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Darwin Awards 2002

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  • Darwin Awards 2002

    At last...
    Yes, the one we've all been waiting for - the Darwin Award 2002. The candidates have finally been released! For those not familiar with the "Darwin Award," it's an annual honor given to the person who provided the Universal human gene pool the biggest service by getting KILLED in the most extraordinarily stupid way.
    As always, competition this year has been keen again.
    Some candidates appear to have trained their whole lives for this event!

    DARWIN AWARD CANDIDATES

    1. In September in Detroit, a 41-year-old man got stuck and drowned in two feet of water after squeezing head first through an 18-inch-wide sewer grate to retrieve his car keys.

    2. In October, a 49-year-old San Francisco stockbroker, who "totally zoned out when he ran," accidentally jogged off a 100-foot-high cliff on his daily run.

    3. Buxton, NC: A man died on a beach when an 8-foot-deep hole he had dug into the sand caved in as he sat inside it. Beach goers said Daniel Jones, 21 dug the hole for fun, or protection from the wind, and had been sitting in a beach chair at the bottom Thursday afternoon when it collapsed, burying him beneath 5 feet of sand. People on the beach, on the outer banks, used their hands and shovels, trying to claw their way to Jones, a resident of Woodbridge, VA., but could not reach him. It took rescue workers using heavy equipment almost an hour to free him while about 200 people looked on. Jones was pronounced dead at a hospital.

    4. In February, Santiago Alvarado, 24, was killed in Lompoc, CA, as he fell face-first through the ceiling of bicycle shop he was burglarizing. Death was caused when the long flashlight he had placed in his mouth (to keep his hands free) rammed into the base of his skull as he hit the floor.

    5. According to police in Dahlonega, GA, ROTC cadet Nick Berrena, 20, was stabbed to death in January by fellow cadet Jeffrey Hoffman, 23, who was trying to prove that a knife could not penetrate the flak vest Berrena was wearing.

    6. Sylvester Briddell, Jr., 26, was killed in February in Selbyville,Del, as he won a bet with friends who said he would not put a revolver loaded with four bullets into his mouth and pull the trigger.

    7. In February, according to police in Windsor, Ontario, Daniel Kolta, 27, and Randy Taylor, 33, died in a head-on collision, thus earning a tie in the game of chicken they were playing with their snowmobiles.

    DARWIN AWARD HONOURABLE MENTIONS

    1. In Guthrie, Okla., in October, Jason Heck tried to kill a millipede with a shot from his 22-caliber rifle, but the bullet ricocheted off a rock near the hole and hit pal Antonio Martinez in the head, fracturing his skull.

    2. In Elyria, Ohio, in October, Martyn Eskins, attempting to clean out cobwebs in his basement declined to use a broom in favor of a propane torch and caused a fire that burned the first and second floors of his house.

    3. Paul Stiller, 47, was hospitalized in Andover Township, NJ, and his wife Bonnie was also injured, when a quarter-stick of dynamite blew up in their car. While driving around at 2 AM, the bored couple lit the dynamite and tried to toss it out the window to see what would happen, but apparently failed to notice the window was closed.

    RUNNER UP: TACOMA, WA -
    Kerry Bingham, had been drinking with several friends when one of them said they knew a person who had bungee-jumped from the Tacoma Narrows Bridge in the middle of traffic. The conversation grew more heated and at least 10 men trooped along the walkway of the bridge at 4:30 am. Upon arrival at the midpoint of the bridge they discovered that no one had brought a bungee rope. Bingham, who had continued drinking, volunteered and pointed out that a coil of lineman's cable lay nearby. One end of the cable was secured around Bingham's leg and the other end was tied to the bridge. His fall lasted 40 feet before the cable tightened and tore his foot off at the ankle. He miraculously survived his fall into the icy river water and was rescued by two nearby fishermen. "All I can say," said Bingham, "is that God was watching out for me on that night.

    There's just no other explanation for it." Bingham's foot was never located.

    AND THE WINNER:

    PADERBORN, GERMANY -

    Overzealous zookeeper Friedrich Riesfeldt fed his constipated elephant, Stefan, 22 doses of animal laxative and more than a bushel of berries, figs and prunes before the plugged-up pachyderm finally let fly and suffocated the keeper under 200 pounds of poop! Investigators say ill-fated Friedrich, 46, was attempting to give the ailing elephant an olive oil enema when the relieved beast unloaded on him. "The sheer force of the elephant's unexpected defecation knocked Mr. Riesfeldt to the ground, where he struck his head on a rock and lay unconscious as the elephant continued to evacuate his bowels on top of him," said flabbergasted Paderborn police detective Erik Dern. "With no one there to help him, he lay under all that dung for at least an hour before a watchman came along, and during that time he suffocated." It seems to be just one of those freak accidents that happen.

  • #2
    What's sad, is some of these winners lived long enough to breed.
    RADAR is the 8th wonder of the world.

    Comment


    • #3
      Not to take anything away from your credibility, C in a J, but this is total bunk.

      I didn't take the time to check them all out, but the elephant one is false. It started out as an article in the Weekly World News.

      Check out www.snopes2.com. They actually research this stuff and tell you if it's true or not.

      Other popular e-mail myths:

      A guy did NOT attach a jet engine to his car and crash into a cliff wall.

      Some terminally ill kid in PA is NOT trying to amass the world's largest collection of business cards before he succumbs to his illness (by the way, the hospital listed in that one is BEGGING people to stop sending business cards - they just burn them now).

      Coca-Cola (or Nestle, or Budweiser, or Disney) will NOT send you a free case (or chocolate bar, or six-pack or admission) if you will just send them your e-mail address.

      There are many, many, many more.
      Caution and worry never accomplished anything.

      Comment


      • #4
        http://www.darwinawards.com/

        I've been following these for the last few years. Some of them are so outrageous that they don't seem real. But they are funny none the less.
        On the wings of a dove
        Let's roll for justice
        Let's roll for truth
        Let's not let our children grow up
        Fearful in their youth -- Neil Young

        Comment


        • #5
          Kirch,

          I had that suspicion. #5 was attributed to a couple of Russians a few years ago....

          Comment

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