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  • I need some advice from friends...

    I just got in from a 3 hour long meeting with the principal. It seems that at a ballgame last night, written death threats were made against my daughter by one of the 2 girls involved.

    While I was there, I had him call this girls' mother. At first she didn't want to come, but when she arrived, she immediately began making accusations against my daughter, even claiming that my daughter called in a bomb threat to her office around 11PM last night. So...I have my Chief checking into this for me(it's another jurisdiction). The audacity of this 'lady' amazes me.

    What I intended to be a civil discussion rapidly deteriorated, with the last words from the woman's mouth being 'If you punish my daughter, I'll see you in court.', being directed to the principal.

    At that point, I told the principal point blank that IF any student physically attacks my daughter while at school, she WILL defend herself(she has 2 black belts but has shown great restraint) and she will NOT be punished for doing so. SOP is to suspend BOTH parties if a 'fight' occurs at school.

    This WHOLE thing is a CLEAR case of jealousy. This woman is jealous of the FACT that my daughter has skills and talents that her daughters do not and it infuriates her. So far, she has encouraged them to be slanderous and malicious at school regarding my daughter, and has encouraged others to do so.

    I'm confident that my daughter isn't in any actual physical danger, but the emotional distress and resulting physical stress brought on by all this is wearing her down.

    She NEVER speaks ill of anyone(that's why she is having such a hard time dealing with being a 'target', because SHE would never do such a thing to anyone else) matter how much she would like to, due to the fact that she wasn't raised that way. This shows at school among her friends. She IS more popular at school due to her DECENT behavior...and these girls HATE her for that popularity.

    On top of all this, I find out that my family attorney has a 'conflict' with regards to taking any suit that may arise from all this. It seems he is a friend(long time ago) to this woman's current husband.

    I haven't read my horoscope for today yet, but I BET it says 'Do not get out of bed'.....

    [ 11-03-2001: Message edited by: shooter1201 ]
    "When you guys get home and face an anti-war protester, look him in the eyes and shake his hand. Then, wink at his girlfriend, because she knows she's dating a *****."
    -Commanding General, 1st Marine Division

  • #2
    I need some advice from friends...

    For the past several months(since school started), my daughter has been going through hell. She's a LOT like me, in that she NEVER asks for help, preferring to fight her own battles, but...

    Remember the movie about the Texas cheerleader's mom that wanted to insure HER daughter's place on the squad by eliminating the 'competition'? My daughter's living that now, courtesy of 2 girls on the squad and their mom.

    My daughter is a Senior this year, has a 98.4GPA, is Captain of her cheer squad, has 3 black belts, was voted 'Most Popular' and 'Most Beautiful', narrowly missed being selected as 'Miss AHS'....and has lost 2 dress sizes in 3 months, is afraid to go to sleep and has her boyfriend 'checking her car' every day after school. When I left her at home this past Saturday AM, she asked me to leave a pistol for her...'just in case'. She knows how to shoot, but has shown minimal interest in firearms.

    Last week, two girls, whose job it is to 'spot/catch' when other girls climb, decided it might be 'fun' NOT to catch my daughter from a 12-foot 'cradle toss'. As a result, my daughter landed flat on her back from a height of 12+ feet. Fortunately, they were on a gymnastics tumbling mat.

    The girls were overheard discussing, afterwards, that they thought it was funny. Witnesses said they made NO attempt to catch my daughter. One cheerleader said she heard these girl's mom ridicule them for NOT 'stomping' on my daughter as she lay on the floor afterwards.

    This mom has since threatened my daughter with retaliation if her 2 daughters are disciplined by contacting 'friends' at the university(Mississippi State) where my daughter is planning on attending, and 'seeing to it' that she doesn't make their cheer squad. NOW she's not only screwing with her day-to-day life, but her future.

    We've already talked to an attorney and have been told that we can't do 'anything'...yet. He is familiar with the woman in question and described her as 'crazy'.

    ANYway....a trip to the ER showed no permanent damage, though she is on a couple of heavy meds for pain. I'm having her scheduled for an MRI(to check for muscle/ligament/tendon damage) this week to see if the ER doctors missed anything.

    As she is my little girl and only child, I know what I *WANT* to do.... can I help my daughter?
    "When you guys get home and face an anti-war protester, look him in the eyes and shake his hand. Then, wink at his girlfriend, because she knows she's dating a *****."
    -Commanding General, 1st Marine Division


    • #3
      Is there anything you can do as a LEO? And do they know you are one? If not, just them knowing might deter the harrassment. Good luck!
      "To each his own"


      • #4

        Unfortunately this is probably not good advice because I am a cougar when it comes to my cub. The advantage I would have in this situation over you is that I can confront a woman if I choose to without being called a "woman beater".

        1. I would confront this woman with plenty of witnesses around. I would make sure she knows I am not taking this lying down! If someone messes with my child they mess with me... and they will. Your daughter could have been seriously injured!!!!

        2. If you are worried about the university then call them.... the guidance center and explain the situation... then they know ahead of time should this happen.

        3. I would demand the school she now attends address the issue. What if 4 months down the road her back starts hurting? What if they do other pranks? I would put in writing everything and send it to the school board (if you have them). I would notify the police and have it on record.

        MOST IMPORTANT... I would talk to my daughter and ask her what she wants me to do and tell her what I want to do. I would search out how she feels about the situation. I would take her to your family docor to determine what counselling is necessary. She needs help, the family Doctor is the best place to start. I just want to add that while you may have already taken her to your family doctor ensure she knows its not just for the physical injuries but for the psychological. She sounds like she needs crisis intervention and again, your family doctor is the best place to start.

        I would talk to her on a daily basis. I would ensure that she does not go to school at all if there is ANY threat to her safety.

        There is a difference between the "normal growing up" antics that kids go through and letting someone drop 12 feet and then want to stomp on her...and that could have resulted in critical injury!

        I don't mean to sound so aggressive but there is nothing more important in life then your kids!

        [ 11-04-2001: Message edited by: wonderwoman ]


        • #5
          Shooter are you teaching at the school she attends?
          6P1 (retired)


          • #6
            It's a tough situation, for sure. But, you have her physical safety to consider, shooter.
            I would do what WW said. Your daughter is probably pretty scared and I don't blame her. It is the University's job to protect her. I hope you are giving them everything in writing and keeping copies for yourself.
            I know it's hard. But, bottomline, your daughter feels threatened and has already been hurt. She deserves to feel as safe as possible. The school and guidance department should do all they can do.
            Ask your attorney about these girls and the mother being handed his card if anything else happens. It might back them off when they see you are involved also. Sometimes, just another parent knowing kind of halts these things. Check with the legal department of your agency. Maybe they can help. It's a fine line for you as a parent and as a police officer.
            Bottomline, it's her safety involved here. She's scared and that's all anyone needs to know. Pressure the school for help. And let us know how it's going.


            • #7
              I teach in the same system, but in a different school. My wife teaches at my daughter's school and is in the VERY uncomfortable position of being cheerleader sponsor(she tried to catch her, but couldn't).

              This 'lady' is a nurse, the wife of a local physician and a chronic gambler, hitting the casinos often.

              BTW..she knows I'm a cop, but she lives in a different jurisdiction.

              [ 11-04-2001: Message edited by: shooter1201 ]
              "When you guys get home and face an anti-war protester, look him in the eyes and shake his hand. Then, wink at his girlfriend, because she knows she's dating a *****."
              -Commanding General, 1st Marine Division


              • #8
                But do you have friends in her jurisdiction? And i like WW would protect mine to the end but i have a feeling that you would end up in court with the charges being on you. I would try to get a lawyer that can get the other cheerleaders that dropped her on some charge. Maybe with a good court proceeding and bringing all the harrassment issues in front of a judge, might be just what cures the whole thing. Or i would pull my daughter out of that school and charge the school with neglect. Neglect to keep your daughter safe from other students who wish to harm her and have in the past. I would find a good doctor that can let the judge know your daughters physical and mental well being are affected by the trauma of being dropped 12 feet. Again good luck!
                "To each his own"


                • #9
                  I can't believe the two girls involved were not disciplined in some way, like kicked out of school! I homeschool so I don't have any answers, but I would be very aggressive in taking care of this. She could have been KILLED. BTW, please take her to a chiropractor to be checked out asap, even in all her other medical reports turn out fine.


                  • #10
                    Shooter, I know working in the same system may make it a little more difficult and with your wife in her position it may be very difficult. But you DO have the right to make one hell of a lot of noise at the school district over this. And I would talk to another attorney.

                    You can't just let this go. But don't get your butt in a jamb by doing what you would like to do either.
                    6P1 (retired)


                    • #11
                      This will be presented to my daughter's principal by 'yours truly' tomorrow morning:

                      Dear Mr. *******,

                      This letter is to inform you of what will be done regarding the harassment, slander, mental and physical abuse my daughter has been victim of while a student at ***.

                      To address this problem, the following will be done:

                      1) Advise all parties involved in the above mentioned harassment of my daughter that they will immediately cease all harassment, both verbal and physical.
                      2) That the adult involved will cease all verbal harassment and threats of retaliation against my daughter.
                      3) The school administration will conduct a thorough investigation(including interviews with all persons present) into the ‘accident’ whereby my daughter was injured during cheerleader practice.

                      If these conditions are not carried out, the following will happen:

                      1) All parties involved in the continued verbal and physical harassment of my daughter will be named in a civil suit.
                      2) Criminal charges of ‘making terroristic threats’ will be levied against all involved parties.
                      3) Charges of negligence will be brought against ***, its administration and the ****** County School Board in a civil suit.

                      These conditions are not negotiable.


                      The Parents of ******

                      [ 11-05-2001: Message edited by: shooter1201 ]
                      "When you guys get home and face an anti-war protester, look him in the eyes and shake his hand. Then, wink at his girlfriend, because she knows she's dating a *****."
                      -Commanding General, 1st Marine Division


                      • #12
                        I think that will probably help, shooter. When they see you are not going to just let this fade into the woodwork and that you mean business, my bet is they will back down. Does you daughter have any friends that will be witnesses of anything they see or hear from here on out?
                        I'd keep close tabs on her for awhile and try to assure her safety. I really do think these people will back down now but it's best to be careful. I know your daughter is probably pretty upset and will be probably til the end of school.
                        What a crummy thing they did to her.


                        • #13

                          As I "caught up" reading down the posts, I was thinking "civil action" against the girls/parents/school, but ftrphxcop hinted at that, and your letter specifies it. I can't add much.

                          I will say that the school will probably try to play this down, but (and this is a rare benefit of todays litigation crazy society) ultimately, THEY are responsible for ensuring her safety, liability "waivers" not withstanding. This is even more credible after they've been given notice of the problem.

                          Believe me, I know-schools will try to "circle the wagons" and close ranks and downplay this, but I would address it to one person in particular-principal, adminsitrator, super, etc.-"this IS a real issue, and I WILL NOT allow you to downplay it-I hold YOU personally responsible for seeing to this."

                          In that sense, it is unfortunate you and your wife work for the system-they may try to make it hard on you.

                          On a lighter note, if you end up with a bunch of legal bills, I'm willing to buy your guns at $.20 on the dollar. You know, that's what friends are for...
                          People have more fun than anybody.


                          • #14
                            I am not sure what the laws are in TN, but here in TX you could files charges if "intent" could be proved. You talked to an attorney? Was this a private attorney or District Attorney? Talk to the DA and your local PD. They should be able to tell you what criminal charges, if any, could be filed.
                            Good luck, I have a 15 year old with similiar "jealous" friends.
                            "You have the right to remain silent. USE IT!!"

                            "I wouldn't believe you if your tongue was notarized". Judge M. Milian


                            • #15
                              The DA might be the best one to go to. We had a friend of our sons acuse HIM of a crime but they could not prove it. Their son had our sons $800 speakers he foolishly lent him and the parents told us they were not returing them them because they felt our son had trashed their sons truck, even tho it couldn't be proved. My son talked to the DA's office. We sent a registered letter saying we expected the speakers back, in good condition, before a cerain date or we went to mediation or court. Worked like a charm.


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