Divorce and the kids

[Mitzi]

My H is an umpire for T-Ball. He just loves it. He says he does sadden him how many divorced couples he sees. In our county, it was reported that 7 out of 10 mariages fail.
Tonight he had a really dicey situation. He heard a man and woman arguing so he walked over and told them to take it away from the kids. To make a long story short, this man had just remarried. His ex-wife HATES him and disputed his right to just come and get their son that night without notice.
As an inning ended, this woman ran up to her ex-H as he was coming off the field and just started screaming at him. My H ran over and told him he wasn't going to tell the again or he'd have to make her leave. My H said the woman then started screaming expletives at him and he told her he was giving her one minute to clear out or he'd call the police.
More expletives. So, my H had someone go call the police. Two officers arrived. It was ascertained the father had every right to be there with his son. The woman really got mad then. The cops asked my H did he want her out of there and he said yes. They gave her one minute and she did leave.
My H said the saddest thing is that her son, and all the other kids witnessed this.
Several years ago, cops had to be called when a man and his ex-wife started slugging it out by the dug out.
What is the matter with people?

[ 09-19-2002, 08:19 PM: Message edited by: Mitzi ]

[4n6det]

That's horrible. That poor kid is probably humiliated having all of his friends and their families witness that. Some people just have no common sense or consideration for their kids.

[Mitzi]

My H has been umpiring for 14 years. He could tell you some sad stories. But he also witnesses great families with great kids. He has a wonderful time doing it.

[MK219]

Man that [email protected]#$%. I guess I'm very very lucky. It may seem strange but when there is a function concerning my oldest daughter, i.e. open house, soft-ball, Parent teacher conferance,etc. There is 4 people there, My wife (the saint), my ex-wife and her husband, and me. It is not always easy, but for my daughter I will do anything!
It's cool this way, 1) my ex has a son with her husband,he always attends my daughters b-day parties.(her half sister, and the daughter I had with my wife). Plus her new husband is a dispatcher and interest in L.E. so we talk about that when we get together. As far as the Ex, I just shut up and smile

P.S. court gave me custody of our daughter.

[CinaC]

That's great you get along so well with your ex- and her new family! Your kids should all appreciate that as they get older.

[RachelR]

One of my good friends ahs been separated from his psycho wife for over a year now and the divorce still isn't final. He pays $2400 a month in child support for two kids and she still complains. We seriously think she has mental problems but she refuses to get help. They fight ALL THE TIME. It has gotten so bad, he pays someone to exchange the kids at custody transfers so he doesn't have to see her.

[MK219]

quote:

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Originally posted by RaychelR:
he pays someone to exchange the kids at custody transfers so he doesn't have to see her.

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Chuck E.Cheese every Sunday and Saturday, You see the same pathtic sight I feel bad for the kids.

[Mitzi]

Mortal, you are doing what all parents should do....puttting your daughter first. I know it must be hard to be around the exs new husband but the message she is getting is that her parents love her enough to put their differences behind them and behave like adults.
My best friends H left her after 27 years. She is like a sister to me and it was gut wrenching to watch her pain. She had to sell their beautiful home by herself (He and the new lady moved 8 hours away), find a job, find a new place to live and deal with this horrible pain. She had loved him very much. But, at each college graduation and wedding, she was the picture of dignity.
Her H (a true a**hole) refused to be in any picture she was in but she just smiled brightly in any picture she was in.
When he tried to have his picture taken with his son and new daughter-in-law AND the lady he had left her for, his son drew the line...Parents only.
It's been almost 5 years now. The new lady must have figured out what a jerk he is because she left him. He, OF COURSE, approached my friend about trying again but she asked him to please not contatc her about anything but the children. The kids saw their Mother act in a very dignified way. They rarely bother with their father. Being the jerk he is, he says my friend has bad mouthed him to them. Never occurred to him what he did to his family might make them have negative feelings for him.

[MK219]

Crazy, Mitzi,I wasn't looking for a complement, but thanks.
My oldest is only seven, she has seen my parents get divorced, her mother's parents divorced, and a few reletives pass away on her mother's side. The thing that gets me though is she is such a caring individual! Don't know where she gets it,( I'm not the approchable type )
She does ask if the four of us can get a house together. (NO WAY!) Or go on vacation together. Those are the "hard" times. The look of innocence in her eyes as she tries to fiqure out life and the B.S. that happens.
Not an expert on the subject, but if parents stop to see things as kids see them maybe there would be less divorce. And just for the record my ex left me, she wasn't done growing up yet Kids are suppose to be the result of love, not an inconveince of a failed relationship. This may sound extreme but, we have a waiting period to buy guns, there sould be one on having kids! Wait two years after marriage,if every thing works out,PoP them out.

[ 09-20-2002, 07:17 PM: Message edited by: Mortal Knight ]

[Mitzi]

In my city, the divorce rate is very high....7 out of 10 marriages fail a year.
My son has seen a long marriage. His ex-wife saw cheating and divorce. I remember her saying she couldn't figure out just who her real Dad was at times. Unfortunately, she followed their example. On some people, it works the opposite. They have a long marriage because their parents didn't.
It is sad that just anyone can have kids. When my best friends husband told her he wanted a divorce, she was in the kitchen. He was reading the newspaper and drinking coffee. He put his paper down and said, "I have something to tell you. I have been seeing someone for 2 years. I want a divorce." She stod there stunned while he called their 14 year old daughter down. He said, "Your Mother and I have decided to get a divorce. Do you have any questions?" She stood there stunned. He just went back to reading the newspaper and drinking his coffe while they stood there, too shattered to say anything.
The daughter finally ran to her room and cried herself to sleep. My friends H went to bed as usual, like no big deal. My friend called me and I went over and sat up with her all night. Practically all she could do was just stare. He got up and left for work like any other day.
Then my friend "woke" up. As tired as she was, she did 2 things that day. She saw an attorney and filed for seperate maintenance....and had all the locks changed on the doors. He was SO mad. But, seems as though he and his girlfriend had their own condo. When all was said and done, the b****** actually tried to sell it to my friend because he knew "she would have to find a place anyway".
The callousness of it was not to be believed. Her 2 older children did well with it but the youngest struggles.
Some people just do not a conscience. My ex-DIL could only feel her own pain. Her having an affair seemed like no big deal to her. It's all she had seen growing up.

[ 09-20-2002, 12:02 AM: Message edited by: Mitzi ]

[CinaC]

quote:

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Crazy, Mitzi, wasn't looking for a complement, but thanks.

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I know MITZI wasn't looking for a complement (well, maybe she was). I don't know if you were looking for a complement, but I hope if I'm ever in that situation, I'll be able to put the welfare of my kids above any grudge I may have with my ex- and her new partner.*

*Of course, this does assume a great deal about your split, but you and your ex- and both your new partners are to be commended with the way the situation has been handled.

[AutumnAngel]

I don't know. Maybe some people just can't move on. My ex husband and I divorced in May of 2000 and he completely ruined me financially along with being physically abusive. We split up when my daughter was 9 months old. We fought like cats and dogs trying to get custody but after that was over and the dust settled down we have been able to move on with our lives. He has a really sweet girlfriend (who actually deserves better in my opinion). As much as I can't stand him as a person, my daughter thinks that I think he is wonderful -- and that's all that really matters.

[MK219]

crazy,sorry for the misunderstanding I ment to say thanks to you and mitzi. And that I was not looking for one.

[ghost]

I was glad when my parents split up. Of course looking back on my mid teens, maybe I didn't take it as well as I think I did. Anyway. It was a relief. My parents didn't even fight that much, but you could sense the tension, and once they were apart, they were fine. My stepdad is awesome, so that worked out nice. My father just kind of disappeared after my 'rents split but it was just like, "Well, he's gone, I'm not gonna let him f*ck with me, buh-bye."

Kids are way tougher than adults give em credit for.

[Mitzi]

Bu they shouldn't have to be tough...They should be being kids. I admire parents that, even tho they are divorcing and even if they don't like each other very much, they are cordial to each other in front of the kids. It helps the kids so much.
I have a friend my age that never got over her parents divorcing. She was a "Daddy's" girl and her mother made sure she saw as little of him as possible to punish him. My friend is a very sad, tearful woman because of it.