Tweet
Cutting Back On Cops. EEK
I hope your Dept does not treat you the same as mine....Read this......
MEMO TO ALL EMPLOYEES
As a result of the reduction of money budgeted for department areas,
we are forced to cut down on our number of personnel.
Under this plan, older employees will be asked to take early
retirement, thus permitting the retention of younger people who
represent our future.
Therefore, a program to phase out older personnel by the end of the
current fiscal year, via retirement, will be placed into effect immediately.
This program will be known as SLAP (Sever Late-Aged Personnel).
Employees who are SLAPPED will be given the opportunity to look for
jobs outside the company
SLAPPED employees can request a review of their employment records
before actual retirement takes place.
This review phase of the program is called SCREW (Survey of
Capabilities of Retired Early Workers)
All employees who have been SLAPPED and SCREWED may file an appeal
with upper management
This appeal is called SHAFT (Study by Higher Authority Following
Termination)
Under the terms of the new policy, an employee may be SLAPPED once,
SCREWED twice, but may be SHAFTED as many times as the company deems
appropriate.
If an employee follows the above procedure, he/she will be entitled to
get HERPES (Half Earnings for Retired Personnel's Early Severance) or
CLAP, (Combined Lump-sum Assistance Payment).
As HERPES and CLAP are considered benefit plans, an employee who has
received HERPES or CLAP will no longer be SLAPPED or SCREWED by
the company.
Management wishes to assure the younger employees who remain on
board that the company will continue its policy of training employees
through our Special High Intensity Training (****).
We take pride in the amount of **** our employees receive. We have
given our employees more **** than any company in this area.
If any employee feels they do not receive enough **** on the job,
see your immediate supervisor. Your supervisor is specially trained to
make sure you receive all the **** you can stand.
And, once again, thanks for all your years of service with us.
The Management
I guess theres just no place for us old guys anymore Huh?
Well I have been in the **** program many times before I guess I can handle it again..
Stay Safe out there.
MEMO TO ALL EMPLOYEES
As a result of the reduction of money budgeted for department areas,
we are forced to cut down on our number of personnel.
Under this plan, older employees will be asked to take early
retirement, thus permitting the retention of younger people who
represent our future.
Therefore, a program to phase out older personnel by the end of the
current fiscal year, via retirement, will be placed into effect immediately.
This program will be known as SLAP (Sever Late-Aged Personnel).
Employees who are SLAPPED will be given the opportunity to look for
jobs outside the company
SLAPPED employees can request a review of their employment records
before actual retirement takes place.
This review phase of the program is called SCREW (Survey of
Capabilities of Retired Early Workers)
All employees who have been SLAPPED and SCREWED may file an appeal
with upper management
This appeal is called SHAFT (Study by Higher Authority Following
Termination)
Under the terms of the new policy, an employee may be SLAPPED once,
SCREWED twice, but may be SHAFTED as many times as the company deems
appropriate.
If an employee follows the above procedure, he/she will be entitled to
get HERPES (Half Earnings for Retired Personnel's Early Severance) or
CLAP, (Combined Lump-sum Assistance Payment).
As HERPES and CLAP are considered benefit plans, an employee who has
received HERPES or CLAP will no longer be SLAPPED or SCREWED by
the company.
Management wishes to assure the younger employees who remain on
board that the company will continue its policy of training employees
through our Special High Intensity Training (****).
We take pride in the amount of **** our employees receive. We have
given our employees more **** than any company in this area.
If any employee feels they do not receive enough **** on the job,
see your immediate supervisor. Your supervisor is specially trained to
make sure you receive all the **** you can stand.
And, once again, thanks for all your years of service with us.
The Management
I guess theres just no place for us old guys anymore Huh?
Well I have been in the **** program many times before I guess I can handle it again..
Stay Safe out there.
Comment