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  • How do you react to your kids...

    ...when/if you find out your son or daughter (particularly interested to hear from those with daughters) has been "involved" with someone. A lot often goes into not telling your parents things, ya know...and I'm just curious how y'all handel the situation.
    M.E.

  • #2
    You're not pregnant or something, are you?

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    • #3
      She is probably "dating" an officer now.

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      • #4
        No & no. Just had a general question & wanted to see what y'all would say. Geez, one really gets picked 'round here.
        M.E.

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        • #5
          That's a hard question to answer since my daughter is a baby. But, every parent is different. If , as an adult living away from home, I dated someone on a regular basis w/out telling mom and dad; and my mother/ father found out...they would wonder what type of deviant I was hiding from them...no joke. I never dated anyone too long who was not someone I could "take home" to meet the folks and my large extended family.
          In the Big Bunny household, when I was living at home...even after I was 18, I was not given permission to go out with anyone unless my parents knew their parents..the rules and "if you dont like the rules under my roof..well, you know the rest.
          I was never realy too sneaky in the dating scene; did some stupid things, of course, but fortunately did not get hurt, pregnant, raped or killed. I could write a book, but then my secrets would be out and my mother be sad...we dont want that.
          As far s Baby Bunny is concerned; I will set the same rules, with a few changes. I would like to meet anyone she dates, so she will have to ask him to arrive early for tea, cookies, whatever so I can talk to him, get his fingerprints, saliva swab..ha....no, I feel if a young man is asked to meet parents and he has a problem with it, then he is not worthy of dating my child. Case closed, no room for discussion. She has plenty of male cousins to watch her step in case we dont have a boy the second time around.
          I am kind of old fashioned and will prefer to know who my child associates with...will never change...too many weirdos out there.
          As far as your original question? Who are you dating that your parents dont know about? I would not be happy if my child did that and would want to know why...would not have a fit, but would like to communicate better with my child; that is the key to helping her stay out of trouble..secrets lead to lies and that is never a good trust builder.
          What is going on?
          "You may all go to hell and I will go to Texas."
          Davy Crockett

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          • #6
            I asked LOTS of questions and generally could size up the situation well enough. My son once told me he was staying with a male friend for the weekened. I missed that one. It was a female 16 year old girl (He was 18). When her Mother called to scream at me, I asked her where SHE had been. Why, on a cruise with her boyfriend, of course. She said she was entitled to fun too. I said, "Yea, when your daughter learns that it's NOT OK TO DO WHAT YOU DID." Then I screamed at my son and took his car away for a month.

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            • #7
              Mrs. Bunny & Mrs. Mitzi, I've been reading your posts & you both always make good points. To put your minds at ease, I shall tell you my reason for this post...
              No, I'm not involved with anyone. One of my best gal pals has asked me to cover for her if her parents ask where she's at. In my opinion, her parents are too loose with her. I'm mustering up the courage to go tell her parents what she's really up to. I know it'll probably destroy our relationship, and her parents won't believe me at first...but I've got the address of where she's at...So if they really wanna know...
              I actually have come to sorta like the rules my family sets down for me, cuz I know my safety is of concern. I don't go out with guys all that often to be truthful. I don't! I rather enjoy my time at home studying psych & writing free style poetry & prose.
              So there you go...full story.
              M.E.

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              • #8
                Though my daughter is still only tiny, I feel certain that when she grows older, if I find out she is seeing boys until she is, I don't know, 45, I'll get my colleagues to arrest the unlucky chap in question. My partner thinks I'm being over-protective. What do the rest of you think?
                I won't be wronged, I won't be insulted, and I won't be laid a hand on. I don't do these things to other people, and I require the same from them.

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                • #9
                  Well, from past experience, when a friend asked you to lie for her; that is not cool. I did a bit of that when I was a teenager and thankfully, my friends that I asked to lie for me told on me....at the time, I thought they were sneaks and disloyal, but decades later, we are all still pretty close. If what your friend is doing may cause her harm in the long run, I suggest you tell on her...it is not tattle-taling when it may protect your friend. I dont know the details of her sneaking around, but much of my sneaking and lying to the folks, in the past could have led to so many bad things. I know I am alive, but that, I think is by the grace of God and somehow, my mother always caught me before I did something bad....HMMMM...I think we all grow "extra eyes and ears" when we give birth to our first child.....
                  In short, if your friend is in any kind of danger with this guy she plans on sneaking around with, perhaps it is in the best interest of both of you to tell her parents. If they are "loose" as you say and it is not of concern to them; in the event that (God Forbid) your friend gets in trouble with this sneaking out stuff...you will not have that burden of guilt to lug around.
                  If you feel uncomfortable telling her parents, talk to your friend and let her know how uncomfortable you are with this lying bit and what she plans to do; sometimes eyes need to be "opened" a bit more...when we plan little sneaky business, our rationalizing blinders are on...it is called Self Justification, which basically the tendency we all have to justify what we do in order to maintain our self esteem......if you like Psych., you know what I am talking about.
                  "You may all go to hell and I will go to Texas."
                  Davy Crockett

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                  • #10
                    quote:
                    Originally posted by Cockney Corner:
                    Though my daughter is still only tiny, I feel certain that when she grows older, if I find out she is seeing boys until she is, I don't know, 45, I'll get my colleagues to arrest the unlucky chap in question. My partner thinks I'm being over-protective. What do the rest of you think?

                    As far as I am concerned, it is better to be overprotective than to see your child hurt....Marc Klass and John Walsh think the same thing! I have a wee one myself, so I understand; you are an L.E.O and I studied too much psychology and sociology..we know what is out there!
                    "You may all go to hell and I will go to Texas."
                    Davy Crockett

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                    • #11
                      LEO, if you think your friend's life is in danger then you need to tell her parents but if you are just being a tattle tale, then prepare to lose a friend. That's how I look at it.
                      Dance like no one's watching -- Sing like no one's listening, and work like you don't need the money.

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                      • #12
                        I'm not having kids until I'm a cop.

                        The date meets Mr. Remington, Mr. EBR, and I before he goes anywhere with my child.

                        I follow around all night with the spotlight aimed at the car.

                        My wife refuses to have kids until I change my mind about the above conditions...she wants them to grow up "normal" and "healthy" *Sheesh*

                        It's a great scam to keep her from thinking of babies.
                        I haven't felt this good since we stole the 2000 elections!--Ned Flanders

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                        • #13
                          quote:
                          Originally posted by Lictalon:
                          I'm not having kids until I'm a cop.

                          The date meets Mr. Remington, Mr. EBR, and I before he goes anywhere with my child.



                          It just so happened that when I met my son's girlfriend for the first time, I was cleaning weapons AND my dogs were eating dinner (they eat raw food). She still talks about how she suppressed urge to run far, far away from that house. [Wink]

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                          • #14
                            A friend doesn't ask you to lie. Save her from herself and if she doesn't like it, TOO BAD!

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                            • #15
                              Thanx u guys/gals. I approched my friend and told her I wasn't gonna cover 4 her. Needless 2 say she's very angry with me. Her mom called me up & asked me what the problem was. I simply stated that her daughter was goin out & wanted me 2 cover 4 her & I wasn't comfortable with doing that, & I'm sure that she (the mom) isn't comfortable knowing that her daughter was out at all hrs of the night, either. "But I thought she was with you! " "No, ma'am, she's hardly ever over here." So she asked "It's that (blank) guy isn't it?" I told her it was. So, (I'm told by my mom) that her parents followed her out last night & watched her enter this guts house. The dad beat the door practically off the hinges & dragged their daughter outta there. And gave the guy some problems he hadn't had b4. Mt gal pal is very angery with me & her parents, but in time I hope she'll see the light, so 2 speak, & get her act 2gether. Meanwhile I'm studying this sociology book & gettin a real kick outta it.
                              M.E.

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