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  • #16
    My backround investigation comes back spotless. I get to buy my first gun. I get to tell my witch of a boss to take my job and stuff it where the sun don't shine. Then when i become a cop i get the satisfaction of one day pulling her over and speeding tickets cost about $250 and when she says can't you cut me a break i say ABSOLUTELY! ( the new word she wants us to tell every customer regardless.) NOT! Especially when the man with the stupidest Blonde jokes comes up and asks me if he can Give me the time of my life. No way in hell, am i going to say Absolutely to this creep. And no, she will never catch a break from me. If dreams really come true then i hope she gets a ticket a week. Just for even suggesting i say that word to every person i come in contact with. I think she is nuts.
    After reading that, I can play psychic also!

    Headline From March 23, 2003 Arizona Republic:

    Police Trainee Goes Berserk-Takes Hostages
    Female Recruit Shoots Ex-Boss;
    Cripples Local Business Owner

    Phoenix (AP) One of the Phoenix Police Department’s newest female officers apparently went on a rampage late yesterday. Futura Phoenix, 34, who recently graduated at the top of her recruit training class, allegedly stopped a woman who had been her supervisor in a previous employment and opened fire without warning. Other officers at the scene told of a vicious and unwarranted attack, which they tried to stop, but were quickly overpowered by the five-foot-ten-inch blonde officer. Two of the officers were treated and released at area hospitals for injuries.

    Details are sketchy, but apparently Officer Phoenix was riding with a field-training officer and they made a routine stop for speeding of a 1996 Ford Explorer, driven by Olawitch Ofaboss, of Lakeshore Drive. Upon finding Ofaboss to be the driver, Officer Phoenix pushed past her training officer, Corporal T. H. Isalie and extracted Ms. Ofaboss from the vehicle she was driving, and began cursing and screaming at the top of her lungs. CPL Isalie said he vividly recalled Phoenix shouting “Hey (expletive), I’m AB-SO-LUT-LEY a cop now! And, I’m AB-SO-LUT-LEY going to beat you down with this baton, and I’m AB-SO-LUT-LEY going to empty not only my can of OC Spray in your ear, but then I’m going to AB-SO-LUT-LEY take the corporals and empty it into you anus! You’ll be the worlds first OC ENEMA!!!”

    Corporal Isalie said after being knocked down by Officer Phoenix, he was dazed, but recalls requesting assistance and hearing Officer Phoenix continue her barrage of insults-“Hey (expletive), I’m going to (expletive) (expletive) (expletive) (expletive) (expletive) (expletive) (expletive) (expletive) and then take SAID base guitar and (expletive) (expletive) (expletive) (expletive) (expletive) (expletive) (expletive) (expletive) (expletive) (expletive) (expletive) and (expletive) (expletive) (expletive) (expletive) (expletive) and then, for good (expletive) measure, I’m going to (expletive) (expletive) (expletive) (expletive) (expletive) (expletive) (expletive) (expletive)!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!

    As backup officers arrived, Isalie watched in horror as Phoenix emptied her .40 mm Glock service revolver (remember, this is the news media ) into the “lower rear portion of the body” of Ofaboss. Several officers tackled her, but she apparently is very adept at hand-to-hand combat, and after overpowering them, she drove off in the police cruiser, allegedly singing the lyrics to the Johnny Paycheck song “Take This Job And Shove It over the car’s public address system.

    Officer Phoenix was later spotted at a local grocery store, where she located John P. Imasaint, owner of Arizona Optics, and allegedly struck him several times in the knees with a metal police baton. According to Major M. L. Function of Phoenix Police, witnesses said Phoenix was screaming at Imasaint “Well whaddya know???? I AM HAVING THE ‘TIME OF MY LIFE’ WITH YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!” Officer Phoenix then locked all the entrances and took all patrons hostage. Only after an elite negotiating team from the Officer.com website was called in did she surrender to police.

    Imasaint was transported to a local hospital where doctors give his less than 5% change of ever walking again.

    Phoenix is being evaluated at a local hospital.
    People have more fun than anybody.

    Comment


    • #17
      Mike You're the only "non leo normal person" here. The first part is wrong. I'm not a leo.

      As to "normal", that's a matter of opinion.

      Comment


      • #18
        HEY!!!!! NO one said we had to be normal when I first signed up in here has this changed?


        Whew I am glad it didn't/ Was getting worried there LOL

        Klar
        Are you a Veteran? If so join AMVETS the only organization that accepts all vets no matter when or where they served. Contact me for more info.

        Comment


        • #19
          SGT Dave your a great story teller! Keep the stories coming.

          Comment


          • #20
            Sgt D. If your police reports are half as entertaining as your stories, I envy the people who get paid to read them. You are too funny !! If I ever get trapped in an elevator or bomb shelter I hope you're there to provide the entertainment, not to mention you'd probably rescue us too, all the while telling stories....

            "I didn't know glock made a revolver..." LOL, My pretend dumb blonde moment for the day...
            Have you ever noticed? Anybody going slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac.

            Comment


            • #21
              Dave, Would that be a pshycicatric hospital?
              " Life's disappointments are harder to take when you don't know any swear words." - Calvin

              Comment


              • #22
                I'm no Miss Cleo but here goes.......

                You have such soft hands there Don. So to answer your first question:

                Yeah about three-quarters of a century. I know it might no seem like much, but you can take a little pride in the fact that most people you’ve met have said “I’m better off having known ya”.

                Rich & famous? Ahhh AHAHAHAHAHAHHAHA… yeah sure ya are…. Right after you steal the crown jewels. (don’t read too much into that, hehehe)

                Lose weight? Yes, but only when you decided that 3500 calories is too much intake for one day. I’d say start with diet pop and only eat sugar-free popsicles for about a week. Trust me, when you minimize your caloric intake, the weight will melt away. Worked for me anyway. You will be the stud of the Lawrence Welk comeback tour.

                DOH! Hey? Think I should have sent that as a private message? LoL. Heh. I’m really a nice person, but I have a knack for this psychic thang.


                *calls out "NEXT"

                [ 02-25-2002: Message edited by: InSane1 ]
                Oh... Oh... I know you di-int!

                Comment


                • #23
                  Wow advocating Diet soda pop when it has one of the most addictive ingrediants in it. WHy do you think people can not give up diet soda? Ask any person who knows and they will tell you that diet soad is one of the worse things for you. IF you wish to lose weight go drink real fruit juices or something heck even water. But stay away from diet soda.

                  Klar
                  Are you a Veteran? If so join AMVETS the only organization that accepts all vets no matter when or where they served. Contact me for more info.

                  Comment


                  • #24
                    What's this BLUE WALL OF SILENCE? NEVER HEARD OF IT.
                    Stay safe and watch your back. Survived Katrina. Now a Official member of the Chocolate City Police.

                    Comment


                    • #25
                      The blue wall of silence is a term used to describe what most people think is the police officers keeping to themselves and not talking about anything another officer might have done or said. It is like a family of brothers and sisters who will forever remain silent to see that their brother or sister is protected and comes to no harm. Some even will say that officers will go out of their way to lei for one of their brothers or sisters to see that they go unpunished and to keep them above the law.

                      While this is all good and great in a reportes eye they are failing to see that there is no blue wall but as long as they feel that it will sale a paper or two they will use whatever angle they can to try to make it look like a us vs them scenerio.

                      Klar
                      Are you a Veteran? If so join AMVETS the only organization that accepts all vets no matter when or where they served. Contact me for more info.

                      Comment


                      • #26
                        HEY HEY now... lets get back on subject. This thread is about my psychic abilities. Now, who wants to be next?
                        Oh... Oh... I know you di-int!

                        Comment


                        • #27
                          Posted by Fast_1:
                          Sgt D. If your police reports are half as entertaining as your stories, I envy the people who get paid to read them. You are too funny !! If I ever get trapped in an elevator or bomb shelter I hope you're there to provide the entertainment, not to mention you'd probably rescue us too, all the while telling stories....
                          Fast_1, if I'm ever trapped in an elevator with you, I'll CAP the first fireman or "Rescue Ranger" I see come anywhere CLOSE to that elevator!!!!!!!!!



                          Oh, and actually, they say they hate them because there so long. But, the chief (who tells me that all the time) STILL tells new officers to study my reports and write like that.


                          I was hoping Faster Fax (ftrphxcop for you newer members) would see this before she had to go to work.

                          [ 02-25-2002: Message edited by: SGT Dave ]

                          [ 02-25-2002: Message edited by: SGT Dave ]
                          People have more fun than anybody.

                          Comment


                          • #28
                            Originally posted by Snoopy1:
                            Mike You're the only "non leo normal person" here. The first part is wrong. I'm not a leo.

                            As to "normal", that's a matter of opinion.
                            Snoopy, I completly forgot about you. What was I thinking?

                            Why don't you think I'm normal? Somebody been talking about me? Somebody been filling your head with notions about lil ole me?

                            Or, are you comparable to the mean old grandma that gave that poor wolf in Little Red Riding Hood indigestion?

                            Comment


                            • #29
                              Sgt. Dave, I can always count on you to brighten my day. I loved it and i sure hope they never read your story before i get to do the Psych eval. OH! wait, That was the one thing eliminated from my process. I guess dreams really do come true. Your the best and i can now go to work and everytime i see her miserable face i will start laughing, just thinking about how funny the story was. I wish i could take a copy of it but i know it might end up in the wrong hands so i will enjoy it everytime i come to the boards. I just can't stop laughing. You are truly the best.
                              "To each his own"

                              Comment


                              • #30
                                Originally posted by SGT Dave:
                                Fast_1, if I'm ever trapped in an elevator with you, I'll CAP the first fireman or "Rescue Ranger" I see come anywhere CLOSE to that elevator!!!!!!!!!

                                AHHHHH How Sweet, MY HERO !!!!! but maybe we can keep the capping to the BGs!! LOL



                                Oh, and actually, they say they hate them because there so long. But, the chief (who tells me that all the time) STILL tells new officers to study my reports and write like that.
                                He must be a Gemini !!! How anyone could find fault in your writing is a mystery to me !!


                                I was hoping Faster Fax (ftrphxcop for you newer members) would see this before she had to go to work.
                                ftrphxcop, did/do you work for Kinkos or something? or someplace that is even faster !!
                                Have you ever noticed? Anybody going slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac.

                                Comment

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