share funny cop stories

[PC198]

Ok heres one for you.
It was my first week in the force I was standing outside the car with another officer it was approx 01:35 on a saturday.
We where outside a night club in the town I work in waiting for the drunk yobs to come staggering out of the club when it closed.
Well all of a sudden a car went by us in the street at what must have been close to 100MPH so we jumped into the car as quickly as possible I was in the passenger side I slammed the door shut and there was an almighty bang!
I had jumped in so fast I forgot to remove my PR-24 baton on my left hand side and it was now in the door.
I have to hand it to Monadnock the baton didnt have a mark on it but the door was a differnt story, It had bent the bodywork outwards and was not pritty.
So there you have it even now I get jokes from the female officers about "keeping my big stick in the car!"

[Jean]

A friend sent me this today:
KILLER BISCUITS WANTED FOR ATTEMPTED MURDER(the actual AP headline)
Lisa B-----t, 23, a resident of San Diego, was visiting her in-laws, and while there went to a nearby supermarket to pick up some groceries.
Several people noticed her sitting in her car with the windows rolled up and her eyes closed and with both hands on the back of her head.
One customer who had been at the store for awhile, became concerned and walked over to the car. He noticed that Lisa's eyes were now open and she looked very strange. He asked her if she was okay, and Lisa replied that she had been shot in the back of the head, and had been holding her brains in for over an hour. The man called the paramedics, who broke into the car because the doors were locked and Lisa refused to move her hands from her head.
A Pillsbury biscuit canister had exploded from the heat, making a loud noise that sounded like a gunshot, and the wad of dough hit her in back of the head.
When she reached back to find out what it was, she felt the dough and thought it was her brains. She initially passed out but, quickly recovered and tried to hold her brains in for over an hour until someone noticed and came to her aid.

And yes, Lisa is a blonde.
_____________________________________________
Nothing against blondes. I use to be one. That was included in the write-up. This made me laugh so hard that I had to share it with you.

[poproc]

We were executing no-knock search warrant on a known drug house. As the ram man hit the door one of the residents decided to take a look out the peep hole. Bam! The guy hit the
wall behind the door then fell back against the door and collapsed in a heap. The ram guy thinks someones trying to hold the door shut and blasts the door again! Poor guy ended up with a concussion!

[Mitzi]

Lol, Jean! I shouldn't laugh. But, believe me, you haven't been the only one ever be caught in a compromising situation. My mother one time thought she caught me and my husband and we were doing nothing. We decided to lay out on the sundeck and the only way to it was to walk through my brother's bedroom. She walked in from lunch as we were going out there and refused to listen to our real explanation.
Only problem was, I was grounded so much and she had taken so much, she couldn't come up with anything to take away. I tried not to smirk but she saw me so I was banished to my room. Only, I liked my room! LOL! I could get in trouble for just looking at her, she was so strict. I'm 51 now and I think I'm STILL grounded! lol! It was a total joke. She would ground me for 6 weeks at a time and it meant nothing to me because I knew it was just to keep me in the house. A happy childhood I did not have but I had my moments of revenge....Like when she said, "Just for that....uh...." And couldn't think of anything else to take away! LOL!

[Jean]

[ I would think being "caught in the act" must be so embarassing! lol!]

Mitzi, Believe me, it is.

[DMS 525]

I'd hate to be the cop who had to investigate this malicious mischief/vandalism report. Seems the victim had this Pontiac GTO, better known to all the muscle car fans as a "Goat."
Someone had kidnapped the biggest, orneriest, most stinking billy goat a local farmer had, fed it 2 boxes of Ex-Lax, and put it in the car while the owner was working his shift at a local Sara Lee plant.
Near as one could tell, the goat crapped his brains out, ate and/or tore up most of the uphoulstery inside the car, and crapped again! I'll bet the owner had a hell of a time explaining that to his insurance company.

Perhaps he also realized how wrong it was to sneak over to his brother's place in the middle of the night, vandalize his brother's pickup and steal a new battery from it, and then kidnap a coon hound worth about $500.

That was a friend of mine; I didn't take part(not that I didn't give him the idea, and told him where he could get the goat! ).

[goodside]

Make sure that you identify the suspect with reasonable certainity on the face of the warrant. Suspect is about 3' tall, with a white in color coat, missing one ear. Same is to be considered extremely dangerous.

[Don]

Patrick,

Obviously the handle of "Goat Roper" would not fit you too well!

------------------
I used to have an open mind - but my brains kept falling out.

6P1 (retired)

[Delta_V]

Originally posted by gracedawn:
probably because they never followed up on it. Sorry to say it but a person could definetly get away with murder here.

Oh well. You did your job, and if the detectives didn't care enough about a death to investigate it further, there's not much you can do.

[Mitzi]

I was at the Fair once and almost bought a goat home with me. She was the sweetest little thing and kept following me around, wanting me to pet her. Same with a goode.....Guess I speak goosese! But, I could see where a goat could be dangerous. This one wasn't tho....She was SO sweet!

[gracedawn]

Well patrick Like watchman said goats can be dangerous. I just did my best with the invesitgation. I estimated that the place of rest was indeed were she fell originally (to the best of my abillity) took measurements and photoes. I checked the body for as many injuries I could observe and took into consideration severety of injury and age of victim. vic. feeds the wild domestic cats at the ranch that time of morning. I found an empty dish used for feeding the cats and no cat food around. Also through limited info from hostile familly learned that other familly members feed the goat every morning and that the goat had not been fed yet that morn. Together I devolped a scenerio of the following:

vic. small, elderly and ambulatory but occationally utilizes a cane (cane not on scene). Early morning and the goat (full size male with nubs) had not been feed yet. vic goes outside with cat food and goat bucks her several times. This was consitant with knot on vic head. the goats ear tag could be consistant with the laceration on vic. right hand (defen wound) (note vic. had very thin skin). Several breaks; femoral and ribs.......that was consisted with goat bucking vic.....Goats when being hostile will continue to buck and kick until they are inturrupted or just done. Anyhow I will never really know if the familly knocked her off and set up the scene. Due to Officer Saftey reasons I was not able to examine the house or full perimeter of property. The report was forwarded to Detectives and the evidence also. Also I forgot to tell you that I cut off the goats ear with tag for evidence. There was blood (red substance) on the ear tag. I don't know if it was checked to belong to vic.


(edited 07-07-2001).][/b][/QUOTE]

[This message has been edited by gracedawn (edited 07-07-2001).]

[ 08-05-2001: Message edited by: gracedawn ]

[Watchman]

Patrick..

you a city slicker or what ?
A goat can and will tear you up if he gets the urge.

They can be the meanest ,nastiest, orneriest and stinkinist critters on earth. If one comes after you, you will lose the battle...

Be advised !

[Delta_V]

grace,

How did the investigation turn out? Was it proven that the goat killed the woman, or did the family do it and try to cover it up? It just sounds strange...one of my friends has a farm with goats, sheep, horses and cows, and I've never heard of any of them being violent towards people. I didn't even think that goats had horns...

[This message has been edited by PatrickM98 (edited 07-07-2001).]

[Barkley]

I was working a night shift with my partner three summers ago in a resort town here in Alberta. It was a hot summer night.The bars were hopping, lots of people milling about enjoying the nightlife.

My partner was speaking with some tourists when behind me, I hear a crash as two bar staff haul this big old guy out of the bar.
I watch to see if this fellow is going to be a problem. As soon as the bar staff are back to work and a group of people had gathered infront of the bar,our friend tries to slip back in with the crowd. I strolled up to the bar and asked this guy if he would please come with me. He does and I explain to him what he already knows. He is not welcome in the bar. With a stearn look he says to me "You cops look down on the working man!"
Being the great P/R guy that I am I tell him that that is not true. I explain that I have done this and that and a few other things.
Buddy pauses for a second and with the stench of liquor on his breath and a glare in his glazed over eye, replies "How come you young kids cant keep a job?!"
************************************************** **************
M.H.K

[gracedawn]

I have a morbidly funny story, as follows:

I work in a remote area and recieved a call of a "natural death" (I know dosn't sound right) anyhow 3 hours driving time to arrive and whole familly there. Hostile imbread familly that is. To make a long story short the deceased was there "gramma". She was laying in feild with multiple contusions, lacerations and broken bones. The family tells me that they found her there that morning and that the pet goat must have killed her. They said that the goat had blood on his horns. I asked where the goat was and they pointed to the barn and said,"Right over yander, we dun shot him to death". Keep in mind that my only communication was via radio and when I advised dispatch to relay info to Detectives about situation (not natural death) you could hear someone in dispatch was laughing. "Homicide by goat" oh dear. anyway my only back up was the assistant coroner. The Detectives were unable to come out. I processed the scene and obtained the body parts of the goat needed as evidence "instrument of injury".......Kinda sick but true...

Originally posted by lazer7:
you got any.

[ 08-05-2001: Message edited by: gracedawn ]