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Strange happenings in a small town


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  • Strange happenings in a small town

    Here's the set-up:

    I was driving home the other night around midnight. About 10 miles from home, I stopped in a small town for gas.

    As I was walking out of the convenience store, I saw a woman standing just outside the door.

    "Hi," she says.

    "Hi," I say.

    "You from around here?" she asks.

    "Well, not exactly. I live a few miles down the road," I reply, thinking she's looking for directions, "what are you looking for?"

    "A friend," she says.

    "Excuse me?" I ask.

    "I'm kind of new to the area and I'm looking for some friends, you know, to hang out with. What are you doing tonight?"

    By now, I've figured out 1 of 3 things is occurring:

    1) I'm dreaming of the Cinemax soft-core movie of the week
    2) There's a camera somewhere and pretty soon Alan Fundt is gonna show up (you old-timers know what I'm talking about)
    3) I've just met a hooker in a town of about 1200 people

    I stammer, "Uh, sorry, I've got all the friends I need," or something equally witty and get in my car. As I do so, I see her grab the arm of some guy that came out of the store right after me.

    But the story doesn't end there. As I pulled out, I saw she and the guy get into his car and drive off the same direction I was headed. As I followed them, they started to take a turn, then abruptly veered off into the parking lot of the only motel for miles around.

    Now I may be a bit of a rube and inexperienced in the ways of city life...but I'm thinking #3.

    So. A question for those of you living in small towns. What's the oddest thing you've had happen to you?
    Caution and worry never accomplished anything.

  • #2
    Chasing a cow around town for 3 hours in the middle of the night comes to mind.....
    "When you guys get home and face an anti-war protester, look him in the eyes and shake his hand. Then, wink at his girlfriend, because she knows she's dating a *****."
    -Commanding General, 1st Marine Division


    • #3
      My weirdest one:
      I was sitting in the station eating dinner when this lady and her son come in. She starts telling me this story about her ex-husband, Phil Donohue, national headlines and her son. Needless to say, I was having some trouble keeping I managed to slow her down and heard the following:
      This lady (Mrs. L) left her husband and got custody of her two sons. She enrolled at Indiana Univ. of PA to better provide for the boys, not realizing that the moment she moved them out of Allegheny County, custody reverts back to Mr. L.
      Now, Mr. L is a real jerk. Little Danny and his brother are living in this hellhole and Mr. L is out dealing drugs and drinking.
      One day, Danny is watching the Phil Donohue show and it is about kids turning their parents in for dealing drugs. Little Danny (he is 11) picks up the phone and calls Pittsburgh PD and says, "C'mon over, my dad is a drug dealer, I'll show you the stuff"
      An officer arrives, Danny lets him in and shows him the marijuana, cocaine and heroin along with assorted paraphernalia. Danny's only request is that they are allowed to take their bikes with them. The officer loads up the kids and the bikes, takes custody of the drugs and leaves a note for Mr. L.
      Mr. L shows up at the station drunk, driving under suspension (DUI related).
      Mrs. L takes the kids, finishes school and moves to the small town that I police in.
      This story had made national headlines, both print and TV. Mr. L. was arrested for the drugs,
      endangering the welfare of a child, etc., etc.
      So...Mrs L. tells me that the trial for all of this is set in eight weeks and.....get this.....
      Mr. L. still has VISITATION and has been calling Danny to set up a visit!!!! And, Mr. L. has been trying to talk Danny into not testifying.
      To say I was shellshocked by all this was an understatement.
      I called Pittsburgh PD and reached the officer that had handled the case, and verified everything I was told. So, I prepared a statement for Allegheny Family Court that was about 12 pages long and faxed that out. They revoked visitation.
      Here's the cool part: the ADA really liked the statement I did and the next thing I knew, I was on a plane to Pittsburgh, put up in a suite at the Ramada...all courtesy of the DA's office. Mr. L pled guilty within the first day I was there, so I spent the rest of the week doing ride-alongs with the officer involved in the case. The PENS won the Stanley Cup that week and I got the opportunity to meet and party with the team!
      Not bad for a small town gal!


      • #4
        A town of 30,000 plus may not be all that small but when you're tucked away in the East Texas Pineywoods a 2 hr. drive from anyplace bigger it's considered a small city.

        We went to Hawaii on vacation & took a shuttle bus to the rental car place. On the shuttle bus with us was a woman & two little girls. My wife struck up a conversation with the woman. She & her daughters lived on the big island but were visiting her mother who lived on Oahu. My wife said we were from Texas. The woman said the girls' other grandmother lived in Texas but we probably wouldn't know where it was because it was a small town called Lufkin. We busted up laughing. We not only knew where it was, we knew the family. Small town...small world.


        • #5
          Work in a town of 9,000. Really weird things happen to one of the local drunks who hangs out at Denny's for hours and hours at a time.

          The drunk lost his license years ago for an OWI. Ever since then, he rides his bike all over. He lives in a trailer park in the middle of the ghetto. (The one near Hanna's [in the Town] for the other Dane County guys on the board.) Anyway, he works about 5 miles away from where he lives, yet he rides his bike every day. Another officer saw him riding his boke on Xmas Eve about 5 years ago, in -22 weather.

          Getting back to the story, about 2 months ago, the drunk is riding his bicycle to Denny's when he hit a deer. No damage to the bike, but he killed the deer dead. The deer was dead after being struck by a bicycle. I wouldn't have believed it if a co-worker didn't take a report on it.

          About 2 weeks ago, the same drunk was at a bar/restaurant for an event called "Porn N' Eggs." Basically, the restaurant serves breakfast while adult movies are playing on all of the televisions in the place. Anyway, a pretty rough crowd hangs out there, and the local hookers also frequent the place. So the drunk meets up with a hooker, and they go back to the place he works.


          The drunk offers the hooker $20 for a BJ, but he told her that she had to finish the job if she wanted the money. Long story short, she went for awhile, but did not finish the job. The hooker then demands $40. The drunk gets angry and said that he only offered $20, and she did not finish the job.

          ******************GRAPHIC PORTION FINISHED*****************************

          Anyway, she then whipped out a knife and held it to his throat. He reasoned with her, and was eventually able to take the knife away. He threw it down, and walked away. As he is walking away, the hooker picked up a lead pipe, and beat the **** out of the local drunk. She then stole the $400 he had in his pocket. He was able to call 911, and she was arrested.

          Just last week, he was bragging that he had won $4,500 from one of those illegal gambling machines that are inside taverns. He was telling everyone at Denny's that he had won that kind of money. I am still waiting for that fool to get jumped and robbed...
          "I assume you all have guns and crack."


          • #6
            We live in a small beach community. Everyone knows everyone. We were heading to my sons baseball game and saw one of the childrens father talking to a police officer. This man was a well known drunk but we all put up with him because his son loved him so. Only when he was roaring drunk would someone stuff him in a car and take him home. Turns out he was stopped for riding on a bicycle drunk. He had weaved and fallen in the road and they stopped him. When I got to the field, some of the parents were laughing hysterically. I saw his poor son sitting by himself in the dugout, crying and told the parents to knock it off because of this child. They really felt bad. I went over and told him that no one thought less of him and I knew he loved his Dad. The poor little thing let me put my arms around him as he cried and cried. I ended up taking him home, he was so upset.


            • #7
              Originally posted by kirch:

              3) I've just met a hooker in a town of about 1200 people

              Now I may be a bit of a rube and inexperienced in the ways of city life...but I'm thinking #3.


              #3 happens everywhere. the most classic we've had out in this little he!! hole was one night one of our regulars got smashed at the local doper bar. She was playing quarter slots and ran out of quarters. She started doing BJs for a quarter each in her truck in the parking lot, going in and feeding the slot machine, and then doing the next guy when she ran out again. This supposedly had been going on for a couple hours before I came upon it.


              • #8
                And this one just happened. Talk about timing. I got called out for a burglary in progress. Three boys had come home from school and as they walked around the back of the house they found their back door kicked in and her someone trashing things in the house. They ran to the neighbors and called the police. While on the phone, they noticed a red car parked in front that they hadn't noticed before.

                I show up and sure enough, the back door is kicked in with the bottom panel broken and I can here rummaging in the house. I go to the back door and verbally challenge inside. I get no verbal response, but whoever it is starts walking towrd the door I'm at. I begin a "tactical retreat" away from the door and to cover to give me some space from the mad man or a block for the bullets whichever is coming.

                As I get about halfway to the power pole I'm back tracking to, I see the inner door on the porch move. Just as I'm thinking I'm not going to make it to my pole and hoping he's just insane or ****ed and not going to come out shooting, out pops the family goat. Nobody noticed he was no longer tied to his stake. The car. That belonged to the people two properties down. They parked it there as the road was to muddy to get it home because of all the rain we have been having.

                [ 02-27-2003, 09:33 PM: Message edited by: DesertRat ]


                • #9
                  This isn't a weird small town hooker story, but it is a weird small town story that just happened this week. My husband and I were taking our daily walk through the village, when a car came up behind us beeping the horn as if the driver knew us. He slowed down as he passed us, gave us a big grin, put his hands together as if he were praying and bowed to us a number of times. Neither of us recognized him, but we thought he must recognize me through the church or the chaplaincy, so we waved and kept walking, saying, "Who the heck was that?? How did he recognize me from behind, when I'm all bundled up in a parka?" He goes ahead a bit, stops the car, gets out and does a number of deep bows to us-- then gets on his knees in the traffic lane and puts his forehead on the ground a number of times-- then lies all the way down on his stomach, spread-eagle, in the traffic lane and just lies there. I ask him, "Sir, are you alright?" He gets to his feet and with a huge grin says, "I love God! I love God!" Well, that's great, sir. And we kept walking. He jumped in his car and drove off.

                  Drunk or EDP, I guess-- weird!
                  We do not all come to religion over the wandering years,
                  but sooner or later we all get to meet God. -- Edward Conlon


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