Domestic violence

[Mitzi]

My son has some friends that have been married less then a year. My son came to me and said that he is concerned because she is the one abusing him. They seem like a delightful young couple but he said all is not well behind the scenes. He said he has seen bruises,black eyes and scratches on the husband of the pair. I have not see this yet. He said he has had to get in between them and stop fights.
He said that the husband (my son's best friend) says she comes after him with the car keys.
Last night, this couple came over and took him out to dinner. They know he can't drive and have been very nice about taking him places without being asked.
He said they went back to their apartment. I suspect they may drink but I'm not sure. My son is crazy if he does but, at age 25, he isn't a little boy anymore.
Anyway, he said he heard angry words from their bedroom that esclated. He got there in times to see her go after the husband's face with her car keys. He said he did stop her and did take the keys from her.
I told him he should call the police because this is domestic violence. He said he just couldn't do that to his "best friend". I told him it sounds like the wife has an uncontrollable temper. She always goes after her husband's face with slaps, punches and car keys. I asked my son if he was waiting for her to pick up a gun and start shooting when he was there. He still says "it's none of his business".
I don't know what to say to him.

[klar]

I can see his point that he does not want to get involved. I think if he does get more involved he is going to lose a friend. He needs to talk to his friend about what is going on and if his friend has sought any help about his wifes anger. Getting her into a anger management clas might be the answer but I do not know. One thing is clear however and that is sooner or later the police are going to be involved and whether it is just a battery case or something more severe is a wait and see. I think you should tell your son is to try and not get too involved for she may start to assault or even batter him. If I was him I would advise a police officer or a social services worker to see what kind of help is out there for his friend.

Klar

[Darth Tang]

Generally, a State's FV provisions will only kick in once violence occurs; your son should either call the next time he sees/hears the disturbance in progress; otherwise, write off his friend and go about his business. DV is a deep-set circumstance, both in the abuser and the abused. From what you have described the cycle of violence has already escalated into the first stage, where the victim is least receptive to outside intervention. The odds are, that marriage is doomed, and will die a lingering death. Best for him to stand clear.

[Joseph]

I think your son should have a talk with the friend and after that let the friend who is the victim decide his next move. If he desires not to get help then your son should not invovle himself in the situation.

[Mitzi]

My concern is that my son will be present in the future when the violence gets so bad, she pulls a knife or a gun. We talked last night and I suggested that he have a talk with his friend or, hopefully, bring his friend to talk with me. I am aware this escalates. I just hope he isn't in denial. Denial is a hard thing for anyone to break into. It's a defense mechanism, a mental one. My own husband was in it until recently about my son's medical condition. He simply could not accept it so, therefore, it did not exist.
Only when a GOOD doctor stepped in and dealt with him and I almost had a nervous breakdown did things change.