YOUR OPINIONS PLEASE

[Tprspouse]

I've always thought that my dentist pushed the needle in a little bit extra, just for my discomfort, as if to say "you have a cavity, you will pay". I shrugged it off. A few weeks ago I decided I might start looking for another dentist. There's just something about the guy I didn't like and I couldn't put my finger on it.

Well, today...dawn over marblehead. He's not my dentist anymore and I am actually thinking about reporting him to the state board of dental examiners.

My son, who is 6 needed to go to the dentist today to get a cavity filled. First of all, this was his first cavity and he was scared to death. He was all upset and was afraid. He was crying really hard. Ya know what this dentist did to my son? He made him feel better by saying, "if you don't let me do it, I will have to send you to Dr. ****** who will tie you down in a chair and not let your mommy in the room with you. He won't put up with this crap". And he went on to say things like, "It's your own fault. You did this to yourself by eating candy, now you have to get your teeth fixed". By now my son was screaming. The dentist took off his gloves and mask and said, "forget it".

So, the first thing that I did was call this other dentist, who is a specialist in pediatric dentistry. He can relate to children and makes going to the dentist a pleasant experience. I told them that I was referred to him by Dr. ********, but before I made an appointment I'd like to clear up a few things. I asked if they tie children up in the chair (restrain) them if they can't cooperate very well. They said that Dr. ******** will be hearing from them because it was a blatant lie! So not only was my dentist making my son more scared, but he was defaming this other dentist in front of me and my son and everyone else that was there! He was using a lie to keep my son in HIS chair. Obviously Dr. ******** doesn't want to send his clients to someone else and was a bit tiffed. Secondly, not only was that a lie, but the reason Mom's and Dad's are generally (not always, each case is different) not allowed in the room is because there are 3 chairs and the dentist and hygenist are always working together and there is not enough room to keep the parents of all 3 kids around. There'd be no place to work. They do not and have not EVER restrained a child. They've used a mild sedative or a few breaths of the laughing gas, because face it...cavities need to be filled whether one likes it or not. Not only do they not restrain kids and keep them from their mommies, but they have cartoons on the wall in front of the chairs and the children are allowed to play with toys while the dentist is working on their teeth.

I wrote a letter to my dentist stating that we are not patients of his anymore. So not only are they going to hear from me, they are going to hear from this other dentist who is completely ****ed off.

I am so angry I feel like reporting him to our state's board. Nobody who treats children like this by using mental abuse and making up lies to better his own practice should be allowed to practice any kind of medicine at all.

Just wanted to get your thoughts on what I should do. I haven't sent the letter yet, nor have I reported him.

[ 10-28-2002, 09:43 PM: Message edited by: Tprspouse ]

[Mike Tx]

I would have ripped his balls off for scaring the kid like that. Or at least scared him.

[OfcMikey]

Sounds like are real jerk to me.
I'd report him, after I had stangled him for doing that to my kid.

[Tprspouse]

http://www.vtprofessionals.org/opr1/dentists/dentrule.html#3.8

Would you consider his behavior to be described as any of these? I was thinking "immoral conduct in a professional practice". Part of the definition of immoral is dishonest, but I am not sure what their definition is.

It sounds more tempting by the hour...

[Mitzi]

I would have told him to lock the doors when my H found out what he said cause he would have ripped his head off. Report him to the board. That was abusive and WAY out of line. Do it so he doesn't say it to other kids cause he WILL. I wonder what he says when parents AREN'T present? This can scar a child for life if it's not handled properly.
I just went to one that really skirted ethics. He wanted to do TEN THOUSAND dollars of work to my mouth. I said, "WHAT????????????????????" And not only would he do a beautiful job, he'd LEND me the ten thousand dollars, at a very resonable interest rate, of course. I was SO mad. He wanted to make this huge profit off of me, then another one.
I said, "Well, when do I get the ten thousand dollars?" He said, "Huh?" I said, "You said you will lend me ten thousand dolars. When do I get it?" He said, "The ten thousand dollars is THE WORK I do in your mouth." I said, "Oh, I see. So I pay you the ten thosand dollars back plus interest for LOANING me money I will never see?" He just looked at me. I said, "Excuse me, but my turnip truck is waiting outside. I consider what you just did barely ethical. Two profits you want to make off me? I don't think so." And I walked out.
You report this dentist, please. Think of the other children that wil go to him and what he's saying to them, especially if parents aren't present.

[InSane1]

sorry, but that was sorta funny. I cant belevie a dentist would do that. The truth of the matter is, let the child go in without you. They are more liekly to listen. Ask any dentist. Mom's provide a comfort level that allows the child to carry on and throw fits. they wont do that when its just the dentist and them. I have two children, who have been seeing the dentist since they were 4. I specifically asked, do they cooperate better with or without me? he said.. Without. and its true.

Also, as a hairstylist for many years. I would ask the parents to please sit wait in the lobby after the consultation. even for a young children (2 yoa and up). They listen a lot better. Its true.

Unfortunately, this rat dentist told your kid the wrong thing. now your kid might be scared. But I would just tell your son, (after you got to the dentist) "Mommy has to get her teeth done too, so I have to go in another room". if he starts screaming.. let him.

I hope you don't think that's too mean.

[Mitzi]

I saw nothing funny about it. To threaten a child that he will be tied up without his parent present is abuse. Nothing funny about that. And if there is room, there is no reason a parent shouldn't be there if they want to be.
And if he's talking to a child like this when the parent is present, I CRINGE to think what he may say or do when a parent isn't present.
No way I would leave a room when my child is screaming either. If the dr can't handle it, I'd find one who could.

[ 10-29-2002, 01:24 AM: Message edited by: Mitzi ]

[txinvestigator1]

You got a six year old with cavities already? How often do you make this kid brush his teeth?

Did you hear the dentist say this?

What were you doing to control your kid when your kid was crying and acting up before the dentist made these statements?

[Mitzi]

Bottom line here is that this is NOT about whether this child brushes his teeth or not. It's about a cruel dentist making cruel, abusive statements to a child. His Mother WAS there and heard the dentist say these things. She handled it better then I did. I wouldn't have given the dentist a chance to put his gloves on if he said something like that to my child. I would just say, "We are OUT of here." Kids are going to get cavities generally. That's the way it is.

[txinvestigator1]

Calm down Mitzi

The woman asked for OPINIONS and that is what I gave.

My questions were to simply clarify a few things.

I am very appalled by what this dentist said. But I also wonder how badly the kid was acting up and if the mom was controlling the kid.

[Tprspouse]

Mitzi,

I agree with everything you are saying 100%.

To address a few others'points:

I couldn't just leave my child in the dentists seat while I go sit in the waiting room, so that he'll act better. He won't. I tried it. I told him to sit in the seat and I gave him some water to drink and to calm down. After a few minutes, I said that it looked like Mommy would have to go in the other room if he didn't calm down. He didn't calm down so I kissed him and told him that I'd be right back in when the dentist was finished. He got up out of the chair and ran after me. The dentist wasn't going to catch him, it's not his job. I wasn't going to ask that he be tied to the chair either! There are ways of dealing with things without mentally abusing a child. Unfortunately, this dentist had already said his words to my child when we first got into the room when he hadn't yet thrown his fit. The fit came after he saw how mean and nasty the dentist was. If it doesn't work out with this dentist, I find someone who deals with children. It's as simple as that. Children are not objects or sounding boards and I will make this dentist pay for what he did. What kind of dentist would I have been? If I saw a child who was scared I would try talking to him at his level. I'd bend down and ask him why he's so scared. I'd point out the instruments to him and let him know that it will be o.k. If then he started to cry and not let Mom go, it's OBVIOUS that I'd get nowhere with this child and seek someone else instead of towering over the child and making him feel like dirt. Unfortunately, in this case, everything happened so fast and it was very loud in the room that I didn't realize exactly what this dentist was saying. When I got into the car, trying to calm my son down was when I realized "Jeezuz....what he just said was completely WRONG and unprofessional!". I couldn't believe that he had said that stuff. It was too late to go back and punch him out or have words. I'll save it for the board and the letter that I will write him.

And about the cavities...the cavities that my son has are very very superficial and are actually the beginnings of cavities. Unfortunately he has my "soft" teeth. My Dad has had his whole mouth replaced and had many surgeries to correct his gingivitis, and all my mom has to do is bite down on an apple and her teeth fall out! Heredity plays a lot in this. My son chipped a tooth and that is where one of the spots has become a cavity. This happened to me last month. I chipped a tooth and a cavity made itself a home in there. It's MUCH MUCH easier to get a cavity in a spot where a tooth has been chipped. It gives it a head start.

My son doesn't even eat much candy, so this dentist has his head up his arse anyway. Just because a kid gets a cavity doesn't mean that they ALL get them the same way. My son eats fruit roll ups and raisins which will, if stuck for too long will cause a cavity. My son brushes his teeth 2x a day and rinses with children's plax. So don't go there, and besides it's not a valid reason to berate my child.

[shorty]

Trpr,
Here is my opinion, for what it's worth.

I would report that dentist so fast his head would spin. I wouldn't write the dentist or call him. I would just leave him alone. What he did was uncalled for. Last month, I went to the dentist to get my teeth cleaned. I had to drag my husband to get his done also because he has this "fear" about them. We took our 2 yo son with us. I watched him while my husband got his teeth cleaned and vice versa. Well, when my dentist saw that we had our son, he said bring him in here to see me. So I did. He sat my son up in that big chair and talked to him for a minute. My son became curious about all of the tools. So my dentist sprayed some water with that little tool into the water bowl. My son was just laughing. So the dentist said do you want a drink of water? And he sprayed a little in my son's mouth. Then he let him hold that polishing tool that spins round and round. And the vibration of it in my son's hand "tickled" him and made him laugh. The dentist kept telling him you are such a good boy! And after about 10 minutes he said, well give me a hug bye bye, I've got to go back to work. And my son actually gave him a hug. The dentist told me that he doesn't want children to be afraid of him, that's why he starts playing and getting them to laugh early. That way, when it is time for him to have an exam, my son won't be afraid. By the time we left, my son was crying because he didn't want to leave. I think my dentist does it the way it should be done.
I am sure that you will find someone that will not torment your child, because they are out there. Good luck.

[OfcMikey]

I'd report the SOB, that is no way to treat a child.

[Mitzi]

I'm a firm believer of speaking up when a wrong is done. A few year ago, I returned a pair of slacks that had shrunk to a wellknown department store. I forgot I had put it on my card. So, she said do you want cash or taken off the card? I told her I'd take the cash.
She walked away. Before I knew it, she came back, another saleslady stood too close behind me and a supervisor was on my left. Then the saleslady said, "These didn't shrink. You just bought them back for the cash." I was astounded then I was OUTRAGED. I said, "How DARE you! I am a customer in good standing. Shoplifters get treatment then this! I want to see the manager RIGHT NOW." The supervisor said she was in charge, the manager was not in the store. I said, "You take that off my card. And you have not heard the end of this." I mentally made a note of their badge numbers and went out and contacted the head office in Chicago. They were SO apolegetic and told me they would look into it. I received a VERY apologetic call from the manager the next day and I said, "I want their jobs." She said, "They will be reprimanded and one may lose her job because it isn't the first complaint I have had about her." So, I felt vindicated. They also sent me a 25$ gift certificate that I didn't want because that's not what it is about.
When you have been wronged, it's right to speak up.

[Frank Booth]

There are kids who will not submit to a dental examination for whatever reason, how do you think they get the job done???? They strap them down to a short backboard to restrain them and then get all medieval on their little asses....Thats why dentists have such a high suicide rate....they're depressed because they couldn't make it through medical school, and everyone hates them...