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tell it, funniest bustin 'parkers' tales

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  • tell it, funniest bustin 'parkers' tales

    ok, so you'll have to bare with me on this. i'm a new guy and just got off my FTO rides, so stumbling on parkers for the first time was an absolute riot. not to mention it added a break to an otherwise uneventful patrol in my 3x4 mile AO.

    anyway, around 9:30pm i was creepin around in a secluded industrial section and spotted a suspicious vehicle so i turned off my lights and slowly pulled up on it (i still didn't know what was inside the car at this point), i then put on the spots and wallah!!!

    this couple had to have been in their fifties, and damn if these two didn't set the world record for the fastest dismount & clothe up routine.

    i'm sure they both had a spouses at home so i wasn't gonna add any more complications to their lives by making contact with them. the female looked like she was more than a willing participant, & above all certainly embarrassed. so i just gave 'em a thumbs up & got out of there.

    oh well, i hope at least they left giggling, feeling like they were teenagers again.

    so come on, there's gotta be some duzies out there to add to this?
    if you want to fly with the eagles by night, you have to wake up with the chickens in the morning.

  • #2
    One of my buddies stopped a suspicious vehicle last summer. 2 female occupants, 1 male. All parties involved were NUDE. At the time of the stop, 1 female was in back with the 1 male, going at it, hot and heavy. The driver said something about 'waiting her turn.'
    "When you guys get home and face an anti-war protester, look him in the eyes and shake his hand. Then, wink at his girlfriend, because she knows she's dating a *****."
    -Commanding General, 1st Marine Division

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    • #3
      Originally posted by shooter1201:
      One of my buddies stopped a suspicious vehicle last summer. 2 female occupants, 1 male. All parties involved were NUDE. At the time of the stop, 1 female was in back with the 1 male, going at it, hot and heavy. The driver said something about 'waiting her turn.'
      "waitin' her turn??" WOW!! i should be so lucky!! this guy is probably still smilin.
      I'll post, You argue.

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      • #4
        Well I think these were the "coolest" pair I ever saw.

        Late at night in the usual area where the "kids" went to park. I pulled in and this parked car was really "rocking!"

        I walked up to the car and shined the flashlight inside. They never slowed down. I tapped on the window, and the guy pointed to the dashboard where their ID's were. They STILL never slowed down.

        They were both of age, so I just backed away and let them keep a going!
        6P1 (retired)

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        • #5
          I don't know if this one really counts or not but, the vehicle was parked.

          While working the DEP job at the park with Kevin and Willie "Bull", (envision John from the Green Mile with a Jamacian accent), we spot a vehicle parked at the boat ramp parking lot flashing its lights, blowing the horn, and laughter. It was after midnight and just a bit too much noise.

          Well, we realize it's just kids and figured we'd walk down and scare 'em and tell them to leave. As we appoached the vehicle from the rear, Kevin approached on the drivers side and I approached on the passenger side simultaneously we both switched on our flashlights and said "What are you doing?" The three of them in the vehicle nearly hit the roof and didn't know which way to turn.

          Just as the driver was stampering something they felt the rear of the car go down a few inches, they all turned, looked out the rear window and saw Willie staring back at them leaning on the trunk at which point Willie said in his booming Jamacian accent voice: "WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY PARK!".

          They all screamed at the top of their lungs and then said, pointing towards the front of the car, "We're waiting for a friend!". We looked up and the only thing in front of the car besides trees was an outhouse.
          Moments later the door to the outhouse swings open and out into the light of the headlights walks this kid who is all desheveled and just looked a mess!

          Kevin asks: "What the he!! happened to you". And rather sheepishly the kid says: "I fell in". Eeeeewwwwwww.
          No, we didn't ask for I.D. we got out of there before the wind shifted!!

          Of course we also had our fair share of memorable sights similar to the ones mentioned in the previous posts.
          " Life's disappointments are harder to take when you don't know any swear words." - Calvin

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          • #6
            ROFLMAO

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            • #7
              From the other end of the spectrum, I was hooking up with a girl in the parking lot at Howard Comm Coll in Columbia, MD, when a security guard chased us away. Didn't wind up having sex with her ...

              ... which is a good thing, because we didn't have any condoms and I found out later she had never used them and had "faith" in fate to keep her free of STDs or pregnancy. Yikes.

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              • #8


                [ 07-17-2002: Message edited by: Legal Assistant ]
                This post has been rated PG-13 for your viewing pleasure.

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                • #9
                  I had many but this is the best. I was riding across the Mississippi River bridge 203 feet to the water an saw an apparent abanded car. I thought it might be a jumper. It was about 2am. I looked in the back seat and here is this nude couple. I asked what they were doing and they said riding, another guy had been driving an they had sex in the back seat and fell a sleep. To make a long story short the driver had jumped off the bridge because he was jealous because he was gay and his boy friend had sex with the girl in the back seat. We found all kinds of pictures of the 2 guys in nities in bed together, He was picked up by a passing tug boat with a broken leg. They had no idea he was gone or jumped off the bridge.
                  Stay safe and watch your back. Survived Katrina. Now a Official member of the Chocolate City Police.

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                  • #10
                    good lord!!

                    joseph, they told me at the academy that nothing will surprise you after a while because people do some ridiculous crap.
                    after reading the bridge story i'm beginning
                    to see the light.

                    that was great!

                    hopefully the jealous guy with the limp will be forgiving, and let it be just "water under the bridge".

                    ....yea, i know, that was bad. but i hear that phrase waaaay too much here in the midwest.

                    cheers!
                    if you want to fly with the eagles by night, you have to wake up with the chickens in the morning.

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                    • #11
                      Originally posted by The_Cleaner:
                      hopefully the jealous guy with the limp will be forgiving, and let it be just "water under the bridge".

                      ....yea, i know, that was bad.
                      I can't believe I fell for that! Maybe I shouldn't jump to conclusions. From now on, I'll just go with the flow.

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                      • #12
                        Oh you folks are BAAAAADDDDD
                        6P1 (retired)

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                        • #13
                          I pulled into this lot to tell this car to move along, when it became obvious I had interrupted a bit of foreplay between two teens. When I asked them what they thought they were doing, they young dude tells me, "Uh, Officer, we're just necking!" With that, I told him to get his neck back in his pants, and to get out of there!
                          Never make a drummer mad- we beat things for a living!

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