I MISS THOSE DAYS....

[Mrs. Fish]

Yesterday, I went out for lunch really late and when I was on my way back to work from lunch it was around 1430. There were yellow school buses everywhere and high school students getting off the buses going home. As I stopped waiting for the bus to hurry up and unload the students off the bus, I started to think about my high school days. It's been, now, what...5 years since I graduated high school and I'm looking at them thinking, GOSH, Why didn't I do certain things right. Why didn't I do this at that time and why did I do that at that time....all of the sudden I started to regret so many thing I've done in the past and hoped that I wouldn't regret more about the things I do in my life later on in the future when I turn 30 or 40. I remember the weight of the world was pounding on my shoulders without a father around and I started to get angry with myself and did a lot of things that hurt my mother. Not that I went off and did drugs and party day in and day out but I did say some things that hurt my mother deeply when I was really young. I remember in high school, I attempted suicide and when my mom came to rescue me, I told her that I hated my life and I didn't want to live and that I never asked to be brought into this world and blah blah blah......that incident changed our relationship dramatically....

sigh~~~......I wish I could go back to my high school years and change some things....

[Pigskin]

Don't we all. But what is done is done. It's how we deal with it that counts. You make a mistake, you learn from it & you try not to make it again. And you try to help others keep from making those same mistakes. I did some things I'm not proud of but I did some things I'm very proud of. There's ups & there's downs. That's life. From what I'm reading in your posts you seem to be doing pretty well emotionally, if not in other areas. Carry on & if you need any help with anything, we're here for you. And I think you know what to do about that Mom thing, don't you?

[Mrs. Fish]

Thank you, Pigskin. My mom and I can't be closer then we are right now. =) This past weekend I took my mom out for dinner/bar and we had a great time! It's like, I wish I could be a perfect daughter to her. Believe me, I lack so much to even be a perfect daughter, or even come close to it...it was just really hard for my mom, sister, brother and I when my father left us...

=) You are right and I try to help others not make the same mistake as I did because I know how it feels to regret it. My mother is the last person on this earth that I'd want to hurt and I just can't apologize to my mother enough for forgiveness....I'm sure she did though... =)

[Pigskin]

Sounds like you've got things well on track. I wasn't living at home when my Dad left my Mom for another woman. The sad thing is I'm closer to my Dad now than to my Mom because she was so bitter afterwards & took it out on everybody. I still see her from time to time (she lives a long way away) but there is still a gap. Plus I'm a guy & you know how badly we do with showing emotions & stuff. So who am I to give advice? Anyway, glad you & your Mom are doing well.

[Mrs. Fish]

Well, both my mother and I worked to get our relationship stable. I'm sorry that you are still distant with your mother yet I am glad that you are ok with your father. My father left my family when I was 14yoa and haven't seen or heard from him since. We had nothing, we were on welfare...Mom barely spoke English and since I'm the oldest I felt like I was responsible for my little kid sister and brother and my mom...trying to be a translator, a student, a sister, a father-figure....the man of the house...

I don't know how I feel about my father or ever what kind of life he's living...if he's happy with another woman or if I even have a half brother or sister, whom I'd like to meet if he does have kids with another woman...so many questions arise when I think about him....sigh~~

Oh well, it's all in the past so whatever....

[jellybean40]

Dont regret anything! i dont believe in regrets, they're a waste of time, and dont accomplish anything. the only thing we can get from the past is to learn from it, and look ahead to the future.

5 years out of high school?? i just got my notice for my 25th reunion! do you think this is how i saw my life at 43 years old...lifting 70 pound boxes 7 hours a day so i could support myself? no, i saw myself married, working part-time, tending to my garden, and us boating in our leisure time. well, the marriage didnt work, and life goes on.

we make our own happiness, and have to learn to enjoy our lives however they may be. i find some kind of happiness in each day...no matter how small it may be on some days!

and remember, only YOU can make your life what you want it to be. like Katherine Hepburn said, "you paddle your own canoe, ya know."

[Mrs. Fish]

quote:

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Sometimes... I wish I was smart, I wish I made cures for how people are. I wish I had power, I wish I could leave, I wish I could change the world for you and me... ~~Boxcar Racer

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I so like that quote.....yes indeed, life is a living experience.

I wish all well. =)

[Jim Burnes]

Do you wish you were a Tin Man?