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Cutting Back On Cops. EEK

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  • Cutting Back On Cops. EEK

    I hope your Dept does not treat you the same as mine....Read this......

    MEMO TO ALL EMPLOYEES

    As a result of the reduction of money budgeted for department areas,
    we are forced to cut down on our number of personnel.

    Under this plan, older employees will be asked to take early
    retirement, thus permitting the retention of younger people who
    represent our future.

    Therefore, a program to phase out older personnel by the end of the
    current fiscal year, via retirement, will be placed into effect immediately.

    This program will be known as SLAP (Sever Late-Aged Personnel).

    Employees who are SLAPPED will be given the opportunity to look for
    jobs outside the company

    SLAPPED employees can request a review of their employment records
    before actual retirement takes place.

    This review phase of the program is called SCREW (Survey of
    Capabilities of Retired Early Workers)

    All employees who have been SLAPPED and SCREWED may file an appeal
    with upper management

    This appeal is called SHAFT (Study by Higher Authority Following
    Termination)

    Under the terms of the new policy, an employee may be SLAPPED once,
    SCREWED twice, but may be SHAFTED as many times as the company deems
    appropriate.

    If an employee follows the above procedure, he/she will be entitled to
    get HERPES (Half Earnings for Retired Personnel's Early Severance) or
    CLAP, (Combined Lump-sum Assistance Payment).

    As HERPES and CLAP are considered benefit plans, an employee who has
    received HERPES or CLAP will no longer be SLAPPED or SCREWED by
    the company.

    Management wishes to assure the younger employees who remain on
    board that the company will continue its policy of training employees
    through our Special High Intensity Training (****).

    We take pride in the amount of **** our employees receive. We have
    given our employees more **** than any company in this area.

    If any employee feels they do not receive enough **** on the job,
    see your immediate supervisor. Your supervisor is specially trained to
    make sure you receive all the **** you can stand.

    And, once again, thanks for all your years of service with us.

    The Management

    I guess theres just no place for us old guys anymore Huh?
    Well I have been in the **** program many times before I guess I can handle it again..

    Stay Safe out there.

  • #2
    Sounds a lot like what my former employer did except it was a public utility company. I managed to hang on until I reached social security age and then I was just thrilled to retire although I wasn't eligible for a huge company pension. Ever hear of Pacific Gas & Electric?

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    • #3
      I think forcing older employees into early retirement is contrary to EEOC rules, especially when the 'memo' states it's being done IN FAVOR OF the younger employees. BUTT....who knows any more?

      [ 03-03-2002: Message edited by: shooter1201 ]
      "When you guys get home and face an anti-war protester, look him in the eyes and shake his hand. Then, wink at his girlfriend, because she knows she's dating a *****."
      -Commanding General, 1st Marine Division

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      • #4
        Hope all the young guys know what they doing because they sending all there experience out the door.
        Stay safe and watch your back. Survived Katrina. Now a Official member of the Chocolate City Police.

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