How do you cope?

[Mitzi]

These last 10 months have been hell on earth. My husband lost his job, our son had serious brain surgery that failed to stop his seizures, I got diabetes, I had to practically have a nervous breakdown to stop my son from driving with a revoked license, my husband had to have surgery.....
My husband is fine and has a good job. He's happy and smiling again. My son has accepted he can not drive and his company even worked out car pools for him so we don't have to drive him to work, which took 2 hours everyday. I'm dealing with my diabetes the best I can.
But I am still so traumatized. The dr put me on an antidepressant that seemed to be helping so much. But, today has been a bad day. I keep waiting for the next bad thing to happen because that has been the pattern since my son was 14 and they found a brain tumor.
Life is just too scary for me sometimes. I deal with it but I don't think my husband realizes I have a much hardr time dealing with life then he does. I guess I was just not given good coping skills. The only thing that comes close to helping is my valium and I can't stay on that very long.
What are your coping skills?

[BeatleFan]

Mitzi...it's just your turn, that's all. It seems as though when the **** hits the fan, it all hits at once. That is what is happening with my family, too.

How do I cope? Listening to The Beatles and Xanax.

[Future-Cop]

Have you considered professional counceling? With all you have been through, having someone to talk to and offer ideas on how to deal with it would probably be a good idea.

[Mitzi]

Oh, I have been in counseling for 12 years but my wonderful therapist just retired.. I don't know where I would be now without her. I still have to find my own way now, though. Never undersetimate what abuse does to a person. I suffered so many years of emotional abuse from my mother, I was a total mess when I first went to her.
I have come a long way but my son gtting sick knocked my feet out from under me and I have yet to really be able to get up. I ams stronger then I know but came close to a nervous breakdown over it.
I always survive but I sure hate my bad days.

[Snoopy1]

I have been through more than one stressful situation during my life. My means of coping varied with the problem.

There was my unhappy childhood on the farm. All I could do was wait for time to pass so I could get out of there, get a job and support myself.

Then there was my unhappy marriage. I won't go into all the details but my husband was the type that could be fine for a couple of months until something happened that upset him. His method of coping was to get drunk and by the time he sobered up someone else had solved the problem. He had another weakness but it's something I don't wish to talk about here. Finally I couldn't take it any longer so I filed for divorce.

Then there was the "raise the children alone" phase. Strangely, that was the happiest time of my life although obviously I had problems. The tough part was when they grew up and started moving out.

I am retired now and live near two of my children and three of my grandchildren. It has been the most stress free period of my life.

As to coping, one thing that has helped me is to just sit down and think about the people who have been worse off than I have. I have had a job when a lot of people haven't, I had the help of my parents when my children were small, the kids and I were always in good health other than the flu, etc., which everyone gets, and my parents both died without ever knowing about my ex-husband"s "other weakness". Most of all, I knew God would help me find a solution eventually.

Another thing that helped was taking lengthy vacations with my kids when they were small. There is something very therapeutic about just getting away from the boss and the daily routine.

I am usually a reserved sort of person and don't use so many words to express my thoughts. It's not so embarrassing when people don't know my name and can't find me. My methods may not work for you since our problems are so different, but that's what worked for me.

[klar]

I can cope with just about anything by remaining calm and looking at it as a challenge to what I want to do. I look at how bad it is or how bad it can be and then look to see how it can be worse. Then I will start to look for all the positive things in it. Like still breathing or still having food and shelter. There is always a silver linning in everything you just have to look hard for it and hold on to the hope that nomatter how bad it gets it can always be worse and it will get better.

Klar

[jellybean40]

I had a couple weird times in my life that shaped how i cope with stress nowadays. first off, during the first year of my marriage, when i was on cloud nine and everything was going fantastic, we were re-doing a house, decorating, having fun, everthing felt so GOOD, something horrible happened (something my husband did) that was so crushing, it did something to me and after that every time i felt really great happiness, i got this horrible feeling in the pit of my stomach, like what bad thing was going to ruin it. that still happens now and then.

another point in my life, after i was divorced, i had about 5 huge stresses happen in my life at once. i was taken out of work for 2 weeks and put on xanax, which worked great...for 2 weeks!

what i finally learned, and still works for me, is to NOT think/worry about things, unless its at a time when you can sit down and actually DO something about that worry. even if its writing a list, ideas, whatever. when i am out having fun, i dont worry about the truck not running, the stresses at my job, my sick family members...when i'm working, if i have to daydream (which i usually do to pass the time lol) i think about good things ( ) or make plans for fun.

dont EVER lay in bed and worry. force yourself to put your mind at rest and you will fall asleep so easily. i do still take st johns wort 3x a day, and plenty of fresh air and sunshine, and a walk every day can help do the trick.

i feel like it eventually is something you have to find within yourself, and help yourself. nobody else can really do it for us.

this is just my experience.

***and let me add something else, allow yourself to be happy and have fun. if you find yourself laughing or enjoying something, dont stop and think that you shouldnt, because of all the "bad" things going on in your life. have fun again.

[ 04-09-2002: Message edited by: jellybean40 ]

[Joseph]

Mitzi, you know my problems. Klar's answer sounds pretty good. I go to this little town in Mississippi where I own another house Population about 100 the rest are weekend people from New Orleans. They have a lot of beach on the Gulf of Mexico. I might sound wierd but I sleep on the beach listen to the waves and look for falling stars to I fall asleep. Alone. The flip side is to be with each one of my grandchildren and take them some where to spend some quality time with them. Then I also go visit the kids all grown on the weekends some time and aggravate them like they aggravated me all my life. I think that's the most uplifting of all. Especially inviting myself for dinner. Taking the grandchildren and spoiling the hell out of them when the kids want to go out for the night also works. Like Klar said though seriosly there will be a silver lining somewhere down the road and they say God never gives you more than you can handle. I been pretty stessed but that's what I live by he won't give me more than I can handle. Hang in there girl and keep writing because you got a lot of people here that will keep on listening and cares about you. Hope tommorrow is better.