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Newspaper headlines from 2035

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  • Newspaper headlines from 2035

    NEWSPAPER HEADLINES IN THE YEAR 2035

    Ozone created by electric cars now killing millions in the seventh largest country in the world, California

    White minorities still trying to have English recognized as California's third language

    Spotted Owl plague threatens northwestern United States crops & livestock

    Baby conceived naturally.... Scientists stumped

    Authentic year 2000 "chad" sells at Sotheby's for $4.6 million

    Last remaining Fundamentalist Muslim dies in the American Territory of the Middle East (formerly known as Iran, Afghanistan, Syria, and Lebanon)

    Iraq still closed off, physicists estimate it will take at least ten more years before radioactivity decreases to safe levels

    Castro finally dies at age 112

    Postal Service raises price of first class stamp to $17.89 and reduces mail delivery to Wednesday only

    35 year study: diet and exercise is the key to
    weight loss

    Massachusetts executes last remaining conservative

    Supreme Court rules punishment of criminals violates their civil rights

    Upcoming NFL draft likely to focus on use of mutants

    Average height of NBA players now nine feet, seven inches

    Microsoft announces it has perfected its newest version of Windows so it crashes BEFORE installation is completed

    New federal law requires that all nail clippers, screwdrivers, fly swatters, and rolled up newspapers must be registered by January 2036

    Congress authorizes direct deposit of illegal political contributions to campaign accounts

    Capitol Hill intern indicted for refusing to
    have sex with congressman

    IRS sets lowest tax rate at 75%
    "But if it be a sin to covet honor, I am the most offending soul alive." from Henry V, by Wm. Shakespeare

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