share funny cop stories

[Don]

Patrick,

Obviously the handle of "Goat Roper" would not fit you too well!

------------------
I used to have an open mind - but my brains kept falling out.

6P1 (retired)

[goodside]

Make sure that you identify the suspect with reasonable certainity on the face of the warrant. Suspect is about 3' tall, with a white in color coat, missing one ear. Same is to be considered extremely dangerous.

[DMS 525]

I'd hate to be the cop who had to investigate this malicious mischief/vandalism report. Seems the victim had this Pontiac GTO, better known to all the muscle car fans as a "Goat."
Someone had kidnapped the biggest, orneriest, most stinking billy goat a local farmer had, fed it 2 boxes of Ex-Lax, and put it in the car while the owner was working his shift at a local Sara Lee plant.
Near as one could tell, the goat crapped his brains out, ate and/or tore up most of the uphoulstery inside the car, and crapped again! I'll bet the owner had a hell of a time explaining that to his insurance company.

Perhaps he also realized how wrong it was to sneak over to his brother's place in the middle of the night, vandalize his brother's pickup and steal a new battery from it, and then kidnap a coon hound worth about $500.

That was a friend of mine; I didn't take part(not that I didn't give him the idea, and told him where he could get the goat! ).

[Jean]

[ I would think being "caught in the act" must be so embarassing! lol!]

Mitzi, Believe me, it is.

[Mitzi]

Lol, Jean! I shouldn't laugh. But, believe me, you haven't been the only one ever be caught in a compromising situation. My mother one time thought she caught me and my husband and we were doing nothing. We decided to lay out on the sundeck and the only way to it was to walk through my brother's bedroom. She walked in from lunch as we were going out there and refused to listen to our real explanation.
Only problem was, I was grounded so much and she had taken so much, she couldn't come up with anything to take away. I tried not to smirk but she saw me so I was banished to my room. Only, I liked my room! LOL! I could get in trouble for just looking at her, she was so strict. I'm 51 now and I think I'm STILL grounded! lol! It was a total joke. She would ground me for 6 weeks at a time and it meant nothing to me because I knew it was just to keep me in the house. A happy childhood I did not have but I had my moments of revenge....Like when she said, "Just for that....uh...." And couldn't think of anything else to take away! LOL!

[poproc]

We were executing no-knock search warrant on a known drug house. As the ram man hit the door one of the residents decided to take a look out the peep hole. Bam! The guy hit the
wall behind the door then fell back against the door and collapsed in a heap. The ram guy thinks someones trying to hold the door shut and blasts the door again! Poor guy ended up with a concussion!

[Jean]

A friend sent me this today:
KILLER BISCUITS WANTED FOR ATTEMPTED MURDER(the actual AP headline)
Lisa B-----t, 23, a resident of San Diego, was visiting her in-laws, and while there went to a nearby supermarket to pick up some groceries.
Several people noticed her sitting in her car with the windows rolled up and her eyes closed and with both hands on the back of her head.
One customer who had been at the store for awhile, became concerned and walked over to the car. He noticed that Lisa's eyes were now open and she looked very strange. He asked her if she was okay, and Lisa replied that she had been shot in the back of the head, and had been holding her brains in for over an hour. The man called the paramedics, who broke into the car because the doors were locked and Lisa refused to move her hands from her head.
A Pillsbury biscuit canister had exploded from the heat, making a loud noise that sounded like a gunshot, and the wad of dough hit her in back of the head.
When she reached back to find out what it was, she felt the dough and thought it was her brains. She initially passed out but, quickly recovered and tried to hold her brains in for over an hour until someone noticed and came to her aid.

And yes, Lisa is a blonde.
_____________________________________________
Nothing against blondes. I use to be one. That was included in the write-up. This made me laugh so hard that I had to share it with you.

[PC198]

Ok heres one for you.
It was my first week in the force I was standing outside the car with another officer it was approx 01:35 on a saturday.
We where outside a night club in the town I work in waiting for the drunk yobs to come staggering out of the club when it closed.
Well all of a sudden a car went by us in the street at what must have been close to 100MPH so we jumped into the car as quickly as possible I was in the passenger side I slammed the door shut and there was an almighty bang!
I had jumped in so fast I forgot to remove my PR-24 baton on my left hand side and it was now in the door.
I have to hand it to Monadnock the baton didnt have a mark on it but the door was a differnt story, It had bent the bodywork outwards and was not pritty.
So there you have it even now I get jokes from the female officers about "keeping my big stick in the car!"