Some genuine advice needed

[Babylon]

Some of you may know of me and remember me,its been a while since i posted for a variety of reasons...mainly work and a long period of leave..
But a major choice has come up in life and frankly i cant talk to friends about it as its become one of those things,you know where they cant really help...so ive decided to ask strangers..
After all sometimes those who dont know you can give the best advice..
Please no rubbish answers or random stuff from tang soo do(what the hell)posters that some time appear on this board....if you dont want to contribute then dont bother...wastes the moderators time also i;ll bet...
So anyhow here it is..
For about 7 years ive known a young lady in the US on the West coast...we started as teenagers as penpals and then we lost contact for about 2 years.That was when i became a cop.Im a Metropolitan police officer in London,and have passed probation and am in a very busy area.
I always missed her and after a bit of investigation i found her..
And we started to communicate again,via ims and the odd call(damn its expensive)..
And she was married but is in midst of divorce for various reasons and has a little girl...
But she has wanted to come see me..and i her...
although what scares me is the realisation on both part how much we care for each other..
Both of us have made it clear that we'd like to take things beyond friends...and be with each other..(im awful at explaining things like this)
But as we all know long distance relationships can only end well when something happens to make both of you together..
If we were to start both of us have agreed that this will be it for both of us,we want to be together...
But for her,if she ups and leaves im scared that she'll have huge problems custody wise for her and her little girl,and how it will affect her little girl to come to the UK.
As for work wise then well i cant go there??This whole lack of green card thing...or if that can be got past its the whole you have to be a US citizen to be a police officer..
Basically has anyone been in a position like this before...
I dont want to hurt her,we dont want to marry,we'd like to be together one place or the other....
But I cant work there and she has her little girl and theres no way id seperate her from her for anything longer then a couple of weeks...
too hard for her..

i know im not phrasing this in a great way but can anyone offer a few words or even some practical advice about departments (big small what ever in the nevada region)who hire without citizenship requirements???

If you can thanks and thanks for reading ramblings of a sleepy officer...

[J-WS6]

Have you ever met in person?

[ProWriter]

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For about 7 years ive known a young lady in the US on the West coast...we started as teenagers as penpals and then we lost contact for about 2 years.

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Call me crazy, but if that means you've never actually met the girl in person, I'd try an actual date or two dozen before you start looking for jobs across the Atlantic or planning a life together...but hey, maybe that's just me.

Even if you're very close intellectually, emotionally, and you like each other's pictures, there are still other variables of chemistry and compatibility that you can only explore in person.

quote:

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And we started to communicate again,via ims and the odd call(damn its expensive).

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If you both have high speed cable Internet connections, look into getting Vonage (vonage.com)...it lets you pay a flat fee (around $40/month) and you can call anywhere anytime (including overseas) at no charge. Good luck.

[Metro174]

I'm not going to get into the whole "you should get to know each other" thing as you are both adults and I am sure you have heard all of that before.

What I was thinking was sort of a compromise if you two meet and decide to take it further. What about looking into an LE job in Canada? From what I understand they take officers there from Commonwealth countries. When I did a ride along in Toronto I met an constable that was from Scotland and had been a constable there. It is similar to the US in many ways (yeah Canadian members, I know you are another country ) and it's not half a world away in that the child's father would not be able to see her.

[Snoopy1]

You have many problems to resolve which require a lot of thought and planning.

First, if the child's father has visitation rights on a regular basis she might become involved in quite a custody battle. He could argue that the best interest of the child (which should be the court's top priority) would be served by close continual contact with her father, grandparents and other relatives.

If you have never actually met face to face, one of you might decide the other wasn't the great person he/she seemed to be in the long distance communication. You should actually meet before making any decision.

Just remember it isn't just you and her. There is a third person whose welfare should be considered. I am a family-oriented person. I have three adult children and six grandchildren so I am probably prejudiced in the child's favor.

Whatever you decide, good luck.

[Deputy757]

Some very good advice offered so far. And one other thing to keep in mind...not all states require that you be a citizen in order to be a police officer. And if you were to actually meet and decide to make a go of it, you would have no problem getting residence in the US once you were married.

[kirch]

From what you've written, it seems like you're in a better position to move to across the pond than she is. I'd explore the Canadian option. From previous topics, it seems like you'd have a better shot at a LE job up there than down here. There are some states that don't require citizenship, but you'd have to do some research to find out where they are.

If you went with Canada, you could likely find a job in BC, Saskatchewan or even Alberta that would put you only 2-3 hours plane ride from Nevada. Then you could actually have a few dates in person, make sure the chemistry is right, and take things from there.

Whatever you decide is best, I'd still recommend some time together before either of you jump in with such a large committment. Even a long weekend would be better than nothing. And don't do anything til that divorce is final!

[Babylon]

Thanks to all who took the time to reply...
It'll all get sorted soon hopefully and have a happy ending ...
Albeit a strange beginning..

[Chaplain Keppy]

Babylon--
There's a Canadian Police website

www.blueline.ca

Might be able to do some research or networking there.