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Witty Lawyers to Brighten you day

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  • Witty Lawyers to Brighten you day

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    Recently reported in the Massachusetts Bar Association Lawyers Journal, the following are questions actually asked of witnesses by
    attorneys during trials and, in certain cases, the responses given by
    insightful witnesses:

    1. "Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he
    doesn't know about it until the next morning?"

    2. "The youngest son, the twenty-year old, how old is he?"

    3. "Were you present when your picture was taken?"

    4. "Were you alone or by yourself?"

    5. "Was it you or your younger brother who was killed in the war?"

    6. "Did he kill you?"

    7. "How far apart were the vehicles at the time of the collision?"

    8. "You were there until the time you left, is that true?"

    9. "How many times have you committed suicide?"

    10. Q: "So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8 th?"
    A: "Yes."
    Q: "And what were you doing at that time?"

    11. Q: "She had three children, right?"
    A: "Yes."
    Q: "How many were boys?"
    A: "None."
    Q: "Were there any girls?"

    12. Q: "You say the stairs went down to the basement?"
    A: "Yes."
    Q: "And these stairs, did they go up also?"

    13. Q: "Mr. Slatery, you went on a rather elaborate honeymoon, didn't you?"
    A: "I went to Europe, Sir."
    Q: "And you took your new wife?"

    14. Q: "How was your first marriage terminated?"
    A: "By death."
    Q: "And by who's death was it terminated?"

    15. Q: "Can you describe the individual?"
    A: "He was about medium height and had a beard."
    Q: "Was this a male, or a female?"

    16. Q: "Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition
    notice sent to your attorney?"
    A: "No, this is how I dress when I go to work."

    17. Q: "Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead people?"
    A: "All my autopsies are performed on dead people."

    18. Q: "All your responses must be oral, OK? What school did you go to?"
    A: "Oral."

    19. Q: "Do you recall the time that you examined the body?"
    A: "The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.."
    Q: "And Mr. Dennington was dead at the time?"
    A: "No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an
    autopsy."

    20. Q: "You were not shot in the fracas?"
    A: "No, I was shot midway between the fracas and the navel."

    21. Q: "Are you qualified to give a urine sample?"
    A: "I have been since early childhood."

    22. Q: "Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a
    pulse?"
    A: "No."
    Q: "Did you check for blood pressure?"
    A: "No."
    Q: "Did you check for breathing?"
    A: "No."
    Q: "So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you
    began the autopsy?"
    A: "No."
    Q: "How can you be so sure, Doctor?"
    A: "Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar."
    Q: "But could the patient have still been alive nevertheless?"
    A: "It is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law
    somewhere."

  • #2
    Somebody posted these a while back. They sure are good for a laugh. I followed up w/ a couple from Gordon Graham, an attorney and also a captain from the CHP. Supposedly these are true.

    11. Q - So officer, how far can you see?
    A - I can see the moon, how far is that?

    12. Q - So officer, since you seem to know so much about Horizontal Gaze Nystagmus, where did you happen to get your medical degree?
    A - At Harvard Medical School. You see I'm only a Reserve Officer .
    If you see me running try to keep up!

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