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To women everywhere...

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  • To women everywhere...

    (Please don't take offense. The opinions stated here do not necessarily reflect those of this writer. Well, not in EVERY case. I'm only passing on what someone else wrote from a man's point-of-view.)

    Learn to work the toilet seat. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us griping about you leaving it down.

    All men see in only 16 colors. Peach is a fruit, not a color.

    If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys.

    If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us. We refuse to answer.

    Don't cut your hair. Ever. Long hair is always more attractive than short hair. One of the big reasons guys fear getting married is that married women always cut their hair, and by then you're stuck with her.

    Birthdays, anniversaries, and Valentine's Day are not quests to see if we can find the perfect present yet again.

    If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.

    Sometimes, we're not thinking about you. Live with it. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as navel lint, the shotgun formation, or monster trucks.

    Sunday = Sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.

    Shopping is not a sport, and no, we're never going to think of it that way.

    When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine. Really. You have enough clothes. You have too many shoes.

    Crying is blackmail. Ask for what you want. Let's be clear on this one: Subtle hints don't work. Strong hints don't work. Really obvious hints don't work. Just say it!

    No, we don't know what day it is. We never will. Mark anniversaries on the calendar. And first time we met, first date, first kiss, etc., do not count as anniversaries.

    Peeing standing up is more difficult. We're bound to miss sometimes.

    Most guys own three pairs of shoes. What makes you think we'd be any good at choosing which pair, out of thirty, would look good with your dress?

    Yes and no are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

    Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

    A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.

    Foriegn films are best left to foriegners. (Unless it's Jackie Chan or some war flick where it doesn't matter what they're saying anyway.)

    Check your oil.

    It is neither in your best interest nor ours to take the quiz together. No, it doesn't matter which quiz.

    Anything we said six months ago is inadmissible in an arguement. All comments become null and void after seven days. If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of those ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.

    Let us ogle. We're going to look anyway, it's genetic.

    You can either tell us to do something or tell us how to do something, but not both.

    Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.

    If it itches, it will be scratched.

    Beer is as exciting for us as handbags are for you.

    If we ask what's wrong and you say "nothing", we will act like nothing is wrong. We know you're lying, but it's just not worth the hassle.

    Thank you for reading this. Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight, but did you know we really don't mind that? It's like camping.


  • #2
    Hey Pigskin, do you know anyone down at the Woodville P.D.? East Texas boudain is better than Louisiana boudain!
    TRAVIS ED WILLIAMS
    Police Officer
    Mesquite, Texas, P.D.
    Mesquite, TX
    Date of Death: 09/23/1974

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    • #3
      I'm not touching this one I'm in enough s$it already.
      Stay safe and watch your back. Survived Katrina. Now a Official member of the Chocolate City Police.

      Comment


      • #4
        Besides the pansy disclaimer you added at the top, it is GREAT!



        (bring on the flames!_)
        Education is nothing without experience to back it up.

        Comment


        • #5
          Piggy,

          For every action, there's a reaction. Just know we women still luv you. Enjoy.

          1. How many honest, intelligent, caring men in the world does it take to do the dishes? Both of them.

          2. Why did the man cross the road?
          He heard the chicken was a slut.

          3. Why does it take 1 million sperm to fertilize one egg?
          They won't stop and ask for directions.

          4. How does a man show that he is planning for the future?
          He buys two cases of beer.

          5. What is the difference between men and government bonds?
          The bonds eventually will mature.

          6. Why are blonde jokes so short?
          So men can remember them.

          7. How many men does it take to change a roll of toilet paper?
          We don't know. It has never happened.

          8. Why is it difficult to find men who are sensitive, caring and good looking?
          They all already have boyfriends.

          9. What do you call a woman who knows where her husband is every night?
          A widow.

          10. When do you care for a man's company?
          When he owns it.

          11. Why are married women usually heavier than single women?
          Single women come home, see what's in the fridge and go to bed, married women come home, see what's in the bed and go to the fridge.

          12. How do you get a man to do sit-ups?
          Tape the remote control between his toes.

          13. What did God say after creating man?
          "I must be able to do better than THAT!".

          14. What did God say after creating Eve?
          "Practice makes perfect".

          15. What is the one thing that all men at singles bars have in common?
          They're all married.

          16. Man says to God, "God, why did you make woman so beautiful? "God says, "So you would love her." "But God," the man says, "why did you make her so dumb? "God says, "So she would love you!".

          I know my post should have been posted in the joke section, and I was going to put it there last night but nevever got around to it. I just thought it was an appropriate response to Piggy's post.

          [ 03-06-2002: Message edited by: kateykakes ]

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          • #6
            Kate-you're so vicious!

            Pigskin was just trying to express the angst of the overburdened male in today's society!

            You're so unnappreciative!
            People have more fun than anybody.

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            • #7
              Loved the response, Katey. We have a joke section? See, that's another thing about men. We see the words but apparantly don't read them.

              You know, a couple of those things are not all that true. I counted how many pairs of shoes I own & came up with 14. Now that takes in house shoes, golf shoes, softball shoes, 2 pair of tennis shoes, basketball shoes, 2 pair of sandals, work boots, water boots, along with three pair of dress shoes & one pair of cowboy boots.

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              • #8
                katey -- what exactly are you trying to say?
                I'll post, You argue.

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                • #9
                  That was excellent Katey.
                  "To each his own"

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                  • #10
                    Originally posted by SGT Dave:
                    [QB]Kate-you're so vicious!QB]
                    Dave, you haven't seen vicious yet!

                    Piggy, I should be embarrassed to say I own a lot more than 30 pairs of shoes. Therapy for me when I'm bummed out is going to the shoe store.

                    Nickie, you know I luv ya's! Smooooooches to you guys

                    <takes a bow> Thank you, thank you, ft! I've got a million of them. Anytime you feel the need to throw one out at a male, lemme know and I'll send them to you.

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                    • #11
                      Katey--That was wonderful! You have a vicious streak....I like that! Keep them on their toes...
                      "Sometimes, I guess there just aren't enough rocks." -Forrest Gump

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                      • #12
                        What? Oh that. Yeah I read it have read it beofre big deal. Men and women will always go round and round over many things but I will just sit here and watch it going on. A lot can be said about both and it is redundant to keep rehashing it all. Just my opinion though.

                        Klar
                        Are you a Veteran? If so join AMVETS the only organization that accepts all vets no matter when or where they served. Contact me for more info.

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                        • #13
                          Oh come on Klar it just fun. Us ladies can handle it.
                          "To each his own"

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                          • #14
                            LOL never said it was not fun just that it would be easy for this turn int oa flame on either side. I like to think that most of us know the difference between males and females and that no matter how much we study the other side we will never be able to fully understand them.

                            Klar
                            Are you a Veteran? If so join AMVETS the only organization that accepts all vets no matter when or where they served. Contact me for more info.

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                            • #15
                              klar,

                              Are you just a bit grumpy? I promise you, it's all in fun.

                              BTW, looks can be deceiving. I'm not as vicious as you guys think. Just ask Blue23.

                              Comment

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