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Inventions we hate


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  • Inventions we hate

    What "modern" marvels do we hate?

    I'll start with those dam hand dryers in the bathroom. They never do the job and you end up drying your hands on your pants. Those who don't dry their hands on their pants leave us a nice, wet door handle to grab (assuming that the wetness was from the sink).

  • #2
    I always TELL myself it's from handwashing...
    People have more fun than anybody.


    • #3
      You guys actually wash your hands?


      • #4
        Ewwww, I won't even touch a public door handle after I've washed my hands. I'll grab a paper towel or tisses first, then pull open the door. I don't even touch the faucet to turn it off after I've washed my hands. Too many germs.

        As for inventions, there are a few out for women that have to do with the hair that I would never waste my time using (Braidini). Useless and a waste of money.

        [ 10-18-2001: Message edited by: kateykakes ]


        • #5
          Heres is a detailed manual on a mission I call Operation Germ Free

          Phase One: The Drop
          When I infiltrate a public restroom the first thing I do is get the lay of the land, I check the sink and look to be sure there is a fresh supply of paper towels, once the intel has been gathered I approach the toilet, make contact, flush using my foot and quickly evacuate.

          Phase Two: Brown Paper
          Now onto the sink, when I approach I check to see what type of paper towel dispenser I am dealing with. If it is a straight pull down dispenser its a fairly easy op, if its a crank operated dispenser it is a little bit trickier, I have to crank out enough paper towel to dry my hands and have some excess.

          Phase Three: The White Wash
          I then wash my hands, once the hands have been washed I then take one piece of paper towel and dry my hands, with the same piece of paper towel I turn off the sink, that way I dont actually touch the sink once my hands have been washed, the contaminated paper towel then gets discarded and I grab a clean paper towel or the excess paper towel I cranked off earlier.

          Phase Four: The Getaway
          When I exfiltrate the bathroom I use the second paper towel on the door knob to open the door, once the door is open I use my foot to prop it open while I discard the second paper towel.

          Now in performing this operation you have to be very alert to your surroundings, on one particular occasion I was in a bathroom with a crank operated dispenser and I had rolled off enough paper towel to accomplish the mission objectives of Phase Two, and moved on to Phase Three and began washing my hands. While in the middle of Phase Three an unknown operative approached my location and acquired the paper towel I had cranked out of the dispenser without cranking out any new paper towels. I had to eliminate the unknown operative and then go back and repeat Phase Two and Phase Three all over again.

          In the event there are no paper towels I substitute toilet paper to successfully complete the mission, a mans got to do what a mans got to do!!!!!!


          • #6

            Voice mail
            Automated phone menus("Your call is very important to us..." If it's so F'ing important, why don't you have a warm body answering the D*** phones!)
            Automated dialers("please stand by for a very important message")

            Do we REALLY need an hour and a half of local news?
            Infomercials(wouldn't be so bad if they were half way believeable)

            Clear taillight lenses
            Under car neons
            Whale tail spoilers for a Geo Metro(or similar economy car)
            Grocery store scanners(yeah...real time saver there, huh? )
            Pay at the pump(it's a great concept, but it would be nice if more stations let you know that it's not working before you pump. Or, worse yet, after you pump, it tells you to go inside for the receipt )

            I'm SOOOOOOOO there's more...


            • #7
              The internet comes to mind....it's NEVER up at school when my classes are scheduled to be using the computer lab.
              "When you guys get home and face an anti-war protester, look him in the eyes and shake his hand. Then, wink at his girlfriend, because she knows she's dating a *****."
              -Commanding General, 1st Marine Division


              • #8
                "I won't even touch a public door handle after I've washed my hands. I'll grab a paper towel or tisses first, then pull open the door."

                What paper towels? They have a f-ing electric dryer! That's the problem.

                "Automated dialers"

                Oh yeah.....call ME to put ME on hold? I don't think so.

                "Whale tail spoilers for a Geo Metro"

                Talk about putting a dress on a pig....

                "Grocery store scanners"

                Don't forget the other problem those damn things cause.......nothing has the price on it. So you have to hope it's on the shelf, then you have to read retailese to figure out if the price is for the item you want......


                • #9
                  FLLawdog hit it:

                  Automated answering menus and automated dialers.When I first saw this post EARLY this morning, I racked my brain and could not come up with a single "invention" that I "hated." But he has jarred my memory!

                  Answering "menus"-ESPECIALLY ones that have been so rigged that you can never, in no way, EVER get to a human.

                  I encountered one a few weeks ago on a stolen bank card case, and was notified by the bank it had been used. I tried to call the bank (using the number THEY gave her) to find out where it was used and if there were security tapes available, and I was on the "MENU" for over thirty minutes-no exxageration! And I have yet to talk with a human, or find out anything. I was stuck in a continuos loop of options that led back into one another. "Hold" is bad enough, but I was following their options, and none led to what I needed, or a human.

                  I finally called the local branch, and they gave me the number directly to the Fraud Division. I called it...and it was the exact same recording, and started the process all over again! Never got a human-closed case out.

                  It would be, HOWEVER, unprofessional of me to name the bank in a public forum.

                  BANK OF AMERICA!

                  And those automated dialers! Since I equivalate telemarketers with child molesters, then exponentially, the automated dialer they are now using is the equivalent of an automated child locater, being used by a child molester.

                  I actually heard a telemarketer complaining on the radio once about how rude people were to him, and went on to espouse that "that was his job," "that people could at least be patient and tolerant," blahblahblah.

                  Kiss MYBUTT...

                  I'm sorry to any of my friends here if this offends you, but I do not apoligize to telemarketers in general. I have an unlisted number for a reason, and yes their calling me at home is unreasonable. I used to tell them, as well as door-to-door types, "I don't care WHAT you are selling-vaccuums, encyclopedias, storm windows, or God-if I want it I'll come to you."

                  Sorry...it just fired the ole' rockets. I hate 'em, and do NOT have to be "tolerant."
                  People have more fun than anybody.


                  • #10
                    Computers are starting to rate real high although it's a definite love-hate relationship. Kind of like a wife...you can't do without them & you can't kill them.


                    • #11
                      Telemarketers and the phones they rode in on!
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                      • #12
                        Originally posted by kateykakes:
                        I won't even touch a public door handle after I've washed my hands.
                        It's funny this topic would come up today. I was on my way out of the bathroom this morning at work and I happened to look at the door knob and noticed that there was "water" on it. I tried another way of getting out. I attemped to kick the kickplate on the door to get it to open.
                        That didn't work. I usually open the door with my lefthand. So any eating or anything I do is with my righthand. Then, no germs passed during eating.
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                        • #13
                          I forget which comedian it was, but I have adopted their approach with telemarketers and door-to-door sales.

                          Ask the telemarketer what their home phone number is so that you can call back. When they tell you that they don't give that number out for customers to call them at home, then tell them "Now you know how I feel." and hang up.

                          Same for door-to-door. "I'm not sure. What's your address and I'll come buy later to take a look."

                          Reply: "You can't just come to my house."

                          To which you say, "Then why did you think you can come to mine?"

                          I had one door-to-door guy come to the house and give me a schpiel about "voting" for him by buying a magaizine. He kept giving me the double talk and I told him to leave. He called me an a-hole.....the rest is in the police report and ER Intake. (I sure had fun on that one!) He was yelling like a girlie while I called the station. Then when the guys showed up, we were all, "Hey Jim!" and "Hey Sparky!" and his eyes got real big! Some things are really priceless. I meant to take a photo, but he was bleeding alot from the nose ring getting pulled (somehow) from his nose so they took him to the ER.

                          Other things you can do that i am slowly working on:


                          1. When they call...cry and whimper. Tell them that you knew God would send a sign since you are holding a gun and was about to kill yourself. You prayed for a sign and then the phone rang and it was them. Keep calling them Gabriel (as in the Angel). Keep in mind that the worst thing you can do to a TM is waste their time...so regale them for as long as possible with your tale of woe, but don't get too unbelieveable. If you think they are about to disconnect, just moan and say you're about to "do it" again.

                          2. Pant and moan as if you are "getting your freak on". Every know and then...make a slapping sound and yell, "Who's your daddy?" This can be especially fun if you get the spouse involved with the effects.

                          3. Tell them you'll buy whatever it is they're selling, but when it comes time to pay, ask them about what else they have to sell. Milk this as long as you can until they pin you down for credit card info. Then tell them you don't have a credit card because you beleive they are the DEVIL!!! then when they suggest a check, tell them you don't go use banks because they are THE DEVIL!!! If they suggest a Money Order, then you're okay with that because the Post Office is good, but buy this time, you have come to believe that the TM is THE DEVIL!!! trying to get you to use credit cards and checks!!

                          For door-to-door types:

                          1. Go buy a zippered S&M mask and keep it by the door. Put the mask on before you answer it.

                          2. Yank the door open..."So YOU'RE the one that's been coming around f***ing MY WIFE!" A classic!

                          3. Smile Big. Keep one hand down your pants. Lick your lips alot. Ask them to come in the house because you are alone.

                          4. Ask them if "Dan" sent them. Ask where your "package" is. When they don't know (of course) accuse them of being undercover cops.

                          HAVE FUN EVERYONE!


                          • #14
                            ROFLMAO!! You are comical as heck Sparky. I'm sitting at my desk trying very hard not to bust out laughing!

                            Sgt. Dave, I'm like you, I've been trying to think of something since I read this post this morning. Everyone that has been mentioned so far though is one that I hate.

                            I once saw these instructions on a hand dryer in a fast food restaurant:

                            1. Press (here) to turn dryer on
                            2. Place hands under dryer
                            3. Wring hands together
                            4. Wipe hands on pants (this was handwritten on the machine in ink pen!)


                            When I answer the phone and realize it's "one of them" I interrupt their sales pitch by yelling "I'm a vegetarian!" Of course I'm not a vegetarian, but they are usually so thrown off by this that they just hang up.

                            Automated Dialing:

                            I'm with Niteshift. You gonna call me and put ME on hold?? I think not! **click**

                            [ 10-18-2001: Message edited by: Summer Rain ]


                            • #15
                              I heard a comedian once say he always tells door to door types "Yeah, sounds good. I'm about to take a bath, come on in and lets get a bath together-I always talk business in the bathtub." (Step aside and gesture convincingly at this point, and stay on bthem, and be insistant) "Come on, let's get a bath and talk about it. Get in here and LETS TAKE A BATH!"

                              I've noticed Jehovah's Witnesses are now bringing kids to the door with them, ostensibly to make you uncomfortable telling them off. I would feel more comfortable using the bath thing than getting angry and telling them off "for the sake of the children."
                              People have more fun than anybody.


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