Any advice for me?

[Mitzi]

I know many of you see a lot of things out there. But, I have a problem I'm not sure what do do about. My son (24) just told me that he is dating an 18 year old colege student. She just now graduated from high school. I don't think he sees the pitfalls and I did expect him to have a lot mmore common sense then this, especially after what he went through.
I know he is an adult (!) and I have not said anything. Does anyone have any advice for this very worried mother?

[Don]

YES, a THOUSAND TIMES YES. If she is 18 she is legal. Mitzi, unless you really have a reason such as knowing she is a doper, or whatever keep out of it.

Mitzi he is 24 years old. I was on my second marriage and had kids by that age! Don't you think it's time to cut the apron strings?

I know you love him. But for his sake and for your own, let him grow up.

And PLEASE don't send Bubba after me for this post!

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I used to have an open mind - but my brains kept falling out.

6P1 (retired)

[Mitzi]

I have said nothing to him, Don and I won't. But, remember, he still lives with us. He is minimally brain damaged from his brain tumor and faces more brain surgery within the next 2 months. I know when to keep my mouth shut, even tho it doesn't seem like it.

[Niteshift]

6 year age difference? I can think of a lot of couples I know with a bigger age difference than that.

Let him make his own decisions. If it's a mistake, it will be his mistake.

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Niteshift-
Where am I to go now that I've gone too far.

[Don]

Mitzi,

If you need to unload I think we can all understand it. Do it here, or by email to ME, but not to him.

What Nite said! As a matter of fact my wife and I have a bigger age difference!

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I used to have an open mind - but my brains kept falling out.

6P1 (retired)

[Darkwulfe]

I don't see what you need help with. In my mind there should be no problem with that relationship. I am 4 years older then my spouse. My parents are 8 years apart. It may work, it may not. I don't see it being your problem though, regardless if he is still living at home or not. He is 24, she is 18, they are both adults let them figure it out on their own. If he comes to you with questions be supportive, but let him live his own life.

[Mitzi]

He became ill when he was 14 and had brain surgery when he was 17. He married at 20 and divorced at 21 when he caught his wife with another man. We were there for him through all of this. Now, he faces more brain surgery. All three of us are very very close. We have not said one word to him. I really would hate to see him go through more pain. She called the house tonight, wanting him to buy her and her girlfriends liquor. He told her no. But, my bet is, he will sooner or later.
It's just stressful with all of us living in the same house. When he is well and can afford to, he will be moving out. Then, it will be better for us and him, I'm sure.

[Delta_V]

As a person around his age, I wouldn't worry about it if I were you. I like younger girls too (no, not those under 18!!), I think most guys do. As long as he's been straight with her about his past, then there really isn't any problem. My mom and dad are 5 years apart and have been married for almost 27 years (they met when my mom was 18 and married when she was 20). Age doesn't mean maturity...I've seen 16 year olds more mature than some 24 year olds.

As to the liquor thing...let him do what he thinks is right. I did that on occasion for some guys in my fraternity when I turned 21, but only if they lived in the house (so they wouldn't be driving afterwards) and if they weren't the ones who got disorderly when drinking. Believe me, if she's in college there will be 100 other people who would be more than willing to provide her with alcohol. Like I said, maturity doesn't necessarily come with age. I know 21 year olds who go to bars, get drunk, and drive home every week. I also know 18 year olds who drink in moderation and never get behind the wheel of a car after having a drop.

[This message has been edited by PatrickM98 (edited 07-01-2001).]

[Mitzi]

My son just talked to me. He came out of his room and said, "I'll grow up if you turn the TV down." lol He told me that he knew me well enough to know I was worried. I really didn't know what to say. I just told him that the last 10 years had been hard on all of us and it was still hard not to be protective.
I was kind of amused at the attitude he had. He just smiled at me and sighed and said, "You are always gonna be a mother, aren't you, Mom." lol I asked him when that was supposed to end? He just smiled and headed out the door.
As for me, I would just hate to see him go through more then he has already been through. But, he has to learn like I did.
I'm going to eat more ice cream.

[GDenman]

We were cleaning out the attic this weekend & ran across a box with our boys' old clothes in it. The first bathing suit our youngest (he's 24 now) had & t-shirts they wore as teenagers & all kinds of other stuff. My wife ooo'd & aah'd all day. She just had to wash them & repack them. I was going, "What for?", mainly to tease her. But it's a mommy thing. She still calls the youngest (since he lives here in town) to tell him she cooked something or other & there is more than enough for him if he wants to come by & get it. Even though he has a wife that can & does cook (evident by his large figure). Anyway, you won't quit being a mother & that means worrying about everything they do from now on.

Don't worry though about the age thing. It will work out. Either he will see her for awhile & then they'll break up or he will marry her & they will live happily ever after. My oldest set my wife into a tizzy when he was 18 & became engaged to a 26 yr. old woman. She couldn't stand it but it didn't take long for them to see that it wouldn't work out.

Then there's my grandparents. Married 51 yrs. & raised 10 kids. When they married in 1905 he was 22 & she was 14!

[Don]

Originally posted by GDenman:
Then there's my grandparents. Married 51 yrs. & raised 10 kids. When they married in 1905 he was 22 & she was 14!

This really wasn't that uncommon back then. Folks did tend to get married at a very young age. And marriages seemed to stay together. I don't know if it was because of the "stigma" of divorce back then, or if folks were just more committed.

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I used to have an open mind - but my brains kept falling out.

6P1 (retired)

[GDenman]

That's true. Young girls reached marrying age when they could take care of a household & have kids. Often times marrying somewhat older men who were looking for a younger woman to have children who could grow up & help on a farm. And to their credit, the first child wasn't born until two years after the marriage.

[Jim Burnes]

It was more for security of the family unit, to allow for a woman to raise the children and the man to farm; People died of minor illness in the early 1900s, and the remaining spouse had to remarry quickly so as to protect the families interests.

Girls married young because they were physically stronger for a longer period of their lives.

Jim Burnes

[Mitzi]

My father was one of 12 kids.....8 boys and 4 girls. All worked the farm. I can't say it was a happy life, tho. Only 3 are left now.

[ftrphxcop]

It will be ok Mitzi, 6 years is good.

It could be like my boss, He's like 50 something and his girlfriend is 26. Some guys say this is (LUCKY). And some girls say this is disgusting. She is one year older than his daughter. I say to each his own!