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She ****ed Herself!

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  • She ****ed Herself!

    Earlier this month, I pulled a vehicle speeding. I exited my car and smelled the alcohol immedietly.
    Well, needless to say, I ended up arresting the driver for DWI, and had him transported by another officer. I went back to the vehicle and shined my light on the passenger who was standing on the sidewalk smoking a cigarette. The first thing noticed was the puddle, which I followed up to the wet pant legs, and eventually to the steam rising from the pelvis area. She ****ed herself!
    I was speechless, I didn't even say a word to her, and had her driven home by another officer. couln't believe it.

    Has anybody else encountered humorouse situations like this?
    "To every man, there comes in his lifetime, that special moment when he is figuratively tapped on the shoulder and offered a chance to do a very special thing, unique to him and fitted to his talents. What a tragedy if that moment should find him unprepared or unqualified for the work which would be his fines hour."
    Sir Winston Churchill

  • #2
    I have arrested countless DUIs that have urinated or defecated in their pants. It gets to be a pretty common sight. It is kinda shocking at first but you get used to it. You know you have a good one when their crotch is soaked. Most of them will never fess up to it being ****; they all claim they spilt their drink in their lap.

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    • #3
      I just had one the other night. I was working traffic patrol and pulled a woman over for speeding. She was pretty upset I pulled her over and tried to get me to let her off with a warning.

      NOTE #1 TO NON-LE TYPES READING THIS: NEVER ask for the warning! That just about ensures you WON'T get a warning.

      Anyway, I started walking back to my squad with her DL and she demands I make it fast, she's got some important things to do.

      NOTE #2 TO NON-LE TYPES READING THIS: TELLING a police officer what to do is the surest way of making sure he or she won't do it.

      So, when I was finally done checking her data, writing her citation, filling out my log book, filing my nails, etc, I walked back to her car to deliver the citation. After I gave her the citation and returned her DL, she says,

      "I hope you're happy. I was speeding because I have the stomach flu and I've got horrible diarrhea and now I think I've **** myself."

      [Eek!]
      Caution and worry never accomplished anything.

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      • #4
        The first time this happened to me, the guy ****ed himself while seated in his own vehicle. After the roll body showed up, I was busy filling out the tow slip when I realized the roll body operator was about to seat himself in the suspect's vehicle to get the keys. I yelled and liked to scared the daylights out of the guy, but when he found out why, he thanked me profusely.

        Another time, after citing a male suspect for public urination, he wanted to shake my hand! Uh,no thanks, Dude! (I don't shake hands while on duty any way).
        "I have tried to live my life so that my family will love me and my friends respect me. The others can do whatever the hell they please."
        -John Wayne

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        • #5
          When I first started with my agency I did Intoxilyzers. A Deputy brought in a teen (18-19 yoa) DUI. He was very quiet and extremely polite which surprised me because:

          1. He was a teen
          2. He was drunk
          3. He was a drunk teen

          I got him up to put him on video and the whole time he was facing the camera, you couldn't tell he had ****ed himself. As soon as he did his turn on the walk and turn, however...

          I about lost it right there on camera.

          A few weeks later he's my server at lunch. I was off duty so I highly doubt he recognized me. He didn't act like it anyway.

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          • #6
            I've had this happen countless numbers of times. Urination, defecation, vomiting. I didn't freak out about it like some guys did, but I didn't think it was very funny, either. Just part of the job.

            Once, I even testified as to the nature of the "wetness". The guys defense attorney was trying to get at whether or not it was urine, as indicated in my report, or whether or not he may have spilled his adult beverage.

            this was before open container laws and the defense attorney was trying to explain away both the "odor of alcohol" and the "urinated in his pants".

            Anyway... he's strutting his stuff putting on a show for his trial fee, right? And he asks me how I knew it was urine. I told him that I smelled it.

            He asked me if I was qualified to identify urine just on smell, if I had received any special training or certification in that. Of course the muni court judge isn't buying it, but like I said, he's putting on a show for his trial fee.

            My response was that as a man who was been alive for X number of years and having been urinating frequently during that time, including working in various occupations that included the cleaning of restrooms, latrines, places where alcohol was served and consumed, and other similar facilities where people would urinate, and having had the opportunity to observe other individuals, both children and adults, urinating, that yes, I felt that my life experiences had qualified me to identify a wet substance as urine based solely on odor.

            Further, in addition to the smell, I had also observed that the location of the wetnss in the man's groin area supported this observation and that the stain pattern beginning at the crotch and spreading down to the seat of his pants was consistent with having urinated while wearing those pants and being seated in a sitting postion.. and that this pattern was inconsistent with having spilled a drink on himself and thus wetting the top of his pants, as well.

            The defense attorney bit his lip and thought for a second and asked... "How do you know it was his urine and not somebody elses? Couldn't he have sat down in someone elses urine?"

            I said, "I suppose if he was drunk enough."

            He looked at the judge to object and the judge said, "You asked."

            -Sparky

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            • #7
              Had a woman one night flag me down on the street. She had two small children with her & she was upset about something her husband had done. It was a hot summer night & she was wearing a pair of red shorts & sandals & sleeveless top. She was telling me this & that & was carrying on about trivial details while holding one small child. The other child was standing beside her. I looked down at the child from time to time & noticed the child was looking at a small trickle of water running down the pavement. I followed the water trail along with the child up the woman's leg & to the bottom of her shorts. She was peeing while talking to me! The child kept trying to get her attention but she kept right on talking. Finally she quit talking & gathered up the kids & walked away.

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              • #8
                lmfao @ this thread. I love the stories. people **** themselves all the time I've searched numerous females who do it.
                One of my sergeant always tells us of this one drunk woman he had pulled over... she was standing on the boulevard talking to him when he sees her **** herself.. then non shalantly lean over pull her shoe off and pour the **** out of her shoe, while continueing to talk to him, like it was normal. to hear him tell it is hilarious.
                Oh... Oh... I know you di-int!

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                • #9
                  quote:
                  Originally posted by crash1:
                  She ****ed herself!
                  I was speechless, I didn't even say a word to her, and had her driven home by another officer. couln't believe it.

                  This other officer must REALLY like you!!!

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                  • #10
                    Ever have it done INTENTIONALLY? A friend of mine was transporting a OWI to jail, when the yo-yo managed to slip his cuffed hands from behind his back to the front of him, get his tool out, and send a stream right over the top of the barrier in the patrol car! Friend almost got it, when he slammed on the brakes, and the mope fell to the floor of the car, ****ing on himself instead.

                    Another time, I was doing security work, patrolling conveinence stores, when the employees from the place that owned these video games were taking the money from the machine one night. At the same time they were making a strange face, I got a whiff, and asked if someone pi**ed in the store! Turns out, some brainless wonder had peed in the coin slot of the game! Wondering if the dumb*** had ever realized he could have electrocuted himself(imagine writing up the report on THAT one!), I gave those guys rubber gloves, and some Nonoxynol towlettes. At my suggestion, they scraped the change into a bucket, then poured bleach all over the change, as well as cleaning out the coin box of the game and other affected areas with a bleach solution.
                    Never make a drummer mad- we beat things for a living!

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                    • #11
                      I used to love the ones who would complain about how they had to go to the bathroom on the way to jail.

                      Scrote: "Could we stop off somewhere? I really have to go to the bathroom."

                      Ofc. Sparky: "I'm sorry. I can't do that. Our next stop will be the jail. You'll have to do the best you can."

                      Scrote: "But I need to go to the bathroom. I'm going to pee my pants."

                      Ofc. Sparky: "Go ahead if you feel the need."


                      Somehow, they almost always managed to wait. Usually they were lying and just wanted to break bad, anyway.

                      Of course, I had a couple who, after I told them 'go ahead'.. did. They seemed awfully proud of themselves and thought it would bother me.

                      But I've worked some pretty skanky jobs before. I ain't proud. Put on some gloves, throw in some paper towels, wipe it down with alcohol, and your back on the road catching calls.

                      HA! I just remembered a story...

                      Similar situation... some drunk guy really needed to go during processing in at the jail. They wouldn't let them at the latrine until they were searched, printed and shot, then a deputy would escort them over before the rest of the processing.

                      Anyway, this guy was doing the pee-pee dance while he was being printed.

                      The deputy was correctly doing the "stand behind me and give me your arm" print method when he felt a warm wetness in the small of his back and realized that the prisoner had stopped 'dancing'.

                      ewwwww!
                      -Sparky

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                      • #12
                        If we have a prisoner pee, puke or otherwise soil our backseat, the jail will send a trustee out to clean us for it. I've never heard of any stories of retribution, but the trustees are well aware of who was responsible for the mess!

                        Comment

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