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FOOTBALL SOUTHERN STYLE!

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  • FOOTBALL SOUTHERN STYLE!

    Here is another funny.....it is kinda long!

    _____________________________

    FOOTBALL-SOUTHERN STYLE

    Women's Accessories:

    NORTH: ChapStick in back pocket and a $20 bill in the front pocket.

    SOUTH: Louis Vuitton duffel with two lipsticks, waterproof mascara, and a
    fifth of bourbon. Money not necessary - that's what dates are for.

    Stadium Size:

    NORTH: College football stadiums hold 20,000 people.

    SOUTH: High school football stadiums hold 20,000 people.

    Fathers:

    NORTH: Expect their daughters to understand Sylvia Plath.

    SOUTH: Expect their daughters to understand pass interference.

    Campus Decor:

    NORTH: Statues of founding fathers.

    SOUTH: Statues of Heisman trophy winners.

    Homecoming Queen:

    NORTH: Also a physics major.

    SOUTH: Also Miss America.

    Heroes:

    NORTH: Rudy Guliani

    SOUTH: Archie & Peyton Manning

    Getting Tickets:

    NORTH: 5 days before the game you walk into the ticket office on campus and purchase tickets.

    SOUTH: 5 months before the game you walk into the ticket office on campus and put name on waiting list for tickets.

    Friday Classes After a Thursday Night Game:

    NORTH: Students and teachers not sure they're going to the game, because they have classes on Friday.

    SOUTH: Teachers cancel Friday classes because they don't want to see the few hungover students that might actually make it to class.

    Parking:

    NORTH: An hour before game time, the University opens the campus for game parking.

    SOUTH: RVs sporting their school flags begin arriving on Wednesday for the weekend festivities. The really faithful arrive on Tuesday.

    Game Day:

    NORTH: A few students party in the dorm and watch ESPN on TV.

    SOUTH: Every student wakes up, has a beer for breakfast, and rushes over to where ESPN is broadcasting "Game Day Live" to get on camera and wave to the idiots up north who wonder why "Game Day Live" is never broadcast from their campus.

    Tailgating:

    NORTH: Raw meat on a grill, beer with lime in it, listening to local radio station with truck tailgate down.

    SOUTH: 30-foot custom pig-shaped smoker fires up at dawn. Cooking accompanied by live performance by "Dave Matthews' Band," who come over during breaks and ask for a hit off bottle of bourbon.

    Getting to the Stadium:

    NORTH: You ask "Where's the stadium?" When you find it, you walk right in.

    SOUTH: When you're near it, you'll hear it. On game day it becomes the state's third largest city.

    Concessions:

    NORTH: Drinks served in a paper cup, filled to the top with soda.

    SOUTH: Drinks served in a plastic cup, with the home team's mascot on it, filled less than half way with soda, to ensure enough room for bourbon.

    When National Anthem is Played:

    NORTH: Stands are less than half full, and less than half of them stand up.

    SOUTH: 100,000 fans, all standing, sing along in perfect four-part harmony.

    The Smell in the Air After the First Score:

    NORTH: Nothing changes.

    SOUTH: Fireworks, with a touch of bourbon.

    Commentary (Male):

    NORTH: "Nice play."

    SOUTH: "Dammit, you slow sumb***h - tackle him and break his legs."

    Commentary (Female):

    NORTH: "My, this certainly is a violent sport."

    SOUTH: "Dammit, you slow sumb***h - tackle him and break his legs."

    Announcers:

    NORTH: Neutral and paid.

    SOUTH: Announcer harmonizes with the crowd in the fight song, with a tear in his eye because he is so proud of his team.

    After the Game:

    NORTH: The stadium is empty way before the game ends.

    SOUTH: Another rack of ribs goes on the smoker. While somebody goes to the nearest package store for more bourbon, planning begins for next week's
    game.

    Nothing else in the universe comes even halfway close to the glories of Southern football . . .

    "Life breaks us all and afterwards some are strong at the broken places."
    --Ernest Hemingway, A Farewell to Arms

  • #2
    And this is from a Californian. Ya aint really form Cali are ya?

    Comment


    • #3
      I love it Grace! You must have visited the south during football season!! [Wink]
      In valor there is hope - Tacitus

      Comment


      • #4
        Actually, I was born in Southern Mississippi but raised in Louisiana about 30 miles west of Baton Rouge!

        I have been and will ALWAYS be a Tiger and Saint fan!

        Football truly is a religion down there!!!!!!

        "Life breaks us all and afterwards some are strong at the broken places."
        --Ernest Hemingway, A Farewell to Arms

        Comment


        • #5
          Absoultely! What Tiger do you mean? The only one I can think of is Auburn.
          I like Auburn Tigers, Tenn Vols, Georgia Dogs, and of course.... Florida St Seminoles!
          In valor there is hope - Tacitus

          Comment


          • #6
            OOOOOPPPPPSSSSS,

            Louisiana State University Tigers who by the way defeated those Florida Gators convincingly yesterday! [Wink] [Wink]
            "Life breaks us all and afterwards some are strong at the broken places."
            --Ernest Hemingway, A Farewell to Arms

            Comment


            • #7
              My apologies.... I forgot about the LA Tigers.. I guess I got to much sun today! (it should have rung a bell since you said you were from LA..duh!)
              In valor there is hope - Tacitus

              Comment


              • #8
                You forgot one thing. In the south the girls dress like Brittney Spears and are hot babes.

                Comment


                • #9
                  And we all like to jump up and down and cheer for our favorite team! [Wink]

                  I must say however, I do not dress like Britany Spears. She is such a hoooooooe. One day she will grow up and see what it is like to be a real woman!
                  In valor there is hope - Tacitus

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    My kid's got a poster of Britany on his bedrom wall.

                    She sure looks like a "real woman" to me !
                    "The American People will never knowingly adopt Socialism. Under the name of "liberalism" they will adopt every segment of the socialist program,until one day America will be a socialist nation without knowing how it happened."

                    Norman Thomas

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Watchman, watchman, watchman *shaking head in shame*
                      I can't believe that. I bet he stays up all night going [Eek!] at her (well, you know.)

                      Poor child will need counseling, get ready!
                      In valor there is hope - Tacitus

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        Shorty...

                        Nowadys you just gotta be glad that your boys like WOMEN ! [Wink]
                        "The American People will never knowingly adopt Socialism. Under the name of "liberalism" they will adopt every segment of the socialist program,until one day America will be a socialist nation without knowing how it happened."

                        Norman Thomas

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          LOL!

                          Watchman, that one may be enough to turn him!
                          In valor there is hope - Tacitus

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            Tigers? No, no, no, it's not Tigers, it's Lions, Nittany Lions.
                            Government is not the solution to our problem; government is the problem. - Ronald Reagan

                            I don't think It'll happen in the US because we don't trust our government. We are a country of skeptics, raised by skeptics, founded by skeptics. - Amaroq

                            Comment

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