problems, which are worsening. Although no diagnosis has been made yet, there's a distinct possibility it could be ALS (Lou Gehrig's Disease- 100% fatal outcome).

He has a son and daughter under 6. In the event he dies he wants them to know him in more ways than just photos and stories from his wife. His fear is that he'll only be a blurred memory. He's worried during their teens they may harbor anger or bitterness over not knowing/growing up with their father. Any suggestions?

He has already written notes and has made some videotapes. He said that other than saying "I love you" to his family on the tapes he does not know what else to say. He wants his kids to see tapes as they grow and, into when they're teens/adults. He asked me what else he could say. Since there are a lot of Moms and Dads on this BB I'm asking you all. What advice or what would you say on those tapes? (Life lessons?Inspirational?Religous?).

Do you have any other suggestions on what he can do to help his kids remember their Dad?

Sorry for the heavy topic, but I can identify with his wish(kids)and want to help him out anyway possible.

I'll check ths daily and give him your thoughts. Thanks everyone.

[Quiet1]

How very sad. But that he can actually focus on doing something so positive for his childrens future is wonderful.

Why not have him think ahead to the milestones his children will face? They're very young, so there are lots of things ahead for them both: sports they may enter in school, entering middle school, becoming a teenager, entering high school, homecoming dances/prom, dating, getting their first license to drive, going to college, marriage, becoming a parent, etc. Maybe personalizing it slightly, by doing them separately for his son and daughter. He could walk them through life while holding their hands. I'm sure it would make them emotionally stronger as they get older to know their dad had such amazing ability to see into their futures.

And I'll say a prayer for your friend.

[CopInNY]

Tell him to watch "My Life" with Michael Keaton. He'll know what to do. My condolences, this is very sad.

[Mitzi]

Have him make a tape of advice for each stage of their lives. Reading childrens books to them at this age and giving advice all the way up to 30 years old. Have him talk to a psychologist about how to approach this.
God willing, this will not be a fatal disease. But, if it is, there will be so many times those kids will wish they could ask their Dad things. A psychologist could maybe talk to him about each stage of their lives and what questions they may ask a Dad at each age. Since he has a son, he might want to explain the facts of life to him at the appropriate age. A psychologist could help him form the questions and answers.
The BASIC thing they need to know is how dearly they will always be loved even if he isn't there. He needs to explain HOW MUCH he wanted to be there them but couldn't be, as hard as he tried.
Each child should have their own tapes and he should make as many as possible.
And the love should always be stressed.

[Mr.Orange]

BRICKCOP, I'm sorry to hear about your buddy. Its been said before, but he lives in the best State in the country. Ask him to video tape the sporting facilities, especially Fenway Park, along with the others. Maybe have him tape where he was born, up to the schools he went too. If that is possible. What a shame. Take care Brickcop, and wish your buddy the same.

[Mitzi]

The movie CopInNY said was so sad yet wonderful. Michael Keaton plays a Dad dying of cancer. He lives long enough to see his baby born and grow a bit. He made tapes for his son from baby all the way up to college and adulthood. You may get some good ideas from that movie.

[Eagle eye]

Dear Brickcop
If it was me, I would want my children to see everything that I do, from my job, to how I enjoy my time off, too what I would expect from them as children,(listen to your mother, be good in school)as young adults( knowing right from wrong)
and as adults(do better than I did )and to always remember that what ever you decide to do in life is okay as long as what you decide to do you give 100% hope this helps Happy New year>

[Frank Booth]

I'd write them a letter to be opened on each of their birthdays til they're about 60 or so. Maybe 50. But he'd have to give them to someone else so they wouldn't open them all at once....And put a few bucks in each letter....

[DesertRat]

My wife has videotaped individual tapes for each of the children and made scrapbook pages of her interaction with each of them individually as well as all of us together.

It got me kind of thinking (especially with three officer shootings in the last few weeks here) I should do something myself just in case. Nothing near as elaborate as her, but I wrote individual letters and put them in our lockbox. I'll undate them each year and hope i never need them.

[Snoopy1]

He could begin by telling them how he met their mother, how he felt when they were born, the things he did with each of them and as a family group. My grandchildren ask a lot of questions about what mommy was like when she was little and what life was like when I was their age. He could then proceed with advice for them as they grew older but stress the fact that he loves them. He should continue to do things with them as long as he can because they may actually have real memories of him some day.

Above all, I hope they find a cure for whatever he has so he can have many many years with them. He must be a great father. Otherwise, he wouldn't be thinking about doing this.

[ 01-01-2003, 01:44 PM: Message edited by: Snoopy1 ]

[Mitzi]

I have a letter written to our son that goes with our will. He is our only child so losing us would be prety hard. I just wanted him to know he was so loved and is in the hereafter.
I told him that, when times get hard, to know that God my shut a door but he always opens another.
I know we will all see each other again someday if something should happen.
It's a long, somtimes corny leter. But one written with much love from his Mother to him.

[Godside]

The more and more I think about this thread, the more I wonder about the mother of the children? If this officer and the mother are married, then maybe the mother talking to the children and discussing how great of a man their father was, maybe that could curb some of the rebellion by the children. If this officer and mother of the children are no longer together, but she will take care of the children (considering the worst may happen, which I certainly pray does not), I would have to hope that this woman would bury any issues with the father and encourage the children to still respect him. I believe that if this man cares enough to consider the future of the children and not himself (or his medical problems), then he is obviously someone to be respected.

Pictures, videos, notes/letters, inanimate objects, keepsakes, etc., may encourage the children to remember the man who cared for them. I will, no doubt, keep this in prayer.

Godside

[JKT]

Brickcop;

Everyone so far has given good ideas. Videotapes of him giving the advice that he would give them at differents stages of their lives would be thoughtful, as well as letters to them to be opened on birthdays, Holidays, etc.

A taped or written history of his life, how he met the kids' Mother, the differences they faced, how much he loves his children, etc.

Basically, videotape or record in some way anything and everything he can think of, even if it doesn't seem very important. As much information he can personally convey as possible.

Depending on his age, and the stage of the disease (if it is ALS), he may have a long time before he can't communicate anymore.

My best wishes to your friend.

My Father died of complications of ALS a little over 10 years ago.

[Guard Dog]

My father in law passed away from ALS so I am very familiar with it. I think the advice above is quite good. Video tapes, audio tapes and pictures will help both him and the children down the road. He should hit the history and personal detail they may ask someday.

When my dad died I was looking for the Will and other important papers. Inside his fireproof safe, he had left an audio tape for me. It was actually in a small tape recorder ready to play. In this 45 minute tape, he told about his life and told me not to grieve and that he loved us very much. I have copies of that tape and it helped very much.

My condolences for their grief and my prayers are that it is something less serious and all will be ok.

[ 01-01-2003, 10:58 PM: Message edited by: Guard Dog ]